I'm not eating with you if you're gonna be a Meanie!

If you been married for any length of time (beyond 2 weeks), you have probably had a conversation something like this:


We are funny creatures - you and me. In our efforts to be unselfish, easy to be around, we often frustrate those closest to us by our mere "kindness."

It's really okay to make a decision. Voice it. Then see what happens. Sometimes it's just what your spouse needs. Be authentic. Be honest. (But don't be a meanie).

It's still January . . .

If you have ever waited for THAT college acceptance letter, or that “we love your manuscript” letter, or “your test results came back negative” letter, you know what anticipation feels like. You understand those words that put hope in your planned future – the document that seals the deal. That seals your deal.

January can still be that for you. It is for me – every year. The beginning of things. Again. The whole month says “Use me to start fresh. Use me to regain perspective. Use me to establish action items for some priorities. Go ahead. I dare you.”

Earlier this month my husband and I sat down together and talked about goals. We talked about what we had for ourselves, and we discussed some that we saw for each other. Some of our individual goals matched. So we looked at our calendars and established time blocks for them. Our schedules need to be altered a little bit to fit it in, but we are going to do that. There are some dreams we both have, and we found blocks of time to set aside to work on them. In that we became accountable to the other.

God’s Word says, “I know the plans I have for you. They are to give you a hope and a future.” (Jeremiah) Nobody can cover you like the Father. Nobody.

And if it helps you to draw in your spouse, a close friend, a pastor to help you -- Do it.

I’ve got my husband’s back on his planned future. He’s got mine. That feels real good.

It’s still January. Find your place and outline the plan. Put some action steps to it.

I dare you.

You gotta get away!

My husband and I recently returned from a road trip – created by us – to celebrate our last anniversary. You see, our anniversary is in December so once autumn begins, then the holidays are in full swing, anniversary, Christmas . . . celebrating takes a bit of a back seat. Instead, we plan something during the year after. It’s good for us.

But it’s not easy.

Any couple with any sort of jobs, family, children, church responsibilities . . . well you know -- It’s called LIFE – any couple with any of those items involving their time find it difficult to set aside time just for the two of them . . with each other. Only.

As you read this, how many of you are saying to yourselves, “Tell me about it. We don’t ever do anything that’s just the two of us.” Admitting the problem is the First Step.

The truth is, our responsibilities do take most of our energy, our time, and our imagination. But here’s where a time out is needed along with a good evaluation of your marriage. But more importantly, the future of it.

Scott and I have a good marriage – 27 plus years. And because it’s good, it’s easy to take for granted that anything “extra” is ever needed or required to keep it cutting edge. Until you make the time, plan a date, or regular dates, or especially a short get-away, you don’t realize how much you need it until you do it.

We spent a few days at the beach in South Texas – during the off season. Not very expensive, within driving distance of home . . . but it helped us. And it proved once again, that time being our most valuable resource, is most valuable spent with each other.

Take some time and talk to your spouse. Plan a date, a movie, a dinner, something away from the house. Just you two. Start somewhere. Plan it. Schedule it. Do it.

Your children need solid parents in a solid marriage. You need it too.

Last One Up Makes the Bed

We have a good marriage. We live by some simple rules.

Some are standard:

Don’t go to bed angry. Don’t go to bed without minimum of three kisses. (and the kisses are better if you don’t put night time lip balm on first).

I do the laundry. He takes care of house maintenance items like HVAC filters, smoke detectors, anything that goes “bump” or leaks or shorts out or produces smoke, smells or scratches in the walls. Fortunately, those have been limited over our 27 years.

I don’t mind the routine things like grocery lists and laundry folding. I love it that the unexpected things usually don’t belong to me --- like the snake on the back porch or the gecko in the kitchen, or the dryer isn’t heating, or that sink is stopped up. He’s handy.

He takes care of the emergencies. He operates better with items that aren’t the norm. He’s creative. He kinda lives that way. Sometimes it’s messier than me, sometimes it’s unpredictable. Sometimes it’s not how I would do it. But it’s much more fun.

But it’s still odd to me that when he makes the bed, the pillows line up symmetrically. I like them messy.

I squeeze the toothpaste in the middle -- He "fixes" the tube back and flattens out the bottom.

That's what marriage is --- appreciating the differences, minimizing any annoyances, compromise at whatever level is needed for peace.

Keep the small stuff small. Love is patient, kind. It's easy going and it gives room for being human. I am so glad he gives me room to be extremely human.

Last one out of the bed, makes the bed.

First one out of bed usually makes the coffee.

Happy Anniversary to us!

The one who inspires me to get out of myself . . . in things of love, life and dreaming . . . today we celebrate 27 years of being married!

It’s because of Scott that I am writing this blog today. I seem to have taken a little hiatus from blogging, allowing the other “things” of life, work and general busy-ness to squeeze out one of those things that I am passionate about . . . time to write, express and move into unknown territories not part of my routine schedule. Scott is my example of pursuing dreams, ideas and things “not the norm.” He’s my inspiration for pursuing ideas bigger than my current world.

So, today I spend a few extra minutes, not putting packages together to ship for Christmas, or one more load of laundry, or even an errand or two listed on my list . . . but because of him, I pause, reflect and use some black and white words.

It doesn’t seem possible that these 27 years belong to us already. After this much time, I still get excited when the caller ID on my phone shows he’s calling. The end of the day is still my favorite time knowing we spend it together. His witty thinking and off the cuff jokes and puns are still the funniest. The smile in his eye still catches me off guard sometimes.

Honestly, I think the anniversary card we received from our daughter today summarizes best.
“She looked at him.
He looked at her.
And everyone who saw that look
Wanted to throw up a little.”

Yes – sometimes, it’s just that sweet . Just that syrupy, mushy, amazing, wonderful . . . SWEET!

Because of Scott Allen, I continue to learn to love unselfishly. Next to Jesus, he’s my best example.