Moms, Do not allow college to be heart wrenching!

As surprising as it is, I am at the place in my family life that our kids are going to college and planning to go to college! (Yes, that makes two kids). Our daughter is a junior at ORU and our son is a high school senior.

I may have said before, we have enjoyed every day of being parents – yes, every day… maybe just a few minutes of some days . . . but our kids have created a WONDERFUL family experience. Parenting is the most rewarding thing we continue to do… We have the pictures to prove it.

And yet … the daily part of parenting must come to an end. It must … or you will become one of those moms who has children who never leave home, never fully understand the necessity of independence, never assume the role of responsibility, and then have no concept of what it means to “leave mother and father and cleave to a spouse.”

Moms! Don’t you want your kids to have those accomplishments? The satisfaction of being “grown up?” Of course you do.

It starts today.

No matter what age your children are – whether they are going into Kindergarten for the first time, junior high, senior year or . . . or yes, even possibly moving away to college.

Your children need to see in real life--- in your real life --- that God is big enough to handle YOUR emotions, to handle changes, to give you peace AND JOY in your journey of parenting them through their journeys.

Do not force your kids to feel sorry for you because this next big thing is so “heart wrenching.” Do not give your children any reason to worry or be concerned about you because of where they are going. God is so Able, so Completing, so Enough.

Your faith in your own future gives your kids the courage to face their futures. Be that example. Show your kids that the Holy Spirit, alive in you, is well able to walk you through whatever comes next.

Now on the practical side, it’s time to save all the small care package boxes you can find. Send a box at least once a month fully of silly goodies. Send a card or a letter once a week. It’s a funny thing – but this generation of Tweeps and Facebookers become avid fans of Snail Mail in college. (This happens on Day One!)

And the God of peace --- which transcends our understanding, will guard your heart and your mind!

Ask me how I know!

Say this: I am not a dripping faucet!

“A nagging wife annoys like a constant dripping.” (Proverbs 19:13) This could be a dripping faucet, a leaky roof drip, a runny nose drip, a Chinese water torture drip . . . and then this next verse says, that in order to avoid the dripping of anything … “It is better to live alone in the desert, than with a crabby, complaining wife.” (Proverbs 21:29) That’s about as far away from water as you can get! Keep reading. We are given instruction to recognize this could be a problem for us girls!

As you may recall from my previous post, Paul gives gender specific instructions in Ephesians 5 to married couples. Yes – Gender Specific. And I am very, very sure this was on purpose – strong purpose. See – God knows us.

Dr. Eggerich (author of Love & Respect) says that Paul “reveals commands from the very heart of God as he tells the husband he must love (agape) his wife unconditionally and the wife must respect her husband, whether or not her husband comes across as loving.”

Read these next two paragraphs carefully. Ladies – this will hurt, but you can take it. (Well, at least it hurt my feelings.) Dr. Eggerich writes, “Note, however, that this verse gives no command to a wife to agape-love her husband. “ He said after much study, he asked why. “And then it struck me. The Lord has created a woman to love. Her whole approach to nurture, her sensitivity, love, and compassion are all part of her very nature. In short, God designed the woman to love. He’s not going to command her to agape her husband when He created her to do that in the first place.”

In Titus 2:4 older women are told to encourage women to love their husbands and children, but in this case, Paul is talking about phileo love – which refers to the human, brotherly kind of love. Dr. Eggerich points out that a young wife is created to agape her husband and children. . . . “BUT in the daily wear and tear of life, she is in danger of becoming discouraged – so discouraged that she may lack phileo love. A kind of impatient unfriendliness can come over her. She may scold and sigh way too much. After all, there is always something or someone who needs correcting.”

OUCH!

We are warned repeatedly in the book of Proverbs about this character flaw. Often. More than once or twice even.

Remember this one? “A nagging wife is as annoying as the constant drip on a rainy day. Trying to stop her complaints is like trying to stop the wind or hold something with greased hands.” (Prov. 27:15-16)

Decide now. Today. To not resemble a dripping anything! You were made to love. Love is power and it’s self control and it’s tempered and it’s lovely and it’s nice and considerate and all of 1 Corinthians 13.

Are you?

". . . and the wife must respect her husband."

This was Paul’s final instruction in Ephesians 5. Now, of course we know that Paul didn't intend for Chapter 5 of Ephesians to end that way – because he did not write his letter in chapter and verse. BUT – it’s still the end of a paragraph. The instruction earlier in the chapter help set the home life setting so that proper instruction can then be given (and received) by the children. There’s a logical progression here. It works.

What is respect? “Esteem for or a sense of the worth or excellence of a person, a personal quality or ability. The condition of being esteemed or honored. Favor or partiality. To show regard or consideration for.”

Recently I heard a successful man talk about what a man feels when he loses his job. My internal response was “Fear of not being able to pay the bills or feed his family.” But this man said, “The fear of losing the respect of his family.” I realized at that point, the depth of the value of respect men desire from the people closest to them.

It was also that statement that caused me to see how little I knew about what Paul was instructing wives to do to show honor to their husbands. The definition is different than love or submission --- there’s more to it than that. There’s a level of reverence and honor and gratefulness connected to it.

I’ve begun reading Love and Respect by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs (I highly recommend this book for all married people and soon to be so). He says, “Wives do not need a lot of coaching on being loving. It is something God built into them, and they do it naturally. However, they do need help with respect.” Men want women who believe in them.

Men want women who believe in them. One more time: Men want women who believe in them. They want us to appreciate his desire to work and achieve.

What does that mean to you, wives? How do you communicate it? This matters much to him.

I am determined to grasp and demonstrate this at a greater level in my marriage. I truly am grateful for a man I do love, honor, enjoy, and respect. Time and again he goes above and beyond to pursue ideas, dreams and avenues to help and bless our family. He’s always thinking about the future . . . our future. And in the process, makes every day a step in that direction.