Look at me when I’m talking to you!

As parents of small children, it seemed impossible to imagine what our 2 year old will look like, how he will act when he’s 18, what his personality will be. Instead, we enjoy every moment and just watch and experience every day . . . one at a time.

And soon enough, our toddlers are teenagers – wonderful teenagers. I have enjoyed every single day of every age of our children. And God is faithful to give wisdom for every age, every phase, every new aspect of young life.

Teenagers provide provoking conversations. They ask questions of their parents about life goals, dreams (you still have some, right mom and dad?) and the future. This all takes listening. Lots of listening. In the listening, make sure you stop long enough to also look them in the eyes. Your teens completely understand the depth of communication that can come with eye contact.

The following is from Mark Gregston’s blog (Heartlight Ministries). It’s a good reminder for all of us.

There is a vital link between the amount of time you spend listening to your teenager and their willingness to listen to you in return.

A friend told me this story. He said, “My son was upset about something and wanted to talk about it at that very moment. But he caught me in the middle of something. So I only half listened, and made no eye contact. When I was finished, I went back to talk to him … but he only half listened, and wouldn’t make eye contact. I asked why and he said ‘Why should I do that for you, when you didn’t for me.’”

The dad apologized and learned to listen to be a better listener, thereby assuring that his teen would do the same.

Look at them when they talk to you. Look at them when you are talking to them. This will make a difference. A huge difference in how the conversation goes. Every time. The eyes are the windows of the soul. Really. You’ll see more than words.

When Teenagers begin to show maturity . . .

The number one goal of a parent is to raise their children to become loving, confident, self-sufficient, sensible adults who love God, love and take care of their families, and contribute to community.

This is a quick 6 item list to help along the way from Mark Gregston of Heartlight Ministries – He gives good insight for parents.

So, what’s a parent to do when their child reaches the teen years and begins to show maturity?
Here’s what I recommend:
1) Loosen the reins, but remain watchful.
2) Continue to have a presence in their life; not one that dominates or hovers, but one that guides and limits when necessary, and sets them free to soar when appropriate.
3) Keep connected with the tools of their trade, like text messaging, cell phones, and social networking.
4) Invite their friends into your home, so you can get to know them.
5) Find some fun things you enjoy doing together.
6) And above all else, be sure to meet with them individually once a week, mostly just to listen to what’s on their heart.
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©2009 Mark Gregston Heartlight Ministries

Kissing is Good For You!

Kissing is Good For You! But you probably already knew that.

This is for you husbands and wives! In honor of Valentine’s Day, the Yahoo home page had links to several articles about romance and I liked this one especially. Kissing is good for you . . . and here is a summary of the five reasons why.

1.) Kissing boosts immunity.
2.) Kissing helps you pick the best mate (I might add reminds you why they are)
3.) Kissing burns calories!
4.) Kissing keeps facial muscles strong.
5.) Kissing naturally relaxes you.

I have a philosophy – which I have written about before – but here it is:

A 30 second kiss EVERY DAY will enhance and improve the state of your marriage. Now I am a firm believer that some days should involve kisses that last longer than 30 seconds, but I am talking about a daily habit for married couples.

This kiss will force each of you to focus completely on the other for this half a minute. A quick peck or any form of duty kiss will not cause a change of focus on your spouse. It’s still a good thing to do, but a 30-second kiss says something different.

A serious kiss can say several things. “I love you.” “I love what this could lead to later.” Or it simply says, “No matter what else has happened today, coming home to you, seeing you again, gives me great joy and comfort.”

A serious kiss says: I choose you!

pocket

I’d like to make you
Small enough
To carry around
In my pocket.
Then we could be together
All the time.
And you could tumble
And stretch
Between my thumb
And forefinger,
And tickle my palm
When I start making
Self-important faces
At the world.

My son gave me a book of poetry by Dick Summer for my birthday. This is one of my favorites from the collection "lovin touch III."

Enjoy.

Today is my birthday

Today is my birthday.

It is. But this isn't about that!

Rather: Authentic. A great word.

I think being authentic means you understand yourself well enough to discover through your life story, experiences and what you believe, to live life fully and with the ability to give to others. It’s genuine. Real. Transparent.

To be authentic requires some quiet time. Okay, it requires a lot of quiet time – regularly. Often. One of my favorite verses of Scripture is Philippians 2:13. “For God is working in you, giving you the desire and the power to do what pleases Him.”

Psalm 37:4 says “Take delight in the Lord, and He will give you your heart’s desires.”

They are the same. The desires of my heart come from God --- who works them in me so that I can have power to do them!

Today really is my birthday. My plan for this important 50th year is to be authentic and to encourage others to be the same – to rejoice in who they are and pursue it with all that’s within them. It’s God’s desire.

Authentic. Are you? What are you born to do? What are you suppose to do now? What’s next? Do you know?

Locate yourself. True North, remember? The One who created you did it on purpose! Get quiet. Write some goals. It’s the first step to getting there.

Another one of my “180” goals – getting a facial. Some time at the spa helps me be an authentic woman. Reminds me that taking care of myself is vital to accomplish the other things on my list --- the items for me . . . but better than that -- being strong for others entrusted to me. Others.

Getting Back to True North

Every once in a while I need to locate myself – Find my True North. Everyone has one – a True North, that is.

“True North is the internal compass that guides you successfully through life. It represents who you are as a human being at your deepest level. It is your orienting point – your fixed point in a spinning world – that you stay on track . . . Your True North is based on what is most important to you, your most cherished values, your passions and motivations, the sources of satisfaction in your life.” (This excellent definition is from True North by Bill George)

When you follow your internal compass, you will be authentic.

While I was forming my 50 goals for my “180 to 50” project, I was looking for those things that made me --- well, me. I suppose. It was a time to reflect, dream, get practical, get not-so-practical . . . and write it down, make it real. Find True North for me and head that way.

So some of my goals included things like: #13 – Read a Novel. #15 – Read another novel. I want to read as many Pulitzer Prize winning authors as possible in the next 40 years.

Since I was in elementary school, I have been an avid reader, and then a writer. I wrote letters, long letters to family far way, short stories, journals, etc. The ability to create vivid pictures with words is one of my greatest aspirations. I was editor of my high school newspaper. I loved words. I received my Bachelors in Journalism from Central Michigan University (CMU), and continue to be a student of written words. I enjoy excellent authors. They are gifts to us. True North for me? Reading.

Authentic --- there’s a word. It deserves some attention. Next time.

Counting down . . . .

Six months ago I started a project. The title of it came to me immediately. “180 to 50.” That day, August 10th I was exactly 6 months away from a significant birthday. A milestone birthday --- a jubilee birthday!

My decision: How will I approach it? With dread, woe and apprehension? NO!!!! With anticipation, joy, hope? I wanted that to be my response. I had to decide the “how” to do that and what it looked like.

So my journey began. It took me a few days, but I identified 50 goals for myself before I turned 50. This exercise was harder than I thought it would be --- Surely, it would be a no brainer to set 50 goals. But it wasn’t so easy because I wanted them to be important and really worth pursuing . . . not impossible butreal and satisfying.

Habakkuk 2:2 says ‘Write the vision and make it plain so that when you see it you can run with it.’

Writing down goals puts them in front of you. . . our humanness then will pursue the completion of them. It’s a natural progression. It’s how we are made.

Jim Collins is famous in my world for this great “word” – BHAG! (Pronounced “Be hag”) Big, Hairy, Audacious Goal. Do you have some? You should! Everybody should.

I will share some of my “180 to 50 goals” in blogs to come. Some may seem little … like “read a novel.” But for me, personally, that one has significance. I’ll explain that one day.

I am celebrating my life in some small or big way every day in February . . . “The Lord delights in us.” I am going to be delighted too.

Last One Up Makes the Bed

We have a good marriage. We live by some simple rules.

Some are standard:

Don’t go to bed angry. Don’t go to bed without minimum of three kisses. (and the kisses are better if you don’t put night time lip balm on first).

I do the laundry. He takes care of house maintenance items like HVAC filters, smoke detectors, anything that goes “bump” or leaks or shorts out or produces smoke, smells or scratches in the walls. Fortunately, those have been limited over our 27 years.

I don’t mind the routine things like grocery lists and laundry folding. I love it that the unexpected things usually don’t belong to me --- like the snake on the back porch or the gecko in the kitchen, or the dryer isn’t heating, or that sink is stopped up. He’s handy.

He takes care of the emergencies. He operates better with items that aren’t the norm. He’s creative. He kinda lives that way. Sometimes it’s messier than me, sometimes it’s unpredictable. Sometimes it’s not how I would do it. But it’s much more fun.

But it’s still odd to me that when he makes the bed, the pillows line up symmetrically. I like them messy.

I squeeze the toothpaste in the middle -- He "fixes" the tube back and flattens out the bottom.

That's what marriage is --- appreciating the differences, minimizing any annoyances, compromise at whatever level is needed for peace.

Keep the small stuff small. Love is patient, kind. It's easy going and it gives room for being human. I am so glad he gives me room to be extremely human.

Last one out of the bed, makes the bed.

First one out of bed usually makes the coffee.

I got these for you!

Today I received a huge gift . . .

I started that sentence four days ago and have not been able to finish the thought because the magnitude of it continues to run through my thinking --- every day now for the past 4 days the memory of my feelings when I saw it.

You see, I know this person and a little bit about their life. Kind, somewhat quiet, devoted parent, single, faithful employee, loves God.

I am humbled by the magnitude of the giving heart connected with the significant value of this gift. I am embarrassed that I have not yet written the thank you note, but I think it’s because I am touched beyond words and don’t know if I my gratitude can be expressed adequately enough. (Not a reason, by the way, to not say thank you). I am humbled.

The best way to respond? Receive it and be grateful. Next best thing to do? Give. Give to someone else. Look for the exact place. Be aware of those around me and be there to make a difference.