Keeping Our Priorities Straight

Guest Blogger: Scott Allen

This is an actual picture of the actual windshield of my son’s car yesterday. He’s fine. Thank God! It was a really freak incident and he handled it amazingly well. Debbie and I had been praying over him off and on all day. We witnessed an accident early in the morning that served as a “prayer cue” to cover our children in prayer – especially their vehicles and safety.

Yesterday afternoon his hood came unlatched while he was driving, came back and smashed his windshield. There were no injuries and no accidents. Just a smashed windshield, a very thankful family and a faithful God who daily makes his wisdom available to anyone who will tune in to receive it.

Take this opportunity to cover yourself and your family in prayer. Make a commitment to listen to wisdom when it comes and keep your priorities straight. You will never be sorry for following the goodness and mercy of God.

Psalm 91 (NLT)

Those who live in the shelter of the Most High
will find rest in the shadow of the Almighty.
This I declare about the Lord :
He alone is my refuge, my place of safety;
he is my God, and I trust him.
For he will rescue you from every trap
and protect you from deadly disease.
He will cover you with his feathers.
He will shelter you with his wings.
His faithful promises are your armor and protection.
Do not be afraid of the terrors of the night,
nor the arrow that flies in the day.
Do not dread the disease that stalks in darkness,
nor the disaster that strikes at midday.
Though a thousand fall at your side,
though ten thousand are dying around you,
these evils will not touch you.
Just open your eyes,
and see how the wicked are punished.

If you make the Lord your refuge,
if you make the Most High your shelter,
no evil will conquer you;
no plague will come near your home.
For he will order his angels
to protect you wherever you go.
They will hold you up with their hands
so you won't even hurt your foot on a stone.
You will trample upon lions and cobras;
you will crush fierce lions and serpents under your feet!

The Lord says, "I will rescue those who love me.
I will protect those who trust in my name.
When they call on me, I will answer;
I will be with them in trouble.
I will rescue and honor them.
I will reward them with a long life
and give them my salvation."

Got it all together? Me neither. . .

A dream becomes a goal the moment you write it down.
A goal becomes a plan the moment you break it down into doable steps.
A plan becomes a reality only when you take action.

Proverbs 27:12 - The prudent see danger and take refuge, but the simple keep going and suffer for it.

A prudent person is a wise person. He is aware of the cause and effect relationship between what he chooses today and what he experiences tomorrow. What’s decided in one season of life will affect the next season – better or worse.

Everyone – yes everyone makes decisions every day that affect what their future looks like. Everyone does this -- every day. (Me especially) (and you especially).

Let me ask you a question. Are you satisfied today with the results of your decisions, your actions, your habits over the past three years? All of them? Most people are not.

What do you wish was different?

One of the lies we need to settle for ourselves is this: As humans we want to create a persona that says, “I have it all together.” We want people to say, “How did they pull it off?”

But what does God require of us?

Paul prayed in Phil 1:9-11: I pray that your love will keep on growing (#1) in knowledge and every kind of discernment, so that you can determine what really matters (#2) and can be pure and blameless in the day of Christ (#3) filled with the fruit of righteousness (#4) that comes through Jesus Christ, to the glory and praise of God.

Being 50 brings some added personal responsibility

Remember my 180 to 50 goals?

One of them was to schedule a colonoscopy for myself (oh yeah baby!)(I can now say: “Check!”)

Friends have said that the anticipation of the procedure is worse than the thing itself. (I will let you know in May)

During my last checkup, my doctor gave me several items to do before I see her again. It seems that approaching a 50th birthday opens up a whole new file in the doctor's office with do’s and don’ts and add this much more calcium daily and schedule some routine exams you never had before. That sort of thing.

Colonoscopy is one of those things I needed to take some personal responsibility for. What about you? (You don’t have to personally reply to that question)

On a serious note to encourage all of my fellow “50ish” friends, here are some statistics to encourage you to take good care of yourself. (You are worth it!)

• If all Americans were screened regularly, it would save 25,000 lives each year.

• When diagnosed early, 90% of colorectal cancers are completely curable.

• About 75% of people in the U.S. who develop colorectal cancer are 50 or older with no other identifiable risk factors.

• Getting a colonoscopy can reduce the average person's risk of dying from colorectal cancer by 90%.

Again, let me repeat. You are worth it! Take every action you know to take to be healthy! We need you!

Graduation - a change, gradually

If you have kids in school, especially high school, you know the end of the school year is right around the corner. The countdown has begun at my house . . . T-minus 19 school days to go.

I have a high school senior living at my house. And although in so many ways, the close of these next few weeks seems like the end of something, in reality . . . it’s a beginning.

Commencement -- That’s what we are preparing for right now . . . A ceremony prefaced by senior pictures orders, cap and gown measurements, announcements sent. Signaling the end of high school – yes. But yet . . .

The word “Commencement” is interesting here. Commencement defined: Beginning, first, kickoff.

It’s the beginning of a thing …. Not the ending of a thing.

Our son is graduating . . . this word is not an “ending” word either. It means to change, gradually. So, although the finishing of high school is certainly a major accomplishment and a major step, it is meant to be a gradual change in life . . . a gradual change to the next thing (in his case, it's college).

This applies to the parents too. Our son is our second (and last) child to graduate from high school. It’s an odd feeling . . . and yet, has been a graduation for us too --- a change, gradually.

So we all are commencing . . . beginning something new. We are parents, now, of grown adult children. It’s a little bit amazing to us. The years do roll along at a pretty swift pace, and yet, it’s gentle (at times), fun, overwhelming in moments, but steady. Time is time and the passing of it remains predictable. We have learned to make the most of it, enjoy every day, create memorable “bookmarks” for our children in their growing up, and cherish the responsibility the Lord gave us for these two amazing kids.

And so . . . we watch another beginning . . .

Super Hero or Not? Part 4

Rules Require Consequences

Some parents cringe at the thought of applying consequences, fearing it may harm the relationship they have with their teenager. Step-parents and adoptive parents can be especially conflicted on this point. But I’ve found that young people want rules from their parents, step-parents and adoptive parents. And what good are rules without consequences for breaking the rules? The world makes more sense to kids when they know what is expected and what is not. They feel safer when they know where the boundaries are. And they find comfort in the consistency of parents who stick to their guns, while loving their children just as much no matter how many mistakes they make.

My advice to you is to build maturity and character in your teenager through sound rules and reasonable consequences. Do this consistently, and with a strong and loving relationship, and I guarantee that someday you’ll hear your child call you their biggest hero — a true Super Hero.

This post is an exerpt from a blog by Mark Gregston, Parenting Today’s Teens. Connect with Mark at www.markgregston.com.

Super Hero or Not? (Part 3)

First-Time Consequences

When a teenager first misbehaves, parents can nip it in the bud by applying disproportionate first-time consequences. Unless a child learns a memorable lesson the very first time they are caught, each wrong deed can be a stepping stone to more serious missteps. Disproportionate first-time consequences ensure that the child never thinks about making that same mistake again.

For instance, if you catch your teen driving under the influence, you might consider donating their car to a local charity. Now, that’s a big deal to the teenager, but it could prevent them from dying in future a car wreck, or from having a lifelong problem with alcohol. Or, the first time they miss curfew you might require them to volunteer at the local mission every weekend for a month.

In both cases, the first-time consequences I’ve illustrated are both uncomfortable and memorable for a lifetime. The teen won’t soon forget that they lost their car or had to volunteer every weekend for making a stupid mistake, and they’ll wonder what bigger privilege they’ll lose if they do it again! Compare that to what most parents do today, which is to ground their child. Grounding can be appropriate at times, but grounding is more of a convenience to parents than anything — at least they know where their teenager is! If you resort to grounding, then couple it with something memorable and decidedly boring for your teen, like several hours of physical yard work with no iPod, no cell phone and no friends hanging around to entertain them.

Don’t Waffle on the Consequences

A parent is his own worst enemy when he waffles or makes idle threats in regard to consequences. It takes effort to properly discipline children, and that’s why it is easier for parents to warn, warn again, and then resort to yelling angry warnings instead of simply applying consequences. Warnings serve to tell kids that they have multiple opportunities to avoid consequences, and they quickly learn just how far they can exasperate their parent before the parent takes action. So, the house ends up in a constant state of chaos and everyone feels lousy.

If you waffle or don’t follow through, it’s an empty threat that will teach your teen that you don’t mean what you say, and he is not responsible managing the problems he creates. On the other hand, when your teen realizes that he’ll be held responsible for his actions and every part of his life, then your life will improve, and so will his.

So, what happens if your teenager holds out longer than expected? In other words, he keeps making the same mistakes in spite of the consequences. My advice is to hang in there. Rather than changing the game plan, continue to apply consequences, even if there seems to be no positive effect. Eventually they will take hold, but only if you don’t waver. If you stop or lighten the consequences, you’ll be giving your teenager exactly what he is holding out for. You’ll lose all credibility and it will undermine your ability to correct them at all in the future

Tomorrow Part 4 of 4. For more information about Mark Gregston go to www.markgregston.com)

Super Hero or Not? (Part 2)

Why Kids Need Consequences

It’s no mystery. Teenagers behave irresponsibly when they’ve not had to be responsible for their behavior. They do not magically become more responsible, mature, or wise as they get older. They learn experientially, and they get wiser by living. They learn by being given responsibility and by facing uncomfortable consequences for failing in that responsibility or making bad decisions. If they put their hand in a flame, they need to learn they’ll get burned. Even if you tell them they’ll be burned, at some point they’ll test out your theory. And if they don’t feel the sting of the fire when they do test it, they’ll likely do it again and again, just to show you that you’re wrong!

So, what does Scripture say about consequences? In Proverbs it says, “The Lord disciplines those He loves” (Proverbs 3:12a) and “Discipline your son, and he will give you peace”( Proverbs 29:17). Discipline is a principle found throughout the Old and New Testaments. So, there is nothing more loving, biblical and godly than to give proper discipline to your children.

Consequences can be the natural result of foolish actions, such as breaking a leg from jumping off a roof, or they can be what employers, parents or authorities use to bring about a positive change in behavior. For parents, the goal of consequences is not punishment; it is to help your teenager grow up. In adult life, we deal with consequences every day, and if we’re smart we avoid them, but teenagers still need to learn that wisdom, even though they are capable of being adults intellectually and biologically.

This is part two of a series I am reposting from Mark Gregston (Parenting Today's Teens).

Super Hero or Not?

The following is an excellent blog from Mark Gregston. During the next four days I will post his blog in its entirety.

None of us can see our own errors; deliver me, LORD, from (my) hidden faults! -¬ Psalms 19:12

Being a super hero works out pretty well in the movies or comic books, but when it comes to parenting, rescuing your teenager every time can lead to problems. It can spoil their ability to see the world as it truly is, and it can cause uncaring, self-centered and entitled thinking in your teenager now and throughout their lifetime.

Parents are wired to protect their children. It’s natural and it is needed in the early childhood years, but some parents continue protecting their offspring far longer than they should. Beginning in the teen years, kids need to begin feeling the impact of their own actions and to be given more responsibility for their own survival.

Counter to what some people might think, I find that the most irresponsible teens come from the most responsible parents. I call them “Super Parents.” They are so fixated on fixing problems that they fix all of their teenager’s mistakes as well. They don their cape and fly off to badger a teacher who has given their teenager a bad grade. They run faster than a steaming locomotive and bend steel bars to get their errant teen out of jail. And in everyday terms; they pick up their teen’s room, manage his money, pay his speeding tickets, wash his cloths and rush him to school when he oversleeps in the morning.

When it comes to parenting in the teen years, another name for a “Super Parent” is an “enabler.” They enable a teen to go right on breaking the rules and stomping all over everyone – and each time the teen is rescued it is from something a little more serious.

If you are an enabler, I’d like you to consider a different approach, for everyone’s sake. Life doesn’t have to revolve around chasing after your teen’s problems – even if you like being the super hero! Believe me; the problems will only get worse, not better, with every rescue. You’re not doing your teenager any favors. In fact, you’ll likely end up with exactly the opposite of what you are hoping for – a childish adult who remains dependent on you and cannot manage his finances, his relationships, nor his life.

The only way out of this spin cycle is to bring it to an end. How? By having a good talk with your teenager to tell them you will no longer be intervening on their behalf. Then hand your teen’s problems right back to them. They won’t believe it at first. They’ll think you’ll still rescue them, but don’t do it! They need to feel the bite of making their own mistakes, and they need to know you won’t come running (or leaping tall buildings) to rescue them. I’m not talking about “not being there” for your teen, or ignoring them and “throwing them to the wolves.” I’m talking about rescuing them from opportunities they encounter in life that will help them develop responsibility, make better choices, and mature.

Until the pain of consequences of behavior is greater than the pleasure a teen gets from that particular behavior, their actions won’t stop.

Love covers all things - It's a Full Spectrum!

Love is Sincere.

“This is the great unworldliness,” Drummond says. “Love thinks no evil, imputes no motive, sees the bright side, puts the best construction on every action. What a delightful state of mind to live in. What a stimulus and benediction even to meet with it for a day! To be trusted is to be saved. And if we try to influence or elevate others, we shall soon see that success is in proportion to their belief of our belief in them.”

In my opinion, love thinks the best . . . It thinks the best of your friends, your spouse, your children, your family. You may have heard the quote, “We judge others by their actions, but we judge ourselves by our motive or intent.” Judge others by their best intentions - - give the benefit of the doubt in their decisions or your perceived motives. You never lose when you think the best.

“Love rejoiceth not in iniquity but rejoiceth in truth. I have called this Sincerity. The charity which delights not in exposing the weakness of others, but “covers all things.” (Drummond)

Jesus is our example – He covered all things. He covered all my “things” – all shortcomings, all sin, all wrong motives. He covered all.

Rejoice this weekend . . . Jesus loved. He covered all things on the cross. And then He arose! He got up, and He made us His example. Be a good one, too.

Love well.