Happy Anniversary to us!

The one who inspires me to get out of myself . . . in things of love, life and dreaming . . . today we celebrate 27 years of being married!

It’s because of Scott that I am writing this blog today. I seem to have taken a little hiatus from blogging, allowing the other “things” of life, work and general busy-ness to squeeze out one of those things that I am passionate about . . . time to write, express and move into unknown territories not part of my routine schedule. Scott is my example of pursuing dreams, ideas and things “not the norm.” He’s my inspiration for pursuing ideas bigger than my current world.

So, today I spend a few extra minutes, not putting packages together to ship for Christmas, or one more load of laundry, or even an errand or two listed on my list . . . but because of him, I pause, reflect and use some black and white words.

It doesn’t seem possible that these 27 years belong to us already. After this much time, I still get excited when the caller ID on my phone shows he’s calling. The end of the day is still my favorite time knowing we spend it together. His witty thinking and off the cuff jokes and puns are still the funniest. The smile in his eye still catches me off guard sometimes.

Honestly, I think the anniversary card we received from our daughter today summarizes best.
“She looked at him.
He looked at her.
And everyone who saw that look
Wanted to throw up a little.”

Yes – sometimes, it’s just that sweet . Just that syrupy, mushy, amazing, wonderful . . . SWEET!

Because of Scott Allen, I continue to learn to love unselfishly. Next to Jesus, he’s my best example.

Wanna See My Baby?

It gives me great pleasure to finish something and see the immediate results of the finishing. You know when you mow the yard and the results are immediate with every step? I really like that. Vacuuming is like that too. Erasing a chalk board. Pressure washing the back porch. Being pregnant and then having the baby. Immediate results. Nice.

There’s something very satisfying to setting out a path or set goals and accomplishing them. As you may have guessed, I am a list maker. I like to check things off the list, indicating a task completed. I like the short term finishes and the long term plans too.

Short term or long term, it takes discipline, time invested, and commitment.

Recently I heard a brand new adult (just turned 18) say that his childhood was a good one, complete, satisfying. (Some words my own, but you get the picture). He was ready to cross over into adulthood and take on the changes and new responsibilities that come with it. There’s pleasure in the finishing, some trepidation about the future, but no regrets.

Living without regret requires daily decisions … Actually, moment-by-moment decisions. It requires making choices and thinking about how they affect your future in 10 minutes, in 10 days, in 10 months and 10 years. On purpose we need to move through our days and weeks as if every decision we make affects our future in a significant way. Because they do! Your habits today will shape who you are tomorrow and next year and 10 years from now. These decisions affect what your family becomes… tomorrow and when your children graduate from high school. These daily decisions affect your outcome at every level of your life.

Babies are cute, sweet, and innocent. A blank page really. When they turn 18, become adults, with no regret as parents, we need to be able to again say, “Wanna see my baby now?” And knowing that with God’s help, His wisdom, you made the choices that enable you to not look back, but look ahead. Satisfied.

We need Love AND Respect - Dr. Emerson Eggerichs

Love and Respect – Seemed simple, straight forward enough. Then I read this book and it hurt my feelings!

As a wife, I think I do the “love” part pretty good --- but it’s the “respect” part that husbands need. And so my quest began.

In this marriage-transforming book, Dr. Emerson Eggerichs’ Love and Respect is designed to help wives see that their big, powerful husbands are really in need of something that wives can give – respect. When he receives respect, he will give her the kind of love she has always hoped to receive.

Thus – the Wake up call!

Paul gives gender specific instructions in Ephesians 5 to married couples. Yes – Gender Specific. And I am very, very sure this was on purpose – strong purpose. You see – God knows us.Dr. Eggerichs says that Paul “reveals commands from the very heart of God as he tells the husband he must love (agape) his wife unconditionally and the wife must respect her husband, whether or not her husband comes across as loving.”Throughout the book, the real life situations and practical Biblical wisdom and concepts will help any spouse find themselves (and their partner). It almost seemed too easy to see --- almost embarrassing. But the good news, is Dr. Eggerichs gives direction, help, easy to remember steps and even discussion questions for husbands and wives to move through the needed healing, repair, or strengthening in their relationships. There is also a workbook that can be purchased for deeper levels of commitment to better communication.

What is respect? “Esteem for or a sense of the worth or excellence of a person, a personal quality or ability. The condition of being esteemed or honored. Favor or partiality. To show regard or consideration for.” In my view, every marriage (great or struggling) can be refreshed.

After reading Love and Respect by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs, I highly recommend this book for all married people and soon to be so. As he says, “Wives do not need a lot of coaching on being loving. It is something God built into them, and they do it naturally. However, they do need help with respect.” Me? I need all the help I can get!

Tips on Love - From the Mouths of Babes

The following advice comes from kids 5-10 years old.

Q: What is falling in love like?
“Like an avalanche where you have to run for your life.” (Roger, 9)
“If falling in love is anything like learning how to spell, I don’t want to do it. It takes too long.” (Leo, 7)

Q: What do most people do on a date?
“On the first date, they just tell each other lies, and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date.” (Mike, 10)

Q: What is the proper age to get married?
“Eighty-four, because at that age, you don’t have to work anymore, and you can spend all your time loving each other in your bedroom.” (Judy, 8)

Q: Is it better to be single or married?
“It’s better for girls to be single, but not for boys. Boys need somebody to clean up after them.” (Lynette, 9)
“It gives me a headache to think about that stuff. I’m just a kid, I don’t need that kind of trouble.” (Kenny, 7)

Q: On the role of good looks in love.
“If you want to be loved by somebody who isn’t already in your family, it doesn’t hurt to be beautiful.” (Jeanne, 8)
“Beauty is skin deep. But how rich you are can last a long time.” (Christine, 9)

Q: The personal qualities necessary to be a good lover.
“One of you should know how to write a check. Because, even if you have tons of love, there is still going to be a lot of bills.” (Ava, 8)

Q: Surefire ways to make a person fall in love with you.
“One way is to take the girl out to eat. Make sure it’s something she likes to eat. French fries usually works for me.” (Bart, 9)
“Just see if the man picks up the check. That’s how you can tell if he’s in love.” (John, 9)
“Lovers will just be staring at each other and their food will get cold. Other people care more about the food.” (Dave, 8)

Q: What most people are thinking when they say “I love you.”
“The person is thinking: ?Yeah, I really do love him. But I hope he showers at least once a day.” (Michelle, 9)

Q: How to make love endure.
“Spend most of your time loving instead of going to work.” (Tom, 7)
“Don’t forget your wife’s name … That will mess up the love.” (Roger, 8)
“Be a good kisser. It might make your wife forget that you never take out the trash.” (Randy, 8)

I like the last one - be a good kisser -- We wives might even forget about the trash!

Moms, Do not allow college to be heart wrenching!

As surprising as it is, I am at the place in my family life that our kids are going to college and planning to go to college! (Yes, that makes two kids). Our daughter is a junior at ORU and our son is a high school senior.

I may have said before, we have enjoyed every day of being parents – yes, every day… maybe just a few minutes of some days . . . but our kids have created a WONDERFUL family experience. Parenting is the most rewarding thing we continue to do… We have the pictures to prove it.

And yet … the daily part of parenting must come to an end. It must … or you will become one of those moms who has children who never leave home, never fully understand the necessity of independence, never assume the role of responsibility, and then have no concept of what it means to “leave mother and father and cleave to a spouse.”

Moms! Don’t you want your kids to have those accomplishments? The satisfaction of being “grown up?” Of course you do.

It starts today.

No matter what age your children are – whether they are going into Kindergarten for the first time, junior high, senior year or . . . or yes, even possibly moving away to college.

Your children need to see in real life--- in your real life --- that God is big enough to handle YOUR emotions, to handle changes, to give you peace AND JOY in your journey of parenting them through their journeys.

Do not force your kids to feel sorry for you because this next big thing is so “heart wrenching.” Do not give your children any reason to worry or be concerned about you because of where they are going. God is so Able, so Completing, so Enough.

Your faith in your own future gives your kids the courage to face their futures. Be that example. Show your kids that the Holy Spirit, alive in you, is well able to walk you through whatever comes next.

Now on the practical side, it’s time to save all the small care package boxes you can find. Send a box at least once a month fully of silly goodies. Send a card or a letter once a week. It’s a funny thing – but this generation of Tweeps and Facebookers become avid fans of Snail Mail in college. (This happens on Day One!)

And the God of peace --- which transcends our understanding, will guard your heart and your mind!

Ask me how I know!

Say this: I am not a dripping faucet!

“A nagging wife annoys like a constant dripping.” (Proverbs 19:13) This could be a dripping faucet, a leaky roof drip, a runny nose drip, a Chinese water torture drip . . . and then this next verse says, that in order to avoid the dripping of anything … “It is better to live alone in the desert, than with a crabby, complaining wife.” (Proverbs 21:29) That’s about as far away from water as you can get! Keep reading. We are given instruction to recognize this could be a problem for us girls!

As you may recall from my previous post, Paul gives gender specific instructions in Ephesians 5 to married couples. Yes – Gender Specific. And I am very, very sure this was on purpose – strong purpose. See – God knows us.

Dr. Eggerich (author of Love & Respect) says that Paul “reveals commands from the very heart of God as he tells the husband he must love (agape) his wife unconditionally and the wife must respect her husband, whether or not her husband comes across as loving.”

Read these next two paragraphs carefully. Ladies – this will hurt, but you can take it. (Well, at least it hurt my feelings.) Dr. Eggerich writes, “Note, however, that this verse gives no command to a wife to agape-love her husband. “ He said after much study, he asked why. “And then it struck me. The Lord has created a woman to love. Her whole approach to nurture, her sensitivity, love, and compassion are all part of her very nature. In short, God designed the woman to love. He’s not going to command her to agape her husband when He created her to do that in the first place.”

In Titus 2:4 older women are told to encourage women to love their husbands and children, but in this case, Paul is talking about phileo love – which refers to the human, brotherly kind of love. Dr. Eggerich points out that a young wife is created to agape her husband and children. . . . “BUT in the daily wear and tear of life, she is in danger of becoming discouraged – so discouraged that she may lack phileo love. A kind of impatient unfriendliness can come over her. She may scold and sigh way too much. After all, there is always something or someone who needs correcting.”

OUCH!

We are warned repeatedly in the book of Proverbs about this character flaw. Often. More than once or twice even.

Remember this one? “A nagging wife is as annoying as the constant drip on a rainy day. Trying to stop her complaints is like trying to stop the wind or hold something with greased hands.” (Prov. 27:15-16)

Decide now. Today. To not resemble a dripping anything! You were made to love. Love is power and it’s self control and it’s tempered and it’s lovely and it’s nice and considerate and all of 1 Corinthians 13.

Are you?

". . . and the wife must respect her husband."

This was Paul’s final instruction in Ephesians 5. Now, of course we know that Paul didn't intend for Chapter 5 of Ephesians to end that way – because he did not write his letter in chapter and verse. BUT – it’s still the end of a paragraph. The instruction earlier in the chapter help set the home life setting so that proper instruction can then be given (and received) by the children. There’s a logical progression here. It works.

What is respect? “Esteem for or a sense of the worth or excellence of a person, a personal quality or ability. The condition of being esteemed or honored. Favor or partiality. To show regard or consideration for.”

Recently I heard a successful man talk about what a man feels when he loses his job. My internal response was “Fear of not being able to pay the bills or feed his family.” But this man said, “The fear of losing the respect of his family.” I realized at that point, the depth of the value of respect men desire from the people closest to them.

It was also that statement that caused me to see how little I knew about what Paul was instructing wives to do to show honor to their husbands. The definition is different than love or submission --- there’s more to it than that. There’s a level of reverence and honor and gratefulness connected to it.

I’ve begun reading Love and Respect by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs (I highly recommend this book for all married people and soon to be so). He says, “Wives do not need a lot of coaching on being loving. It is something God built into them, and they do it naturally. However, they do need help with respect.” Men want women who believe in them.

Men want women who believe in them. One more time: Men want women who believe in them. They want us to appreciate his desire to work and achieve.

What does that mean to you, wives? How do you communicate it? This matters much to him.

I am determined to grasp and demonstrate this at a greater level in my marriage. I truly am grateful for a man I do love, honor, enjoy, and respect. Time and again he goes above and beyond to pursue ideas, dreams and avenues to help and bless our family. He’s always thinking about the future . . . our future. And in the process, makes every day a step in that direction.

Somedays it's just hard to say . . .

Some days it’s just hard to say.

It’s hard to say what the real issue is. Or what the problem seems to be. Or what’s bugging you. Could be a series of things. Unmet expectations. Disappointment in how it all turned out. Hard to say.

Somedays it’s not enough sleep. Or hormones. Or nothing at all. Just seems like crabby has come on. Some days it’s hard to say.

And so … on those “hard to say” days. Just don’t. Don’t say it. Don’t try to explain it. Don’t examine it til you get an answer. Don’t talk it out. It needs to stay Hard to Say. Too hard in fact. And so, stay quiet.

1 Corinthians 13 – we all know the Love chapter. “Love is not touchy.” For me, that sums up most of all the other adjectives for love. I am not touchy. I am not easily moved by my emotions so that they negatively affect others.

That’s my desire … my goal. Somedays it’s easier than others.

A wise man once said, “You never regret that which you do not say.”

How can I trust you hear from God . . . . .

“How can I trust that you hear from God, if you are so moved by your emotions and what other people think?”

It usually takes a little bit of time to pass in a relationship to come to this conversation. These words must be asked by every person when it comes to the life decision: Is he the one? Is she the one?

Every boy and girl needs to know, without a doubt …. Of any kind…. That the person they are committed to hears from God … more than they hear from anyone else. Anyone else!

Let me set the stage:

In May 1983, Scott and I had been married almost 6 months. We were living in South Carolina and we were miserable! We had moved there because of a job offered to Scott to work at a Christian TV station. We packed up all of our belongings in January (it all fit in a small U-Haul trailer) and headed South. Both of us being from Michigan were in for a major shock to the ways of the South Carolinians. It wasn’t such a good fit.

The reason for our misery? Thankfully, it was not because we got married! But it was because we needed to get back on track to the destiny Scott was called to when he was teenager. He’s a talented musician, song writer, called by God. We weren’t doing that. We were miserable.

One phone call. That’s all it took for him to know what was needed. Scott knew he had heard from the Lord and it meant a move to Atlanta, Georgia and going back on the road to minister with Mylon LeFevre’s band.

Enter Stage Right: The newlywed wife (6 months, remember?) I had never heard the name Mylon LeFevre and knew nothing about him, his band, his ministry. Nothing! But my husband knew that it was time to go back on the road --- yes, travel. Yes, leave wife at home.

Newlywed wife: “Was it something I said?” “You need to get away from me? But . . . But . . . But . . .”

Side note: Don’t let the “buts” get in the way of your calling!

I had married a man who heard from God. I knew that. I did not want to be the one who only heard from God when my emotions weren’t in the way! And I wanted to be married to a man who heard from God when my emotions were in the way!

And he does. These days, I believe that I do too. And now we train our children how to hear too.

Some Dogs Do Go To Heaven

“Animals who receive and give love will be with us in heaven.”

This is a statement I choose to believe today. It’s actually a quote from a great Christian lady that I trust very much. I think she really knows.

When we decided to obey the Lord to move to Texas 14 years ago, we told our kids – who were then 6 and 4 that we could get a puppy because our new house would have a fenced back yard. That’s all they needed to hear to put their faith to work for that new pet. Christmas of 1998 we gave the kids a “How to Care for Your Golden Retriever Puppy” book. Good pastor friends of ours in Alabama told us they wanted to give us one of their puppies as a gift … an AKC registered Golden Retriever puppy.

In January of 1999, “Allie” came home -- Named after her home state of Alabama. She was 8 weeks old and a cute, fuzzy, little ball of energy! Our kids’ faith had produced this new family member and oh my gosh …. She was a handful! Smart …. Too smart many days. Fast … She would find ink pens and run around the house … the more we chased her, the better she ran and the better the game! I had visions of her biting down on them... ink everywhere. (Fortunately, that never happened) She developed quite a personality.

This dog took over … as a Golden, she always had to lead, be in the way, and help you get to where you should go! She wore bandanas around her neck and loved them! She loved to carry around empty water bottles, chew q-tips from the trash (yeah, yuck!) and could squeak a toy better than any dog I have ever heard. She stayed near, at our feet, at our side and just needed a few good touches. Faithful. Happy. Funny. Sweet. Family – every day. She had a way of “Counting” us to be sure we were all home. She knew when someone was missing… watched the doors for them to come in. I do think she knew how to love.

This week, Allie transitioned from this life. Over a two week period, an aggressive cancer changed our home and our daily lives. We miss her. She made us smile every day. She paid attention to us every day. She looked us straight in the eyes when we talked to her and would cock her head back and forth as if to say “I understand everything you are telling me.” (Did I mention she made us smile every day?)

I am wise enough to know that in the big picture of our lives, with all the events that happen, this may seem like a small thing. It may seem even insignificant to some. To me, enjoying every gift from God, every moment that life and joy presents itself, every person, animal, flower, kind word, gesture, wagging tail …. Take time to enjoy them. Cherish them. Take notice. Be grateful.

Allie grew up with our kids … transitioned them from elementary school children to adults.. Ten years … It has been a wonderful, wonderful season! I told my husband … some changes require tears to walk through them. This is one of those.

Allie had a favorite corner of the yard where she would trample my flower beds chasing the cats, squirrels, birds, possum walking on her fence. In her honor, I have planted some day lilies there. One is almost her color.

God gave us all things … richly to enjoy.

Just 10 questions . . .

Ten Questions for Couples

Came across this quiz in a file. It’s something to think about…. And for some of us, something to do something about… take a minute:

This quiz is from a January 2005 Family Circle Magazine. Use these statements as a gauge. See what you need to work on. (There’s always something to work on, I think)

Indicate whether each statement is usually true or false for you and your spouse, then count how many are true.

· When my husband phones, I make time to talk to him.
· When something important happens in my life, my spouse is the first person I want to tell.
· We are physically affectionate with each other on a daily basis.
· When I walk into the house, I greet my spouse before doing anything else.
· We spend more time interacting than we do watching TV.
· If my husband wants my attention, I stop what I am doing and give it to him.
· We celebrate birthdays and anniversaries in special ways.
· We go out alone together once a week.
· We vacation alone together once a year.
· We have photographs of each other in our wallets and at work.

If 4 statements or fewer are usually true for you and your spouse, you both need to pay more attention to your marriage. If 5 to 7 are true, you’re about average, but don’t settle for an average marriage – it’s the most important thing in your life!

This is a quick blog …. I have a few things on the list I need to go do!

Tell them the truth ... even if it hurts.

We have two amazing kids… our daughter is 20 and our son is 17 (and a half!) They are smart, funny, quick witted and in some ways, wise beyond their years. To the best of my recollection, we always told them the truth. We answered questions honestly. Even the hard ones, like, “Did you ever do drugs? Why? “ “Dad, do you ever think about driving down this road and hitting this hill and hoping to get airborne?” (Dad, said, “Well, yeah!”) (Mom NEVER had that thought once).

We have answered questions about our marriage. “What’s the hardest it’s ever been?” “How do you make it work when you are both so different?” Our children will enter into relationships knowing that there is nothing they can’t ask us … and they know that in all things, we are on their team. Advice, direction, insight is ALWAYS about helping them stay on the right path. It’s ALWAYS about looking ahead to their 25th wedding anniversary with the perfect complement to who they are. That’s what we do. That’s just the kind of parents we are.

It doesn’t get much better than hearing your son say, “I trust your decisions, because so far, you haven’t given any bad advice.” (And when we do – yes, it happens --- we are quick to apologize). Being human and real with your teenagers is the best you can do. Every time.

Now a funny story . . .

Grandmas don’t know everything …

Little Tony was 7 years old and was staying with his grandmother for a few days. He’d been playing outside with the other kids for a while when he came into the house and asked her, “Grandma, what’s that called when two people sleep in the same room and one is on top of the other?” She was a little taken aback, but she decided to tell him the truth. “It’s called sex, darling.”

Little Tony said, “Oh, OK” and went back outside to play with the other kids.
A few minutes later he came back in and said angrily, “Grandma, it isn’t called sex. It’s called Bunk Beds. And Jimmy’s mom wants to talk to you.”

The 24 Hour Rule

You know those little things that can become annoying? Like having to change the position of the shower head, or closing doors or turning off the lights after your spouse? When I asked my husband why those things don’t bother him, he said, “They just remind me you’re here.”
(Focus on the Family Magazine, February 2005)

Sometimes we just need to lighten up. I have a personal philosophy about what should go unnoticed and what things are noteworthy of discussion. I call it my 24 hour rule.

Basically, if the annoyance or “issue” will not matter tomorrow at this time, let it go! Here’s a simplistic example, but you’ll get the point.

You and your spouse on your way to an event ... to a place he has been before (maybe once – he thinks he remembers the way) but tonight you are running late. He’s driving and isn’t quite sure he knows which street … wrong turn. Later still. Back track … find the right way. Arrive later than seems polite.

Sure – he could have checked Map Quest …. But how do YOU respond. Tomorrow this event won’t matter. You will have lived through it. There won’t be another like it, probably. Does it matter very much. Really? Let it go.

Talk nice. Be nice. Be polite. Hey, maybe even treat each other like you would company! “Can I get you something to drink?” “Please.” “Thank you.” “Would you like a snack?” (We hardly ever yell at company!)

Let the little things go. Major on the major things. This is YOUR best friend (and definitely means more to you than company)!

“Hold them in very high and most affectionate esteem in [intelligent and sympathetic] appreciation of their work. Be at peace among yourselves.” (1 Thessalonians 5:13, AMP)

Two steps forward?

Marriage is an everyday decision.

Yes --- every day, you either move forward. You move backward. Or you stay in the same place as yesterday -- which is a move backward really.

My part of my marriage is personal. It’s up to me. Only me. It’s not a response to what my husband does … or doesn’t do. It’s not my reaction to his response of something I do or don’t do. Every aspect, every situation, every comment, every action is my own personal responsibility… one at a time. Moment by moment.

My part of my marriage is between me and God. How I do in this is a direct reflection of how well I obey what I know Jesus has said to me … personally. Some of these conversations have included instructions exactly like these:

“If any of you wants to be My follower, you must put aside your selfish ambition, shoulder your cross, and follow Me.” Matthew 16:24

“If you refuse to take up your cross and follow Me, you are not worthy of being Mine.” Matthew 10:38

“And you cannot be My disciple if you do not carry your own cross and follow me.” Luke 14:27

Did I mention EXACTLY like these?

So what is my cross? It comes back again, to putting aside my selfish ambitions. On purpose, I decide to respond in love, to forgive past wrongs, to think more highly of my husband, to find ways to out serve him (not an easy thing most of the time). To shoulder my cross is an ongoing awareness that love respects, honors, goes out of its way, makes dinner when I am tired because it blesses him so much. Some days my cross is laundry – folded and back in his drawers. Some days my cross is not arguing a point that I think I am more right. Some days my cross is leaving him alone to do what he wants to do --by himself.

None of these things are for his approval or recognition or even for him to notice! This is personal… very personal between Jesus and me. Together, we are counting the cost of what it takes for me to be more like Him. Looking at what steps to take. I am worth it. My marriage is worth it.

Not my agenda, but yours

I believe you should marry your best friend. Let me say it this way, I believe the one you marry should become your best friend somewhere during the courtship.

This is also why I think relationships need time before marriage to develop this kind of friendship. The kind of friendship that knows secrets, knows history, knows favorite colors, foods, and time-consuming hobbies. The kind of friendship that understands enough about each person’s parent’s marriage to know how it will affect their own. A friendship that tests times apart and long distance. A friendship that cherishes each phone call. And requires letters sometimes.

This kind of relationship says, “No, really, you decide.” “It’s no problem, I’ll wait.” “Yeah, we can do that today instead.” “Oh, that’s your holiday tradition? OK.”

“There is no greater love than to lay down one’s life for one’s friend. “ (John 15:13)

The best way to show love? Lay down your own ideas, your own plans, your agenda for what he wants to do. Lay down your ego, your pride, your great thought, or your better way to get there for the other person. Sometimes that means being silent, not reacting, (No sighing, eye rolling – you get the picture). It’s all about keeping your thoughts to yourself when you’d really rather not.

Even better, it’s about pushing their agenda . . . pursuing what’s on his heart. Go the extra mile when you don’t feel like it. Go the extra mile when you do feel like it . . . and don’t wait for the acknowledgement (Sometimes it doesn’t come anyway).

Friends give each other the benefit of the doubt. They look at the intention of the heart and they are satisfied.

You see, we have counted the cost. He’s worth it. I’m worth it. Lay down your life. It’s the best you can give. Your marriage deserves it.

Count The Cost!

“But don’t begin until you count the cost . . .” (Luke 14: 28)

I want to fast forward into my story about 26 years. Like jumping to the epilogue I suppose. I have been married to this same man since 1982. A successful musician – Grammy Award winning actually. Our marriage has always existed on Planet Ministry – for many years in the Christian music industry, for the last several within an international ministry and a local church too. We have seen some things. Some pretty. Some not so pretty. Some not even believable.

We have been successful. We continue to enjoy our life, our family, and each other. God’s grace, His wisdom and His help have made it possible. We know that. Honestly, I think every engaged Christian couple believes that – with God, they’re gonna be alright.

I have seen successful musicians, ministers, pastors lose their families – while serving God. I have seen women so disillusioned in their marriages and with the call of the ministry on their lives and on their husbands’ lives that they quit . . . everything!

The key . . . way back in the beginning . . .

Count the cost! This takes time. It takes serious effort. Prayer. Counsel from others. Hearing from God. Your future depends on it. Your well being is at the center of it. The lives you are called to touch and minister to are directly related to it. The salvation of your children is at the heart of it.

“For who would begin construction of a building without first calculating the cost to see if there is enough money to finish it?” (Luke 14:28)

Or who would commit to a marriage to someone without first contemplating what it will require to make it work? There are careful details to consider. There will be a price to pay. Do you have what it takes to pay it? Are you ready to study the requirements to be sure you are qualified?

You need to make your “Once Upon A Time” into “They Lived Happily Ever After.”
It takes some preplanning!

Once Upon a Time - Chapter 2

The college sophomore had fallen in love with a man who was called to full time ministry. Her knowledge of that was limited because she had never been close to ministry. Sure, she had been in church and had met people who were committed to God – to living their life as closely to the example of Jesus as they understood. Yet, what was this “Calling” to ministry? Just how serious is this?

According to Webster, Calling: Vocation, profession, or trade; a call or summons; a strong impulse or inclination.

A calling is a strong impulse, a “knowing” that the inner self or spirit has a sense of what they are to do. It’s a place of peace within that indicates you are on the right track. You have a direction that gives you great satisfaction when you look at the future.

A calling to ministry is a responsibility to put your heart, your work, your life into your gifts and talents to build the Kingdom of God on this planet. Giving all you have … (time, talents, and resources) to making disciples for Jesus. It’s the number one priority. The Main Thing.

I believed I was called alongside this Christian musician – a man with more creative talent and ability than I had ever seen. He is an award winning song writer, producer and gifted musician. I have no music training, ability or even hardly an ear for the differences between sharp and flat! Could God bring us together? How could I be a help to him at all?

The answer was simple – but not easy: Be willing. Be flexible. And above all, don’t be selfish.

“It’s not about you.” I would hear these words often.

Kiss It and Make It Better!

Every three -year old knows that “Kissing it, makes it better.”

There’s just something about that action that takes her mind off the hurt (even for just a moment) and makes the crying stop. Why? Let’s look at the definition.

Kiss (kis), v.t. 1. To touch or press with the lips slightly pursed in token of affection, greeting, reverence, etc. 2. To touch gently or lightly: (the breeze kissed her face) 3. To put, bring, take or express by kissing 4. To make slight contact with or brush 5. To join lips, as in affection, love, or passion; touch or caress one another with the lips 6. To express a thought, feeling, etc. through contact with the lips: (they kissed goodbye)

“To express a thought, feeling, through contact with the lips.” This says: Take your mind off what has just happened. It’s going to be all right.” It’s better already!

And you know, it’s like that in marriage too. Sometimes a kiss is the answer! “Join the lips, as in affection, love or passion.” In the Bible “Kiss” is phileo. In the New Testament it is used 22 times and is translated “love.” Kisses remind us that for this moment, it’s all about him and me… no matter what else is going on around us, we are connected. Kissing does make it better.

“Kiss me and kiss me again, for your love is sweeter than wine.” (Song of Songs 1:2)

Once Upon A Time

Once upon a time there was a little girl growing up in Fraser, Michigan. Every morning she watched her daddy leave for work at 7 am, knowing that he would be home that night at 6 pm for dinner. Day after day after day that's how it went. She dreamed she would grow up and marry someone just like him. He was the best daddy ever … handsome, smart, with laugh wrinkles around his eyes. He took good care of his family.

But something happened to that girl. Something she was not prepared for during her 18 years of watching what a family looked like living in the Auto City of the Midwest USA. She moved away to college . . . She met Jesus.

That changed everything. And then she … okay me … I fell in love with a man. A man called to full time ministry. (To what? What is that? I don't even know what that means. Is it just for a few months? Maybe a couple years and then we settle down and get that house with that white picket fence I dreamed about when I was 7? Have a dog and yard and maybe some cute little babies? Sunday dinner with the folks each week? Ministry? How do you do that? Yikes! What am I doing? I’m barely a Christian, and I am committing to what kind of life? He's called? What's a calling? Oh, Lord, help me!)

And so my journey began just this way 30 years ago.

"Yes," Jesus replied, "And I assure you that everyone who has given up house or brothers or sisters or mother or father or children or property, for my sake and for the Good News, will receive now in return a hundred time as many houses, brothers, sisters, mothers, children and property -- along with persecution." (Mark 10:29-30)

Before I could marry this man of God, I had to ask myself the question: "Am I willing to give up my childhood dream for Jesus' sake?" It took me a while to answer this.

We had a long engagement!

SURPRISE!

Friday night. No big plans … pizza with my husband and then a quiet evening. Our son is at school for a rehearsal so we anticipate a rather uneventful night.

We hear someone at the front door. Is he home early? "Hellooooo-ooo……"

Standing and staring, (I am sure) It's our daughter! I know it took at least 5 or 10 seconds for it to register in my brain, that the pretty girl I am looking at is really her … home from college. SUR-PRIZE!!

In a few seconds I was trying to put together how it was possible. An hour before she had texted me, asking what we were doing, indicating she herself was still trying to decide what to do with her night. NOT! She was an hour away at that point. Very sneaky.

Joy and hugging and tears when she walked in the door. The first time we had seen her since Christmas Break. I was really missing her this past week.

Then… here she is. Honestly… The best surprise ever!

The pure inner satisfaction that came with this visit was so enveloping to me . . . To my heart, my thinking, my soul.

The fact that she left campus, drove by herself for 5 hours just to come home . . . Yes, touches the soul at a very deep level. The thought, the effort, and the knowing that this is the best gift ever for her dad and me. Knowing you are loved. That's it. She could not have expressed it any better than this.

The desire to be in our presence. Our desire just to be in hers. Love.

My desire is to bring joy when I walk into a room. I want my husband to think it’s a good idea when I come home. Hopefully something about being in my presence makes his day better.

Do you know that a 30-second kiss will make a difference in your day? It will change everything. Try it – go find the one you married. Right now. Give a kiss. A real kiss. A 30-second kiss. Whenever you come home. Every day. Yep! Every day.

SURPRISE!