You gotta get away!

My husband and I recently returned from a road trip – created by us – to celebrate our last anniversary. You see, our anniversary is in December so once autumn begins, then the holidays are in full swing, anniversary, Christmas . . . celebrating takes a bit of a back seat. Instead, we plan something during the year after. It’s good for us.

But it’s not easy.

Any couple with any sort of jobs, family, children, church responsibilities . . . well you know -- It’s called LIFE – any couple with any of those items involving their time find it difficult to set aside time just for the two of them . . with each other. Only.

As you read this, how many of you are saying to yourselves, “Tell me about it. We don’t ever do anything that’s just the two of us.” Admitting the problem is the First Step.

The truth is, our responsibilities do take most of our energy, our time, and our imagination. But here’s where a time out is needed along with a good evaluation of your marriage. But more importantly, the future of it.

Scott and I have a good marriage – 27 plus years. And because it’s good, it’s easy to take for granted that anything “extra” is ever needed or required to keep it cutting edge. Until you make the time, plan a date, or regular dates, or especially a short get-away, you don’t realize how much you need it until you do it.

We spent a few days at the beach in South Texas – during the off season. Not very expensive, within driving distance of home . . . but it helped us. And it proved once again, that time being our most valuable resource, is most valuable spent with each other.

Take some time and talk to your spouse. Plan a date, a movie, a dinner, something away from the house. Just you two. Start somewhere. Plan it. Schedule it. Do it.

Your children need solid parents in a solid marriage. You need it too.

It's a Grand Re-Opening!!

OR: Where in the World is Debbie Sandiego?

Hopefully you don’t mind if I answer that question. I’ve been hiding I suppose – Hiding in my summer. Hiding in my son’s preparation for his first year at college and my daughter's senior year at college too. Hiding in some other projects. Hiding in our “empty nest.” But now it’s time to get up on some priorities, some discipline, some future thinking and visioning.

A Grand Re-Opening (of sorts)? I have always found those banners a little bit funny. What is a Grand Re-opening anyway? Another way of saying, “Let’s try this again and start again – only better.” Maybe it means smarter, or with more time to have counted the cost to get going again. Maybe it just means, I need to work harder to make it go.

In any case, that’s where I am. I took a summer off from my regular blog --- not with any real intentions to do so up front . . . but the cares of my life --- or rather the “caring of my life and those I love” became my priority. And you know, sometimes it’s okay to do that. The Bible calls it rest. And if that really is the reason for laying something down, or stepping aside from it for a season, then it can be rest.

It could also be called “avoidance or laziness or selfishness.” I call it rest. This time.

But today – a new day. I’m still resting, but it’s time to do a Grand Re-Opening. Of my blog, yes. Of a new incentive to push forward into some dreams I might have. Yes to that too.

How about you? What have you layed down that should be only for a season? Not forever?

Dust it off. Pick it up. Get moving.

Big Shoes to Fill

Today I break my non blog writing fast (not an intentional hibernation from my blog) . . . It’s just been a busy few weeks – or has it been months?

But today I write to say a few words about the best man I know: The Daddy of my children – the husband of my youth . . . who grew into the best father that I know.

From Day 1 – a little over 21 years ago, he stepped completely into the “Daddy shoes” and he has walked through every stage of these two beautiful kids’ lives . . . completely, fully engaged and with more love than I thought possible.

My kids are blessed beyond words to have this man as the head of our household, as the pray-er over our needs, and as the watcher of our home.

He’s talented. Extremely talented. Funny. Silly at the right times. And solid. Even tempered. Kind. Generous.

He has the love of a father. He has the love of our Heavenly Father. Big shoes to fill. And yet he does.

I am a blessed woman.

Keeping Our Priorities Straight

Guest Blogger: Scott Allen

This is an actual picture of the actual windshield of my son’s car yesterday. He’s fine. Thank God! It was a really freak incident and he handled it amazingly well. Debbie and I had been praying over him off and on all day. We witnessed an accident early in the morning that served as a “prayer cue” to cover our children in prayer – especially their vehicles and safety.

Yesterday afternoon his hood came unlatched while he was driving, came back and smashed his windshield. There were no injuries and no accidents. Just a smashed windshield, a very thankful family and a faithful God who daily makes his wisdom available to anyone who will tune in to receive it.

Take this opportunity to cover yourself and your family in prayer. Make a commitment to listen to wisdom when it comes and keep your priorities straight. You will never be sorry for following the goodness and mercy of God.

Psalm 91 (NLT)

Those who live in the shelter of the Most High
will find rest in the shadow of the Almighty.
This I declare about the Lord :
He alone is my refuge, my place of safety;
he is my God, and I trust him.
For he will rescue you from every trap
and protect you from deadly disease.
He will cover you with his feathers.
He will shelter you with his wings.
His faithful promises are your armor and protection.
Do not be afraid of the terrors of the night,
nor the arrow that flies in the day.
Do not dread the disease that stalks in darkness,
nor the disaster that strikes at midday.
Though a thousand fall at your side,
though ten thousand are dying around you,
these evils will not touch you.
Just open your eyes,
and see how the wicked are punished.

If you make the Lord your refuge,
if you make the Most High your shelter,
no evil will conquer you;
no plague will come near your home.
For he will order his angels
to protect you wherever you go.
They will hold you up with their hands
so you won't even hurt your foot on a stone.
You will trample upon lions and cobras;
you will crush fierce lions and serpents under your feet!

The Lord says, "I will rescue those who love me.
I will protect those who trust in my name.
When they call on me, I will answer;
I will be with them in trouble.
I will rescue and honor them.
I will reward them with a long life
and give them my salvation."

Got it all together? Me neither. . .

A dream becomes a goal the moment you write it down.
A goal becomes a plan the moment you break it down into doable steps.
A plan becomes a reality only when you take action.

Proverbs 27:12 - The prudent see danger and take refuge, but the simple keep going and suffer for it.

A prudent person is a wise person. He is aware of the cause and effect relationship between what he chooses today and what he experiences tomorrow. What’s decided in one season of life will affect the next season – better or worse.

Everyone – yes everyone makes decisions every day that affect what their future looks like. Everyone does this -- every day. (Me especially) (and you especially).

Let me ask you a question. Are you satisfied today with the results of your decisions, your actions, your habits over the past three years? All of them? Most people are not.

What do you wish was different?

One of the lies we need to settle for ourselves is this: As humans we want to create a persona that says, “I have it all together.” We want people to say, “How did they pull it off?”

But what does God require of us?

Paul prayed in Phil 1:9-11: I pray that your love will keep on growing (#1) in knowledge and every kind of discernment, so that you can determine what really matters (#2) and can be pure and blameless in the day of Christ (#3) filled with the fruit of righteousness (#4) that comes through Jesus Christ, to the glory and praise of God.

Being 50 brings some added personal responsibility

Remember my 180 to 50 goals?

One of them was to schedule a colonoscopy for myself (oh yeah baby!)(I can now say: “Check!”)

Friends have said that the anticipation of the procedure is worse than the thing itself. (I will let you know in May)

During my last checkup, my doctor gave me several items to do before I see her again. It seems that approaching a 50th birthday opens up a whole new file in the doctor's office with do’s and don’ts and add this much more calcium daily and schedule some routine exams you never had before. That sort of thing.

Colonoscopy is one of those things I needed to take some personal responsibility for. What about you? (You don’t have to personally reply to that question)

On a serious note to encourage all of my fellow “50ish” friends, here are some statistics to encourage you to take good care of yourself. (You are worth it!)

• If all Americans were screened regularly, it would save 25,000 lives each year.

• When diagnosed early, 90% of colorectal cancers are completely curable.

• About 75% of people in the U.S. who develop colorectal cancer are 50 or older with no other identifiable risk factors.

• Getting a colonoscopy can reduce the average person's risk of dying from colorectal cancer by 90%.

Again, let me repeat. You are worth it! Take every action you know to take to be healthy! We need you!

Graduation - a change, gradually

If you have kids in school, especially high school, you know the end of the school year is right around the corner. The countdown has begun at my house . . . T-minus 19 school days to go.

I have a high school senior living at my house. And although in so many ways, the close of these next few weeks seems like the end of something, in reality . . . it’s a beginning.

Commencement -- That’s what we are preparing for right now . . . A ceremony prefaced by senior pictures orders, cap and gown measurements, announcements sent. Signaling the end of high school – yes. But yet . . .

The word “Commencement” is interesting here. Commencement defined: Beginning, first, kickoff.

It’s the beginning of a thing …. Not the ending of a thing.

Our son is graduating . . . this word is not an “ending” word either. It means to change, gradually. So, although the finishing of high school is certainly a major accomplishment and a major step, it is meant to be a gradual change in life . . . a gradual change to the next thing (in his case, it's college).

This applies to the parents too. Our son is our second (and last) child to graduate from high school. It’s an odd feeling . . . and yet, has been a graduation for us too --- a change, gradually.

So we all are commencing . . . beginning something new. We are parents, now, of grown adult children. It’s a little bit amazing to us. The years do roll along at a pretty swift pace, and yet, it’s gentle (at times), fun, overwhelming in moments, but steady. Time is time and the passing of it remains predictable. We have learned to make the most of it, enjoy every day, create memorable “bookmarks” for our children in their growing up, and cherish the responsibility the Lord gave us for these two amazing kids.

And so . . . we watch another beginning . . .

Super Hero or Not? Part 4

Rules Require Consequences

Some parents cringe at the thought of applying consequences, fearing it may harm the relationship they have with their teenager. Step-parents and adoptive parents can be especially conflicted on this point. But I’ve found that young people want rules from their parents, step-parents and adoptive parents. And what good are rules without consequences for breaking the rules? The world makes more sense to kids when they know what is expected and what is not. They feel safer when they know where the boundaries are. And they find comfort in the consistency of parents who stick to their guns, while loving their children just as much no matter how many mistakes they make.

My advice to you is to build maturity and character in your teenager through sound rules and reasonable consequences. Do this consistently, and with a strong and loving relationship, and I guarantee that someday you’ll hear your child call you their biggest hero — a true Super Hero.

This post is an exerpt from a blog by Mark Gregston, Parenting Today’s Teens. Connect with Mark at www.markgregston.com.

Super Hero or Not? (Part 3)

First-Time Consequences

When a teenager first misbehaves, parents can nip it in the bud by applying disproportionate first-time consequences. Unless a child learns a memorable lesson the very first time they are caught, each wrong deed can be a stepping stone to more serious missteps. Disproportionate first-time consequences ensure that the child never thinks about making that same mistake again.

For instance, if you catch your teen driving under the influence, you might consider donating their car to a local charity. Now, that’s a big deal to the teenager, but it could prevent them from dying in future a car wreck, or from having a lifelong problem with alcohol. Or, the first time they miss curfew you might require them to volunteer at the local mission every weekend for a month.

In both cases, the first-time consequences I’ve illustrated are both uncomfortable and memorable for a lifetime. The teen won’t soon forget that they lost their car or had to volunteer every weekend for making a stupid mistake, and they’ll wonder what bigger privilege they’ll lose if they do it again! Compare that to what most parents do today, which is to ground their child. Grounding can be appropriate at times, but grounding is more of a convenience to parents than anything — at least they know where their teenager is! If you resort to grounding, then couple it with something memorable and decidedly boring for your teen, like several hours of physical yard work with no iPod, no cell phone and no friends hanging around to entertain them.

Don’t Waffle on the Consequences

A parent is his own worst enemy when he waffles or makes idle threats in regard to consequences. It takes effort to properly discipline children, and that’s why it is easier for parents to warn, warn again, and then resort to yelling angry warnings instead of simply applying consequences. Warnings serve to tell kids that they have multiple opportunities to avoid consequences, and they quickly learn just how far they can exasperate their parent before the parent takes action. So, the house ends up in a constant state of chaos and everyone feels lousy.

If you waffle or don’t follow through, it’s an empty threat that will teach your teen that you don’t mean what you say, and he is not responsible managing the problems he creates. On the other hand, when your teen realizes that he’ll be held responsible for his actions and every part of his life, then your life will improve, and so will his.

So, what happens if your teenager holds out longer than expected? In other words, he keeps making the same mistakes in spite of the consequences. My advice is to hang in there. Rather than changing the game plan, continue to apply consequences, even if there seems to be no positive effect. Eventually they will take hold, but only if you don’t waver. If you stop or lighten the consequences, you’ll be giving your teenager exactly what he is holding out for. You’ll lose all credibility and it will undermine your ability to correct them at all in the future

Tomorrow Part 4 of 4. For more information about Mark Gregston go to www.markgregston.com)

Super Hero or Not? (Part 2)

Why Kids Need Consequences

It’s no mystery. Teenagers behave irresponsibly when they’ve not had to be responsible for their behavior. They do not magically become more responsible, mature, or wise as they get older. They learn experientially, and they get wiser by living. They learn by being given responsibility and by facing uncomfortable consequences for failing in that responsibility or making bad decisions. If they put their hand in a flame, they need to learn they’ll get burned. Even if you tell them they’ll be burned, at some point they’ll test out your theory. And if they don’t feel the sting of the fire when they do test it, they’ll likely do it again and again, just to show you that you’re wrong!

So, what does Scripture say about consequences? In Proverbs it says, “The Lord disciplines those He loves” (Proverbs 3:12a) and “Discipline your son, and he will give you peace”( Proverbs 29:17). Discipline is a principle found throughout the Old and New Testaments. So, there is nothing more loving, biblical and godly than to give proper discipline to your children.

Consequences can be the natural result of foolish actions, such as breaking a leg from jumping off a roof, or they can be what employers, parents or authorities use to bring about a positive change in behavior. For parents, the goal of consequences is not punishment; it is to help your teenager grow up. In adult life, we deal with consequences every day, and if we’re smart we avoid them, but teenagers still need to learn that wisdom, even though they are capable of being adults intellectually and biologically.

This is part two of a series I am reposting from Mark Gregston (Parenting Today's Teens).

Super Hero or Not?

The following is an excellent blog from Mark Gregston. During the next four days I will post his blog in its entirety.

None of us can see our own errors; deliver me, LORD, from (my) hidden faults! -¬ Psalms 19:12

Being a super hero works out pretty well in the movies or comic books, but when it comes to parenting, rescuing your teenager every time can lead to problems. It can spoil their ability to see the world as it truly is, and it can cause uncaring, self-centered and entitled thinking in your teenager now and throughout their lifetime.

Parents are wired to protect their children. It’s natural and it is needed in the early childhood years, but some parents continue protecting their offspring far longer than they should. Beginning in the teen years, kids need to begin feeling the impact of their own actions and to be given more responsibility for their own survival.

Counter to what some people might think, I find that the most irresponsible teens come from the most responsible parents. I call them “Super Parents.” They are so fixated on fixing problems that they fix all of their teenager’s mistakes as well. They don their cape and fly off to badger a teacher who has given their teenager a bad grade. They run faster than a steaming locomotive and bend steel bars to get their errant teen out of jail. And in everyday terms; they pick up their teen’s room, manage his money, pay his speeding tickets, wash his cloths and rush him to school when he oversleeps in the morning.

When it comes to parenting in the teen years, another name for a “Super Parent” is an “enabler.” They enable a teen to go right on breaking the rules and stomping all over everyone – and each time the teen is rescued it is from something a little more serious.

If you are an enabler, I’d like you to consider a different approach, for everyone’s sake. Life doesn’t have to revolve around chasing after your teen’s problems – even if you like being the super hero! Believe me; the problems will only get worse, not better, with every rescue. You’re not doing your teenager any favors. In fact, you’ll likely end up with exactly the opposite of what you are hoping for – a childish adult who remains dependent on you and cannot manage his finances, his relationships, nor his life.

The only way out of this spin cycle is to bring it to an end. How? By having a good talk with your teenager to tell them you will no longer be intervening on their behalf. Then hand your teen’s problems right back to them. They won’t believe it at first. They’ll think you’ll still rescue them, but don’t do it! They need to feel the bite of making their own mistakes, and they need to know you won’t come running (or leaping tall buildings) to rescue them. I’m not talking about “not being there” for your teen, or ignoring them and “throwing them to the wolves.” I’m talking about rescuing them from opportunities they encounter in life that will help them develop responsibility, make better choices, and mature.

Until the pain of consequences of behavior is greater than the pleasure a teen gets from that particular behavior, their actions won’t stop.

Love covers all things - It's a Full Spectrum!

Love is Sincere.

“This is the great unworldliness,” Drummond says. “Love thinks no evil, imputes no motive, sees the bright side, puts the best construction on every action. What a delightful state of mind to live in. What a stimulus and benediction even to meet with it for a day! To be trusted is to be saved. And if we try to influence or elevate others, we shall soon see that success is in proportion to their belief of our belief in them.”

In my opinion, love thinks the best . . . It thinks the best of your friends, your spouse, your children, your family. You may have heard the quote, “We judge others by their actions, but we judge ourselves by our motive or intent.” Judge others by their best intentions - - give the benefit of the doubt in their decisions or your perceived motives. You never lose when you think the best.

“Love rejoiceth not in iniquity but rejoiceth in truth. I have called this Sincerity. The charity which delights not in exposing the weakness of others, but “covers all things.” (Drummond)

Jesus is our example – He covered all things. He covered all my “things” – all shortcomings, all sin, all wrong motives. He covered all.

Rejoice this weekend . . . Jesus loved. He covered all things on the cross. And then He arose! He got up, and He made us His example. Be a good one, too.

Love well.

Love is Good Temper – Part Two.

Or rephrased: Love is NOT Bad Temper. It does not need to show itself as the "red hot" of the love color spectrum.

In his book “The Greatest Thing in the World” Henry Drummond discusses the effects of the temper of the elder brother on the Prodigal Son (and his Father). Drummond asks the question: How many prodigals never come homes because of the unlovely characters inside the house.

What is temper made of: Jealousy, anger, pride, uncharity, cruelty, self-righteousness, touchiness, doggedness, sullenness – these are the ingredients of this dark and loveless soul.

A dictionary definition of temper: habit of mind, especially with respect the irritability or patience, outbursts of anger, or the like. Heat of mind or passion, shown in outbursts of anger, resentment, etc.

“You will see then why Temper is significant. It is not in what it is alone, but in what it reveals. This is why I take the liberty now of speaking of it with such unusual plainness. It is a test for love, a symptom, a revelation of an unloving nature at bottom. It is the intermittent fever which bespeaks unintermittent disease within; the occasional bubble escaping to the surface which betrays some rottenness underneath; a sample of the most hidden product of the soul dropped involuntarily when off one’s guard; in a word, the lightning form of a hundred hideous and un-Christian sins.” (H. Drummond)

The temper of a person will set the temperature of a household. It sets the tone. The experience or the memories of and with this temper will determine whether people want to get close, whether they want to come in … or come home.

In our house, we are not “touchy” --- and we remind each of other of that whenever it’s appropriate. Allowing yourself to be touchy, will open the door to other selfish thoughts.

I am not touchy and I don’t ever want to be a hindrance to anyone coming home . . . Home for any reason. How about you?

Love is Good Temper

Love is Good Temper.

“Love is not easily provoked. We are inclined to look at bad temper as a very harmless weakness. We speak of it as a mere infirmity of nature, a family failure, a matter of temperament, not a thing to take into very serious account in estimating a man’s character. And yet here, right in the heart of this analysis of love, it finds a place; and the Bible again and again returns to condemn it as one of the most destructive elements in human nature.” (Henry Drummond)

These words give new insight into the deadly ripple effects of a bad temper. Henry has described this characteristic so plainly and with such naked exposure, that it reveals in blatant form that “the wages of sin is death.” Bad temper will kill relationships, trust, peace, even the future for those around it. This is no light thing. A bad temper is destructive in every example of itself.

Drummond paints this description further: “You know men who are all but perfect, and women who would be entirely perfect, but for an easily ruffled, quick-tempered, or “touchy” disposition. No form of vice, not worldliness, not greed of gold, not drunkenness itself, does more to un-Christianize society than evil temper. For embittering life, for breaking up communities, for destroying the most sacred relationships, for devastating homes, for withering up men and women, for taking the bloom off childhood; in short, for sheer gratuitous misery-producing power, this influence stands alone.”

Take a moment – analyze yourself. Do you have a good temper – all the time? Even in the provoking moments, how do you control yourself? Practice your answer.

Tomorrow --- more on the effects of our Temper. This one characteristic can hinder or prevent those closest to you from coming into the Kingdom – or even coming home!

Love is . . . Courtesy -- A very nice colour!

Love is Courtesy.

This is Love in society, Love in relation to etiquette. “Love doth not behave itself unseemly.” Politeness has been defined as love in trifles. Courtesy is said to be love in little things. (Drummond)

Love in society – Please and Thank you (the “magic” words). Love is polite and considers the others around me. It opens doors for others. Love never eats the last cookie or piece of cake. Love puts the toilet seat down and love excuses itself after burbs and belches and . . . well, you know.


Love is Unselfishness.

“Love seeketh not her own.” It is not hard to give up our rights. They are often external. The difficult thing is to give up ourselves. (Henry Drummond)

Courtesy and Unselfishness – closely related. These go hand in hand.

More of the Love Spectrum - Generosity and Humility

Love is Generosity.

Love envieth not. (It is not jealous). Envy is a feeling of ill-will to those who are in the same line as ourselves, a spirit of covetousness and detraction. (Henry Drummond)

It’s interesting to me that rather than say love is not jealous, Henry Drummond instead focused on what love is – generosity. We have all heard that giving will cover a multitude of selfishness sins --- and yes, envy and jealousy would be the top two perhaps. Getting to the place where you are giving – to get outside of your own feelings, will turn a situation around. It takes the focus off of me, and puts it on you. That’s love.


Love is Humility.

And then, after having learned all that, you have to learn this further thing, Humility – to put a seal upon your lips and forget what you have done. After you have been kind, after Love has stolen forth into the world and done its beautiful work, go back into the shade again and say nothing about it. Love hides even from itself. Love waives even self satisfaction.

Wow – Love waives even self satisfaction. That’s a sentence to meditate.

Love is patience

Love is patience.

“Love is patience. This is the normal attitude of love. Love passive, Love waiting to begin; not in a hurry; calm; ready to do its work when the summons comes but in the meantime wearing the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit. Love understands, and therefore waits.” (Henry Drummond)

Henry Drummond says this perfectly. Love waits. Love doesn’t push. Love doesn’t expect its own way. It prefers others. It gives the right of way. It allows someone with only a few items to get in line ahead of you. Love smiles in those lines. Love gives room for growth – and the time to do it.


Another colour of the love spectrum:

Love is Kindness.

Love active. Have you noticed how much of Christ’s life was spent in doing kind things – in merely doing kind things? You will find that Jesus spent a great proportion of His time simply in making people happy, in doing good turns to others. There is only one thing greater than happiness in the world and that is holiness; and it is not in our keeping; but what God has put in our power is the happiness of those about us, and that is largely to be secured by our being kind to them. (Henry Drummond)

“The greatest thing,” says one man, “a man can for His Heavenly Father is to be kind to some of His other children.”

The Greatest Thing in the World. Love.

The Greatest Thing in the World. Love.

Henry Drummond lived over 100 years ago (1851-1897) and has written one (of many) of the most influential books I have read. This man knew how to communicate who God is. Specifically – he understood Love.

“It is a compound thing. It’s like light. As you have seen a man of science take a beam of light and pass it through a crystal prism, as you have seen it come out on the other side of the prism broken up into its component colours – red, and blue, and yellow, and violet, and orange, and all the colours of the rainbow – so Paul (in 1 Cor 13) passes this thing, Love, through the magnificent prism of his inspired intellect, and it comes out on the other side broken up into its elements. And in these few words we have what one might call the Spectrum of Love, the analysis of Love. Will you observe what its elements are? Will you notice that they have common names; that they are virtues which we hear about every day; that they are things which can be practiced by every man in every place in life.”

Henry says the Spectrum of Love has nine ingredients:

Patience – “Love suffereth long.”
Kindness – “And is kind.”
Generosity – “Love envieth not”
Humility – “Love vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up.”
Courtesy – “Doth not behave itself unseemly.”
Unselfishness – “Seeketh not her own.”
Good Temper – “Is not easily provoked.”
Guilelessness – “Thinketh no evil.”
Sincerity – “Rejoiceth not in inquity, but rejoiceth in truth.”

“These make up the supreme gift, the stature of the perfect man.”

Stay with me over the next several days --- We’ll look at these one ingredient at a time.

I’m going to make it my best recipe this week.

God's Take on Lawns

Do we think this is what God intended?

Imagine the conversation The Creator might have with St. Francis on the subject of lawns:

God: Frank, you know all about gardens and nature. What in the world is going on down there in the Midwest? What happened to the dandelions, violets, thistle and stuff I started eons ago? I had a perfect, no-maintenance garden plan. Those plants grow in any type of soil, withstand drought and multiply with abandon. The nectar from the long-lasting blossoms attracts butterflies, honey bees and flocks of songbirds. I expected to see a vast garden of colors by now. But all I see are these green rectangles.

St. Francis: It’s the tribes that settled there, Lord. The Suburbanites. They started calling your flowers “weeds” and went to great lengths to kill them and replace them with grass.

God: Grass? But it’s so boring! It’s not colorful. It doesn’t attract butterflies, birds and bees, only grubs and sod worms. It’s temperamental with temperatures. Do these Suburbanites really want all that grass growing there?

St. Francis: Apparently so, Lord. They go to great pains to grow it and keep it green. They begin each spring by fertilizing grass and poisoning any other plant that crops up in the lawn.

God: The spring rains and warm weather probably make grass grow really fast. That must make the Suburbanites happy.

St. Francis: Apparently not, Lord. As soon as it grows a little, they cut it – sometimes twice a week.

God: They cut it? Do they then bale it like hay?

St. Francis: Not exactly, Lord. Most of them rake it up and put it in bags.

God: They bag it? Why? Is it a cash crop? Do they sell it?

St. Francis: No, Sir. Just the opposite. They pay to throw it away.

God: Now, let me get this straight. They fertilize grass so it will grow. And when it does grow, they cut it off and pay to throw it away?

St. Francis: Yes, Sir.

God: These Suburbanites must be relieved in the summer when we cut back on the rain and turn up the heat. That surely slows the growth and saves them a lot of work.

St. Francis: You aren’t going to believe this, Lord. When the grass stops growing so fast, they drag out hoses and pay more money to water is so they can continue to mow it and pay to get rid of it.

God: What nonsense! At least they kept some of the trees. That was a sheer stroke of genius, if I do say so myself. The trees grow leaves in the spring to provide beauty and shade in the summer. In the autumn they fall to the ground and form a natural blanket to keep moisture in the soil and protect the trees and bushes. Plus, as they rot, the leaves form compost to enhance the soil. It’s a natural circle of life.

St. Francis: You better sit down, Lord. The Suburbanites have drawn a new circle. As soon as the leaves fall, they rake them into great piles and have them hauled away.

God: No! What do they do to protect the shrub and tree roots in the winter and keep the soil moist and loose?

St. Francis: After throwing away your leaves, they go out and buys something they call mulch. They haul it home and spread it around in place of the leaves.

God: And where do they get this mulch?

St. Francis: They cut down trees and grind them up.

God: Enough! I don’t want to think about this anymore. St. Catherine, you’re in charge of the arts. What movie have you scheduled for us tonight?

St. Catherine: Dumb and Dumber, Lord. It’s a real stupid move about . . .

God: Never mind, I think I just heard the whole story.

(Taken from a Michael's Garden Center Newsletter several years ago)

The Parenting Thrill Ride

While in Nashville a couple of weeks ago at the NRB Convention, I had the privilege of meeting Mark Gregston, author, blogger, and he also has a radio show that gives practical advice for parents, teachers, youth pastors of teens.

This is a repost in its entirety from a recent blog from Mark.

Parenting is rarely like a pleasant but slightly boring turn on a carousel. It’s usually more like a heart-stopping and unpredictable roller-coaster ride. In both experiences, the destination is never in question. But the roller coaster has more ups, downs and moments of terror.

As soon as you think you have it all together as a parent and feel as if you’ve reached a high point, you’re suddenly slammed into yet another dip, another turn, another uphill climb. One second you’re right side up, and the next second you’re hanging on for dear life and maybe even screaming at the top of your lungs.

But oh, how much more exciting is the roller-coaster ride! And how much more challenging! How much more thrilling, even with (or perhaps because of) the butterflies in your stomach, the fear, and the uncertainty of what’s around the next turn! On roller coasters, I’ve screamed out God’s name like a little girl. I’ve done the same in the twists and turns of parenting.

Prayer brings hope to my hopelessness and calms my anxiety when I need a reminder that I am not alone. Prayer reassures me that my confusion does not deter His plan.

Calling out His name affirms His presence, His power, and His purpose in my life. Regardless of how I pray— screaming from the roller coaster or in the quietness of my soul—I am reminded that just as there was a beginning, so there will be an end. Prayer brings hope to my hopelessness and calms my anxiety when I need a reminder that I am not alone.

Prayer reassures me that my confusion does not deter His plan. It calls me to look for the bigger picture, to embrace a larger view of whatever is happening, and to search deeper for meaning in the struggles and for purpose in the pleasures. Prayer reminds me that this parenting roller coaster is a ride like none other and that it draws on every attribute and ounce of strength I have to survive the ups and downs of the adolescent years and reach the end with relationships intact and training complete.

Prayer reminds me that the thrill of the parenting roller coaster is worth the discomfort; so I’m willing to crawl back into that seat and get locked in for another ride. Prayer changes things—including me. It has a wondrous way of changing situations. It forces me to remain focused on what’s important, and it helps me consider my teen from God’s perspective. Prayer aligns my heart with His and connects my heart with His so that my plans for my teen fall in line with His.
Today’s world sometimes seems to work against us. It’s a tough time to be raising teens. In this confusing culture, all the parents I know need as much help as they can get.

Help for both the parent and teenager can be found through the daily application of prayer. Through prayer, you’ll real¬ize that parenting teens isn’t so bad, even if it is full of ups and downs, twists and turns, climbs and free falls, fear and relief. After all, parenting wouldn’t be such a thrill ride any other way, would it?
Mark Gregston

#34 – 180 to 50

#34 - Plan a trip to New York with former college roommate – celebrating turning 50 together. DONE!

If you have followed my journey to 50, I have been giving glimpses of my list of 50 things I created during the 180 days before my 50th birthday. I didn’t accomplish all of them in time, but many have earned the spot on the next list of dreams and goals I have set for myself. The journey continues.

But this one – a trip to New York City with two beautiful ladies from my college days is one of my favorite items on my list. We have begun planning this trip – airline tickets purchased, Broadway musical tickets ready, and hotel reservations in place. We are going in August, and this reunion has us all so excited.

You see, I haven’t seen these women in almost . . . oh my goodness . . . has it been 20 years? Not in person anyway. We keep in touch via Facebook --- and pictures and messages. And yet, we grew up together as college girls --- finding our way through new friendships, meeting the men we would marry, and creating a life time of memories (Euchre, anyone?)

One of these precious friends showed me Jesus. I watched her life, the relationships with her family, and the love she had for God . For the first time, I knew that Jesus was real – every day. I am grateful that Jesus has continued to be real – every day.

And so . . . our adventure begins. I am looking forward to catching up on life with these two. We have a lot to talk about! And perhaps the next trip to plan too!

No place like home

Sunday afternoons. Sigh.

Today’s Sunday in Texas is rainy, cool, damp. Perfect for staying inside after church. We have a fire going – probably the last one of the season. A football game kind of day – but it’s March. So, we make a delicious hot beverage (French press decaf coffee today), and we write or we read or we do one of those plus laundry.

I like days like this before Spring --- the yard and flower beds cannot call my attention to them yet, making me feel guilty for not doing work outside. Can’t go for a walk – not really. Not today.

I am thankful for a warm, friendly, peaceful place called Home. The place to regroup, gear up for the week, set some Monday goals. And Tuesday goals. Prepare for a trip to Tulsa Thursday for a Senior Recital for an important soon-to-be graduate. Another trip Saturday to Michigan to see parents we haven’t seen in a while. A big 21st birthday to celebrate that day too. Soon there will be packing to do, and details to finalize . . .

But for right now. Peace. Ease. Familiarity. Home.

A very very good place.

Look at me when I’m talking to you!

As parents of small children, it seemed impossible to imagine what our 2 year old will look like, how he will act when he’s 18, what his personality will be. Instead, we enjoy every moment and just watch and experience every day . . . one at a time.

And soon enough, our toddlers are teenagers – wonderful teenagers. I have enjoyed every single day of every age of our children. And God is faithful to give wisdom for every age, every phase, every new aspect of young life.

Teenagers provide provoking conversations. They ask questions of their parents about life goals, dreams (you still have some, right mom and dad?) and the future. This all takes listening. Lots of listening. In the listening, make sure you stop long enough to also look them in the eyes. Your teens completely understand the depth of communication that can come with eye contact.

The following is from Mark Gregston’s blog (Heartlight Ministries). It’s a good reminder for all of us.

There is a vital link between the amount of time you spend listening to your teenager and their willingness to listen to you in return.

A friend told me this story. He said, “My son was upset about something and wanted to talk about it at that very moment. But he caught me in the middle of something. So I only half listened, and made no eye contact. When I was finished, I went back to talk to him … but he only half listened, and wouldn’t make eye contact. I asked why and he said ‘Why should I do that for you, when you didn’t for me.’”

The dad apologized and learned to listen to be a better listener, thereby assuring that his teen would do the same.

Look at them when they talk to you. Look at them when you are talking to them. This will make a difference. A huge difference in how the conversation goes. Every time. The eyes are the windows of the soul. Really. You’ll see more than words.

When Teenagers begin to show maturity . . .

The number one goal of a parent is to raise their children to become loving, confident, self-sufficient, sensible adults who love God, love and take care of their families, and contribute to community.

This is a quick 6 item list to help along the way from Mark Gregston of Heartlight Ministries – He gives good insight for parents.

So, what’s a parent to do when their child reaches the teen years and begins to show maturity?
Here’s what I recommend:
1) Loosen the reins, but remain watchful.
2) Continue to have a presence in their life; not one that dominates or hovers, but one that guides and limits when necessary, and sets them free to soar when appropriate.
3) Keep connected with the tools of their trade, like text messaging, cell phones, and social networking.
4) Invite their friends into your home, so you can get to know them.
5) Find some fun things you enjoy doing together.
6) And above all else, be sure to meet with them individually once a week, mostly just to listen to what’s on their heart.
________________________________________
©2009 Mark Gregston Heartlight Ministries

Kissing is Good For You!

Kissing is Good For You! But you probably already knew that.

This is for you husbands and wives! In honor of Valentine’s Day, the Yahoo home page had links to several articles about romance and I liked this one especially. Kissing is good for you . . . and here is a summary of the five reasons why.

1.) Kissing boosts immunity.
2.) Kissing helps you pick the best mate (I might add reminds you why they are)
3.) Kissing burns calories!
4.) Kissing keeps facial muscles strong.
5.) Kissing naturally relaxes you.

I have a philosophy – which I have written about before – but here it is:

A 30 second kiss EVERY DAY will enhance and improve the state of your marriage. Now I am a firm believer that some days should involve kisses that last longer than 30 seconds, but I am talking about a daily habit for married couples.

This kiss will force each of you to focus completely on the other for this half a minute. A quick peck or any form of duty kiss will not cause a change of focus on your spouse. It’s still a good thing to do, but a 30-second kiss says something different.

A serious kiss can say several things. “I love you.” “I love what this could lead to later.” Or it simply says, “No matter what else has happened today, coming home to you, seeing you again, gives me great joy and comfort.”

A serious kiss says: I choose you!

pocket

I’d like to make you
Small enough
To carry around
In my pocket.
Then we could be together
All the time.
And you could tumble
And stretch
Between my thumb
And forefinger,
And tickle my palm
When I start making
Self-important faces
At the world.

My son gave me a book of poetry by Dick Summer for my birthday. This is one of my favorites from the collection "lovin touch III."

Enjoy.

Today is my birthday

Today is my birthday.

It is. But this isn't about that!

Rather: Authentic. A great word.

I think being authentic means you understand yourself well enough to discover through your life story, experiences and what you believe, to live life fully and with the ability to give to others. It’s genuine. Real. Transparent.

To be authentic requires some quiet time. Okay, it requires a lot of quiet time – regularly. Often. One of my favorite verses of Scripture is Philippians 2:13. “For God is working in you, giving you the desire and the power to do what pleases Him.”

Psalm 37:4 says “Take delight in the Lord, and He will give you your heart’s desires.”

They are the same. The desires of my heart come from God --- who works them in me so that I can have power to do them!

Today really is my birthday. My plan for this important 50th year is to be authentic and to encourage others to be the same – to rejoice in who they are and pursue it with all that’s within them. It’s God’s desire.

Authentic. Are you? What are you born to do? What are you suppose to do now? What’s next? Do you know?

Locate yourself. True North, remember? The One who created you did it on purpose! Get quiet. Write some goals. It’s the first step to getting there.

Another one of my “180” goals – getting a facial. Some time at the spa helps me be an authentic woman. Reminds me that taking care of myself is vital to accomplish the other things on my list --- the items for me . . . but better than that -- being strong for others entrusted to me. Others.

Getting Back to True North

Every once in a while I need to locate myself – Find my True North. Everyone has one – a True North, that is.

“True North is the internal compass that guides you successfully through life. It represents who you are as a human being at your deepest level. It is your orienting point – your fixed point in a spinning world – that you stay on track . . . Your True North is based on what is most important to you, your most cherished values, your passions and motivations, the sources of satisfaction in your life.” (This excellent definition is from True North by Bill George)

When you follow your internal compass, you will be authentic.

While I was forming my 50 goals for my “180 to 50” project, I was looking for those things that made me --- well, me. I suppose. It was a time to reflect, dream, get practical, get not-so-practical . . . and write it down, make it real. Find True North for me and head that way.

So some of my goals included things like: #13 – Read a Novel. #15 – Read another novel. I want to read as many Pulitzer Prize winning authors as possible in the next 40 years.

Since I was in elementary school, I have been an avid reader, and then a writer. I wrote letters, long letters to family far way, short stories, journals, etc. The ability to create vivid pictures with words is one of my greatest aspirations. I was editor of my high school newspaper. I loved words. I received my Bachelors in Journalism from Central Michigan University (CMU), and continue to be a student of written words. I enjoy excellent authors. They are gifts to us. True North for me? Reading.

Authentic --- there’s a word. It deserves some attention. Next time.

Counting down . . . .

Six months ago I started a project. The title of it came to me immediately. “180 to 50.” That day, August 10th I was exactly 6 months away from a significant birthday. A milestone birthday --- a jubilee birthday!

My decision: How will I approach it? With dread, woe and apprehension? NO!!!! With anticipation, joy, hope? I wanted that to be my response. I had to decide the “how” to do that and what it looked like.

So my journey began. It took me a few days, but I identified 50 goals for myself before I turned 50. This exercise was harder than I thought it would be --- Surely, it would be a no brainer to set 50 goals. But it wasn’t so easy because I wanted them to be important and really worth pursuing . . . not impossible butreal and satisfying.

Habakkuk 2:2 says ‘Write the vision and make it plain so that when you see it you can run with it.’

Writing down goals puts them in front of you. . . our humanness then will pursue the completion of them. It’s a natural progression. It’s how we are made.

Jim Collins is famous in my world for this great “word” – BHAG! (Pronounced “Be hag”) Big, Hairy, Audacious Goal. Do you have some? You should! Everybody should.

I will share some of my “180 to 50 goals” in blogs to come. Some may seem little … like “read a novel.” But for me, personally, that one has significance. I’ll explain that one day.

I am celebrating my life in some small or big way every day in February . . . “The Lord delights in us.” I am going to be delighted too.

Last One Up Makes the Bed

We have a good marriage. We live by some simple rules.

Some are standard:

Don’t go to bed angry. Don’t go to bed without minimum of three kisses. (and the kisses are better if you don’t put night time lip balm on first).

I do the laundry. He takes care of house maintenance items like HVAC filters, smoke detectors, anything that goes “bump” or leaks or shorts out or produces smoke, smells or scratches in the walls. Fortunately, those have been limited over our 27 years.

I don’t mind the routine things like grocery lists and laundry folding. I love it that the unexpected things usually don’t belong to me --- like the snake on the back porch or the gecko in the kitchen, or the dryer isn’t heating, or that sink is stopped up. He’s handy.

He takes care of the emergencies. He operates better with items that aren’t the norm. He’s creative. He kinda lives that way. Sometimes it’s messier than me, sometimes it’s unpredictable. Sometimes it’s not how I would do it. But it’s much more fun.

But it’s still odd to me that when he makes the bed, the pillows line up symmetrically. I like them messy.

I squeeze the toothpaste in the middle -- He "fixes" the tube back and flattens out the bottom.

That's what marriage is --- appreciating the differences, minimizing any annoyances, compromise at whatever level is needed for peace.

Keep the small stuff small. Love is patient, kind. It's easy going and it gives room for being human. I am so glad he gives me room to be extremely human.

Last one out of the bed, makes the bed.

First one out of bed usually makes the coffee.

I got these for you!

Today I received a huge gift . . .

I started that sentence four days ago and have not been able to finish the thought because the magnitude of it continues to run through my thinking --- every day now for the past 4 days the memory of my feelings when I saw it.

You see, I know this person and a little bit about their life. Kind, somewhat quiet, devoted parent, single, faithful employee, loves God.

I am humbled by the magnitude of the giving heart connected with the significant value of this gift. I am embarrassed that I have not yet written the thank you note, but I think it’s because I am touched beyond words and don’t know if I my gratitude can be expressed adequately enough. (Not a reason, by the way, to not say thank you). I am humbled.

The best way to respond? Receive it and be grateful. Next best thing to do? Give. Give to someone else. Look for the exact place. Be aware of those around me and be there to make a difference.

Trust. It is a big deal.

“Hope is a well founded and confident belief that a specific vision (goal, desire or promise) will be achieved or fulfilled within a specific amount of time.”

This quote is from the book by Steven K. Scott I mentioned in my last post. The Richest Man Who Ever Lived is about King Solomon, author of the book of Proverbs – practical life wisdom at its finest. Yes, Proverbs is just that good.

Again,hope is a confident belief that a specific goal or promise will be fulfilled within a specific amount of time.

So basically, when you make a commitment, a promise or even a statement that you will do something, and give a time frame for it, your family and your friends will take you at your word. That’s what we call trust. You say something. You do it. You make a promise. You fulfill it. You say you are going to be somewhere. You show up. You say you love him. You go to the game. You say you love her. You go to her ballet recital. You say you appreciate her. Get home to dinner on time. You make a promise. You fulfill it. Trust. Repeat. Repeat.

But here’s the other side of that coin. Promises broken. Commitments not kept. Disappointment. Trust broken. Hearts hurt.

Proverbs 13:12: “Hope deferred makes the heart sick. . . “

When hope is put off, you lose your emotional energy and momentum. You know the feeling. We have all experienced it in one form or another. When we build hope for others and then don’t come through, we then defer others’ hopes. They lose their emotional energy and motivation. They lose their trust in us.

It’s no small thing.

I am a parent of two (now adult) children who at one point each received the car keys for a solo ride. I think this is one of the biggest trust experiences for parents and kids. Yeah, one of the biggest. So we lay out the rules. The kids say “Got it.” “Don’t you trust me?” “I promise I won’t talk on the phone or text while driving. I will be home on time and I will let you know when I get to where I am going.” Hope is instilled. Trust is at the door.

Then the phone call doesn’t come when they arrive at their destination. First response? It comes from the heart. You could call it a “sick” feeling … that hope deferred. Parents know what I am talking about. Some worry tries to creep in, disappointment. The good news --- nothing is wrong. They just forgot. Well, you can give your kids another chance. (You must if they are ever going to learn this life skill called driving). And they will straighten up and remember next time… because they want your trust. It’s a big deal.

Fulfilling promises is a big deal.

Proverbs 13:12 says “But desire fulfilled is a tree of life.” Desire fulfilled, promises kept, your word being true is a source of life. It feeds your relationships. It gives vision to your children of what integrity looks like. It grows your own character. It makes you a vessel that God can use. It makes you a vessel your family can believe in. It gives you motivation that your own words are true.

Expectations

We all have them. It’s what gets us going in the morning . . . most of the time. Some days the only thing that gets us going is obligation. But those are the hard mornings.

I’m talking about most days . . . when the anticipation of the first sip of coffee is a happy thing all by itself. Mornings. I really love casual, easy, slow mornings. Coffee, Bible, other books (I read several at a time . . . all over the house), newspaper, birds chattering, coffee, quiet. Saturdays are the best.

Some weeks just the expectation and hope of Saturdays can help us get to them. We know expectation well. We understand hope. We embrace it.

FROM THE DICTIONARY: EXPECT, ANTICIPATE, HOPE, AWAIT all imply looking to some future event. EXPECT implies confidently believing, usually for good reasons that an event will occur. ANTICIPATE is to look forward to an event and even to picture it. HOPE implies a wish that an event may take place and an expectation that it will. AWAIT (WAIT FOR) implies being alert and ready.

Yesterday I heard this quote: “Hope is the last thing that dies.”

I have been thinking about that for the last 24 hours. It’s because of hope we make New Year resolutions (which are often the same as the year before and the year before that). It’s because of hope we dream about our future. It’s hope that causes us to invest in retirement accounts. Hope is the reason we have children. It's why we buy calendars and planners. Hope is the reason we get puppies. And what causes us to keep our resume updated. Hope is why we have height charts in our kids’ rooms. Hope is why we buy green bananas and plant tulip bulbs in the fall. Hope is why we give to the cause of Haiti’s rebirth. Hope keeps us going.

Hope – Mankind’s Perpetual Fuel. Hope can be defined as a well founded and confident belief that a specific vision (goal, desire, or promise) will be achieved or fulfilled within a specified amount of time.” This quote is from a great book The Richest Man Who Ever Lived by Steven Scott. (I highly recommend it).

Hope – a well founded and confident belief that a specific vision (goal, desire, or promise) will be achieved or fulfilled within a specified amount of time.

As you review your goals (again) and (still), each step completed gives you more hope that you will achieve that goal. Each step. One at a time. Hour by hour. Day by day. Week after week. Hope is the emotional and mental power to go to the next step. Hope produces progress.

That’s what it takes . . . it’s man’s fuel – his emotional fuel, his mental fuel . . . It’s real. It speaks. It keeps us moving. It’s from God. It’s good stuff!

Romans 15:13: “God, the source of hope, will fill you completely with joy and peace because you trust in Him.” And trusting Him, will cause you to overflow with confident hope.

Overflowing confident hope. God gives freely to those who ask. He is not a withholder. He’s a giver. Every time. Now that will help us get some things done!

When I grow up . . . I want to be just like you

In recent weeks I have heard these words . . . and the humbling thing . . . the most humbling thing about this is that it was addressed to me personally.

It’s easy to brush it off. Act as if it doesn’t matter much. I could have heard it as an off-handed comment without much substance. But, instead, I received it as an assignment.

I have an assignment. You have an assignment. Someone should want to be just like me. Often I think it could be my daughter. After all, I’m a girl; she’s a girl. I like shoes; she likes shoes. I laugh easily; she also has a great sense of humor. Maybe there are characteristics that will become part of who my son is becoming. I like to read and be challenged and amazed by the complexity of words well written; so does he. I think I am a kind person; he is very kind, respectful young man.

But more than these two precious lives, I want to be an example to others beyond my immediate family. How do I do that?

Two words: On Purpose.

Purpose Defined: Something set up as an object or end to be attained. Intention. Resolution. Determination. A subject under discussion or an action in course of execution.

On Purpose: By intent: intentionally.

On Purpose – with firm conviction and intention I must decide that this is important and a primary objective for myself.

We know that January is a time, historically, for making resolutions. It’s a time that most people review, reflect and make a concentrated effort to identify the things in their lives they should change, improve upon, or add to their lives.

That’s what I am doing. For me, I want to do things on purpose. I want to use my time on purpose – for teaching, training, guiding, helping. I want to use my time wisely – in the serious things, and in the fun things. I want to use my time to play well. Rest well. Take care of myself well.

I want to use my time, on purpose, to be transparent to others, so that I am approachable, easy to talk to, open to ideas.

On purpose, I want to be a woman, known to love the Lord, love her family, her friends, her church, and along the way, like who I am as I do it.

How about you? Are you satisfied with yourself? Do you like you? Would you want to grow up to be like you?

It’s still January . . . a perfect time to review, reflect and make a new plan. Resolve. Do it on purpose.

Somebody’s watching.