Say this: I am not a dripping faucet!

“A nagging wife annoys like a constant dripping.” (Proverbs 19:13) This could be a dripping faucet, a leaky roof drip, a runny nose drip, a Chinese water torture drip . . . and then this next verse says, that in order to avoid the dripping of anything … “It is better to live alone in the desert, than with a crabby, complaining wife.” (Proverbs 21:29) That’s about as far away from water as you can get! Keep reading. We are given instruction to recognize this could be a problem for us girls!

As you may recall from my previous post, Paul gives gender specific instructions in Ephesians 5 to married couples. Yes – Gender Specific. And I am very, very sure this was on purpose – strong purpose. See – God knows us.

Dr. Eggerich (author of Love & Respect) says that Paul “reveals commands from the very heart of God as he tells the husband he must love (agape) his wife unconditionally and the wife must respect her husband, whether or not her husband comes across as loving.”

Read these next two paragraphs carefully. Ladies – this will hurt, but you can take it. (Well, at least it hurt my feelings.) Dr. Eggerich writes, “Note, however, that this verse gives no command to a wife to agape-love her husband. “ He said after much study, he asked why. “And then it struck me. The Lord has created a woman to love. Her whole approach to nurture, her sensitivity, love, and compassion are all part of her very nature. In short, God designed the woman to love. He’s not going to command her to agape her husband when He created her to do that in the first place.”

In Titus 2:4 older women are told to encourage women to love their husbands and children, but in this case, Paul is talking about phileo love – which refers to the human, brotherly kind of love. Dr. Eggerich points out that a young wife is created to agape her husband and children. . . . “BUT in the daily wear and tear of life, she is in danger of becoming discouraged – so discouraged that she may lack phileo love. A kind of impatient unfriendliness can come over her. She may scold and sigh way too much. After all, there is always something or someone who needs correcting.”

OUCH!

We are warned repeatedly in the book of Proverbs about this character flaw. Often. More than once or twice even.

Remember this one? “A nagging wife is as annoying as the constant drip on a rainy day. Trying to stop her complaints is like trying to stop the wind or hold something with greased hands.” (Prov. 27:15-16)

Decide now. Today. To not resemble a dripping anything! You were made to love. Love is power and it’s self control and it’s tempered and it’s lovely and it’s nice and considerate and all of 1 Corinthians 13.

Are you?

". . . and the wife must respect her husband."

This was Paul’s final instruction in Ephesians 5. Now, of course we know that Paul didn't intend for Chapter 5 of Ephesians to end that way – because he did not write his letter in chapter and verse. BUT – it’s still the end of a paragraph. The instruction earlier in the chapter help set the home life setting so that proper instruction can then be given (and received) by the children. There’s a logical progression here. It works.

What is respect? “Esteem for or a sense of the worth or excellence of a person, a personal quality or ability. The condition of being esteemed or honored. Favor or partiality. To show regard or consideration for.”

Recently I heard a successful man talk about what a man feels when he loses his job. My internal response was “Fear of not being able to pay the bills or feed his family.” But this man said, “The fear of losing the respect of his family.” I realized at that point, the depth of the value of respect men desire from the people closest to them.

It was also that statement that caused me to see how little I knew about what Paul was instructing wives to do to show honor to their husbands. The definition is different than love or submission --- there’s more to it than that. There’s a level of reverence and honor and gratefulness connected to it.

I’ve begun reading Love and Respect by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs (I highly recommend this book for all married people and soon to be so). He says, “Wives do not need a lot of coaching on being loving. It is something God built into them, and they do it naturally. However, they do need help with respect.” Men want women who believe in them.

Men want women who believe in them. One more time: Men want women who believe in them. They want us to appreciate his desire to work and achieve.

What does that mean to you, wives? How do you communicate it? This matters much to him.

I am determined to grasp and demonstrate this at a greater level in my marriage. I truly am grateful for a man I do love, honor, enjoy, and respect. Time and again he goes above and beyond to pursue ideas, dreams and avenues to help and bless our family. He’s always thinking about the future . . . our future. And in the process, makes every day a step in that direction.

Somedays it's just hard to say . . .

Some days it’s just hard to say.

It’s hard to say what the real issue is. Or what the problem seems to be. Or what’s bugging you. Could be a series of things. Unmet expectations. Disappointment in how it all turned out. Hard to say.

Somedays it’s not enough sleep. Or hormones. Or nothing at all. Just seems like crabby has come on. Some days it’s hard to say.

And so … on those “hard to say” days. Just don’t. Don’t say it. Don’t try to explain it. Don’t examine it til you get an answer. Don’t talk it out. It needs to stay Hard to Say. Too hard in fact. And so, stay quiet.

1 Corinthians 13 – we all know the Love chapter. “Love is not touchy.” For me, that sums up most of all the other adjectives for love. I am not touchy. I am not easily moved by my emotions so that they negatively affect others.

That’s my desire … my goal. Somedays it’s easier than others.

A wise man once said, “You never regret that which you do not say.”

How can I trust you hear from God . . . . .

“How can I trust that you hear from God, if you are so moved by your emotions and what other people think?”

It usually takes a little bit of time to pass in a relationship to come to this conversation. These words must be asked by every person when it comes to the life decision: Is he the one? Is she the one?

Every boy and girl needs to know, without a doubt …. Of any kind…. That the person they are committed to hears from God … more than they hear from anyone else. Anyone else!

Let me set the stage:

In May 1983, Scott and I had been married almost 6 months. We were living in South Carolina and we were miserable! We had moved there because of a job offered to Scott to work at a Christian TV station. We packed up all of our belongings in January (it all fit in a small U-Haul trailer) and headed South. Both of us being from Michigan were in for a major shock to the ways of the South Carolinians. It wasn’t such a good fit.

The reason for our misery? Thankfully, it was not because we got married! But it was because we needed to get back on track to the destiny Scott was called to when he was teenager. He’s a talented musician, song writer, called by God. We weren’t doing that. We were miserable.

One phone call. That’s all it took for him to know what was needed. Scott knew he had heard from the Lord and it meant a move to Atlanta, Georgia and going back on the road to minister with Mylon LeFevre’s band.

Enter Stage Right: The newlywed wife (6 months, remember?) I had never heard the name Mylon LeFevre and knew nothing about him, his band, his ministry. Nothing! But my husband knew that it was time to go back on the road --- yes, travel. Yes, leave wife at home.

Newlywed wife: “Was it something I said?” “You need to get away from me? But . . . But . . . But . . .”

Side note: Don’t let the “buts” get in the way of your calling!

I had married a man who heard from God. I knew that. I did not want to be the one who only heard from God when my emotions weren’t in the way! And I wanted to be married to a man who heard from God when my emotions were in the way!

And he does. These days, I believe that I do too. And now we train our children how to hear too.