When talking to teenagers, you can’t shut up too much!

Many years ago, I received the best advice about raising a son from a mother whom I respect very much. Here’s what she told me:

“When your son starts to talk and communicate with words, listen to him and show interest in everything he talks about. This won’t always be easy because when boys (and really all children) are young, they want to talk about many things you won’t care about. But if you stay in the habit of listening to the things that are important to him, his interests will change as he gets older. By then, you will have developed a good habit with him and he’ll be comfortable to talk to you about anything.”

Great advice! Your son is never too old (or too young) for you to show an interest in the things important to him.

Granted, this was not always easy. My son (at 4 or 5 years old) could tell me play by play action of the most recent Sponge Bob Square Pants episodes. But I listened.

Today, he doesn’t talk about cartoons or TV shows so much . . . but at 19 has much bigger and more important things to discuss, and we have developed a good relationship. Today we really talk and listen to each other.

Here is some additional wisdom from Mark Gregston. I encourage you to visit his website at www.parentingtodaysteens.org.

Teenage boys will clam up if a parent expects them to look them in the eye when they talk. Instead, sit side by side, like in the car. And I find that all teens tend to talk more while they are involved in an activity, so you’ll be most successful if you can find something fun to do together.

Talking less may be difficult for parents, but when it comes to getting teenagers to open up to you, you can’t shut up too much. Don’t expect a long discussion; it may just be the “instant message” version, so listen carefully and repeat back what you think they said. Finally, be sure to ask questions to keep the conversation going.

Remember, ask questions. Then listen. You can’t shut up too much.