Debra Allen's Kisses and Bugs: musings on life, love and ministry

We've moved!

2011-12-02T21:15:00.004-06:00

Thank you for taking time to visit my blog. I have moved to a new location and I hope you will me follow me to my new home.

http://debralallen.com

Come on over with me!

She Caught the Bouquet

2011-06-26T21:36:00.001-05:00

Tonight Nicole caught the bouquet at one of her best friends weddings. Good thing she has been reading Bride Magazine. She has a head start on some things.

The wedding was earlier today in Michigan and she sent me pictures of the bride.

I cried at how beautiful she was. Nicole asked, If you are crying now, looking at her friend Sam, what was I going go do when she gets married? ( probably next year)

I changed the subject.

Actually, I look forward to that day with as much excitement as she does. I'm sure it's a different kind of excitement, but I am going to enjoy every moment of the preparation with her. She's been dating a wonderful guy for a while, and they have a great future together.

As parents, we are enjoying every momentous occasion, every milestone in her young adult life, and we plan to celebrate every minute of this adventure called love. -- her adventure.

Today she caught the bouquet ... During this next year, we will look at hundreds of pictures of other bouquets.

One of them will be hers to toss.

Uh oh, I think I'm crying again.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

IT IS A BIG DEAL!

2011-05-02T08:41:00.003-05:00

Our daughter graduated from college this past weekend. We will continue to celebrate her excellent four-year tour at Oral Roberts University. She finished with Honors, Summa Cum Laude from the best elementary education program in the country. As you know, from following tweets or Facebook, we are very proud and so pleased for her. She worked hard. Very hard.

Nicole has exemplified these verses in Proverbs (23:22-25): “Listen to your father, who gave you life, and don’t despise your mother when she is old “ (I’m sure she won’t when I am). "Get the truth and never sell it; also get wisdom, discipline, and good judgment. The father of godly children has cause for joy. What a pleasure to have children who are wise. So give your father and mother joy! May she who gave you birth be happy!”

Every part of this graduation has been full of joy . . . probably more for her than anyone! But I can say that in this transition in her life, we have no regrets, no tears, no looking back. She is completing everything the Lord has for her . . . right on time, step after step. It is fun to watch, actually.

In some ways, we are amazed at how quickly these four years have come and zipped by. But so thankful for the depth of the experiences.

Parents, encourage your kids to keep moving toward the goal . . . to keep on learning, pushing, dreaming. This generation sees and knows things we have not been programmed to see the same way. They have answers for their generation (and some for ours too).

We are raising some smart, intuitive, discerning kids. They have been empowered to change some things. You are doing a good job if they think they can.

And they really can.

Congratulations to our son who is now a College Sophomore – and again to Nicole. She’s a great elementary school teacher – and we are all looking forward to meeting her first students!

Israel - Truly a trip of a lifetime

2011-04-02T09:36:00.001-05:00

I have been in Israel almost a week now and have not written a blog for several reasons. The first being that the pace of this tour has kept us hopping from early morning to the night. We see so many things in one day, it feels like days have passed from breakfast to dinner. The second reason, and really the biggest is that I have not really been able to put into words what I am seeing and experiencing. I think I must have my mouth hanging open in awe most of the time.

I am thrilled. Humbled. Amazed. Thankful. Smarter. Thinking.

God loves Israel. I do too.

Details will come. Stay tuned

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

"Aren't you thankful for makeup?"

2011-03-25T08:45:00.004-05:00

One morning, a day like any other, I was getting ready for work, staring intently in the mirror while I put on eye shadow, mascara, blush . . . you know those essential beauty aids we ladies have come to rely on.

My then 4-year-old came into the bathroom where I was so diligently working. He stood at the bathroom counter watching for a few minutes.

“Mom. Aren’t you thankful for makeup?”

There are some things that require no reply. But at that moment I remember thinking, “Perhaps not as thankful as you seem to be - (you sweet little stinker)."

“People judge by outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.” 1 Sam 16:7

When David was chosen to be king, as the youngest brother, he may not have looked the part in the eyes of those watching this process, but the Lord was looking for something beneath the exterior. Duly noted. That’s important to remember.

And yet. We also know that our lives, our outward appearance, countenance may be the only Gospel some people will ever “read.” Or may be the first chapter in the book of Jesus for them.

Bottom line. Yes. I am thankful for makeup. It helps me. I imagine others I meet are too, they just may not know how much.

Present the best of yourself – whenever you can.

It really may matter – to you and to them.

I love being a Girl!

2011-03-14T22:34:00.004-05:00

Spa Day.

Need I say more? A slice of heaven.

Today my daughter and I spent a few hours together celebrating her birthday at this wonderful spa near our house. It’s the ultimate in luxury and the best gift to give another woman, in my opinion. It’s a celebration of lady-ness.

It’s a reminder me that taking time out just for me is important. Needful.

You need to invest in those activities that help get you back to true north. Center. Grounded. Peaceful.

Gardening. Painting your nails. A cup of tea and a magazine. A walk and an iPod. A bath – with bubbles.

No pressure.

Find a girl friend – it’s the best girl friend thing to do. Facials and pedicures --- aaahhhh.

It’s good to be a girl. Take advantage of it . . . when you can. Every once in a while.

I’m pretty sure you deserve it.

He went west, She went east

2011-03-06T17:56:00.006-06:00

I’ve been reading Carl Sandburg for the past few days. I don’t read or study many poets, but he is definitely one of my favorites.

This poem – short as it is – has made me think and ponder much since I read it.

One Parting by Carl Sandburg

Why did he write to her,
“I can’t live without you”?
And why did she write to him,
“I can’t live without you’?
For he went west, she went east
And they both lived.

Whether with someone, or without someone, I hope you are living. Really living. You can, you know.

Can You Spot an Artist?

2011-03-01T20:05:00.009-06:00

They are everywhere. You probably have them growing up in your home right now.

I made and packed my kids’ school lunches almost every day – kindergarten through senior year in high school. (Yes, I know they were old enough to make and pack their own lunches when they turned 10 probably, but it was one more way I could “touch” them with an act of service – my love language – every day).

Anyway, I would wrap their sandwiches, or cold pizza in tinfoil on many days.

The picture of the tinfoil rose shown above was one of dozens of tinfoil creations that came home in my son’s lunchbox – when he was in elementary school. I still have this rose, sitting on my desk in my office. I suppose it's 10 or 11 years old now.

We were raising a creative – an artist. It was obvious – every day. He was a creator in every sense of the word. As a child, he made wallets out of playing cards; duck tape purses and shoes; water color paintings; oil paintings; short films with his friends, and so on and so on.

He has the soul of an artist.

My prayer is that he never yields to the resistance to stop creating.

“Art is what we call...

the thing an artist does.

It's not the medium or the oil or the price or whether it hangs on a wall or you eat it. What matters, what makes it art, is that the person who made it overcame the resistance, ignored the voice of doubt and made something worth making. Something risky. Something human.

Art is not in the eye of the beholder. It's in the soul of the artist.”

(From Seth Godin’s blog, 2/18/11, http://www.sethgodin.com/sg/)

No Way to Win? Really, Ladies?

2011-02-27T20:51:00.003-06:00

Ladies and Gentlemen … be warned -- If this is not funny to you, you may need to talk out a some things. Oh. And stop being so touchy!

(The above video was created by my friend Pastor John Voelz from Jackson, Michigan - www.johnvoelz.com)

We’ve all had those conversations that only get worse the longer they go. You know what it’s like when you just keep talking and digging a hole that seems to get deeper and deeper. You want to stop and explain, and that only makes it worse. And yet, not explaining seems irresponsible?

Sometimes, it's best to just stop talking. Call a truce. Call it being human. Call it done. Someone, just Call It!

And as crazy as this video seems -- ladies, we have all been there in some form or fashion. So, it's really up to us most of the time to stop the madness! It's okay. We're human - and nobody knows it better than the men closest to us!

And I for one, am glad they do!

(Thanks John for a great video - hope you get many views!)

When talking to teenagers, you can’t shut up too much!

2011-02-23T09:20:00.000-06:00

Many years ago, I received the best advice about raising a son from a mother whom I respect very much. Here’s what she told me:

“When your son starts to talk and communicate with words, listen to him and show interest in everything he talks about. This won’t always be easy because when boys (and really all children) are young, they want to talk about many things you won’t care about. But if you stay in the habit of listening to the things that are important to him, his interests will change as he gets older. By then, you will have developed a good habit with him and he’ll be comfortable to talk to you about anything.”

Great advice! Your son is never too old (or too young) for you to show an interest in the things important to him.

Granted, this was not always easy. My son (at 4 or 5 years old) could tell me play by play action of the most recent Sponge Bob Square Pants episodes. But I listened.

Today, he doesn’t talk about cartoons or TV shows so much . . . but at 19 has much bigger and more important things to discuss, and we have developed a good relationship. Today we really talk and listen to each other.

Here is some additional wisdom from Mark Gregston. I encourage you to visit his website at www.parentingtodaysteens.org.

Teenage boys will clam up if a parent expects them to look them in the eye when they talk. Instead, sit side by side, like in the car. And I find that all teens tend to talk more while they are involved in an activity, so you’ll be most successful if you can find something fun to do together.

Talking less may be difficult for parents, but when it comes to getting teenagers to open up to you, you can’t shut up too much. Don’t expect a long discussion; it may just be the “instant message” version, so listen carefully and repeat back what you think they said. Finally, be sure to ask questions to keep the conversation going.

Remember, ask questions. Then listen. You can’t shut up too much.

Looking toward the Big Picture

2011-02-21T07:25:00.000-06:00

Do you like to do jigsaw puzzles?

My daughter began doing little jigsaw puzzles when she was 2 years old. She loved them. She did them fast. Fortunately, they were inexpensive so we had quite a few. But I needed to make them a little more challenging for her when she was 3 or 4 yearsold, so I would take 5 or 4 of her puzzles and mix them together. She would then separate the pictures and do them that way.

By the time she was in elementary school, 500 piece puzzles were no problem. They just took a little longer.

These days, in only 2 hours, she does 1000 piece puzzles like this:

Seriously, she completed this puzzle in less than 3 hours. She’s amazing. Her puzzle technique is unusual and fun to watch too.

She is about to graduate from college in a few months with her degree in elementary eduation. As she completes that piece of her journey, we are excited to watch her step into this final semester where she will be student teaching some first graders in a school about 20 minutes from the house. Those little ones are in for a treat as “Miss Allen” comes into their lives. She’s a teacher – a passionate, driven teacher. Her heart’s desire can be summed up in the words of a 4th grader on the last day of her time in his classroom this past fall: “Miss Allen, You were a great teacher. You helped me understand everything.”

As parents, we are so proud of her. She is a beautiful, talented, intelligent, brilliant young lady. Her future is full of impartation and investment into others. She can’t wait to get at this calling on her life full time.

While she enters this next chapter in her story, it has also challenged me to examine whether I am taking time with others to help them ‘understand everything.’ Where am I imparting, teaching, encouraging and investing in others?

Where are you?

You and I have what it takes to fill in some of the pieces for those around us. A kind word, wisdom imparted, or a prayer prayed will help someone see a bigger picture.

Should I Stay? Or Should I Go?

2011-02-19T09:58:00.000-06:00

If you are like me, the anticipation of a thing can seem better than the thing itself. Until you get there.

I love the idea of going places -- The excitement of potential adventure -- Seeing something new. Experiencing a “never done that before.”

And then the day comes to PACK. And get the house ready to leave it. Clean out the fridge. Take out trash. Reorganize your purse to fit the 3-1-1 rule for the airport x-ray machines.

That’s when the I start to wonder if I really want to go. Is all this prep worth it?

The answer is YES!

Getting out of our comfort zone (or even our comfortable routine zone) is always a good thing for us to do. There are other euphemisms for this: Get out of your box. Get beyond your church’s four walls. Get outside yourself.

When I do something that upsets my normal routine (which I like – because I love my life), it changes my thinking and expands my world. It allows me to see the possibilities. It gives room for new relationships. It reminds me that the need is great for us to touch others. Hear their stories. Be an influencer. Be influenced.

Years ago, my son said something quite profound (especially for a young teenager): “You need to get outside of your comfort zone to make one for someone else.”

Are you willing?

I'm not eating with you if you're gonna be a Meanie!

2011-02-16T17:05:00.001-06:00

If you been married for any length of time (beyond 2 weeks), you have probably had a conversation something like this:

We are funny creatures - you and me. In our efforts to be unselfish, easy to be around, we often frustrate those closest to us by our mere "kindness."

It's really okay to make a decision. Voice it. Then see what happens. Sometimes it's just what your spouse needs. Be authentic. Be honest. (But don't be a meanie).

Snowed in and glad there's no place to go

2011-02-05T17:21:00.000-06:00

We have been iced then snowed in for 4 days, and I’m honestly a little disappointed to see this hibernation period come to an end. While some struggled after Day 2 or Day 3, I settled into the embrace of the escape a little bit deeper.

Even now in Day 5, as the snow disappears as quickly as it came, I’m sipping a decaf Almond Joy Creamered coffee, my Volcano candle from Anthropologie burning nearby (the best scented candle there is I think) and apart from a quick run to the post office and grocery store today, could easily do it all over again.

Unplanned and forced upon us – it required us to slow down, stop, and rest. And the beauty of it was the fact that all those close to us were required to do the same – family, friends, co-workers, bosses, leaders. Each one of us exiled, at least for a few days, to our own private worlds.

Peaceful. Productive. Simple. Restful. Energizing. Sweet. Home.

For me, the interruption to our daily lives came right on time. Now the challenge remains to hold on to the lessons learned from this week. Sometimes, it’s really ok to just settle down, ignore the busy-ness, spend time with God, play games with family, and relax. Rest. No one knows better than Him how badly we need it. It’s really all God asks of us. Draw near. Be still. Know.

Every Little Boy Wants to be a Super Hero!

2011-02-03T15:24:00.000-06:00

If you have not seen the Volkswagen: The Force “Darth Vader” commercial yet, you need to watch it here:

If you are the parent of a boy – no matter how old he may be today, you probably have seen bath-towel super hero capes, made a batman mask (or two or three or four, as in our case), and watched and listened to the exploits of a small boy on a mission. You have witnessed full blown, no holds barred imagination at work.

Is there anything better?

The hunger for adventure. We all have it. Yes. Every one of us. What are you willing to do to step out of your box, as you so comfortably know it?

Take a few minutes. Imagine. You were little once. You can still do it.

How do you prepare for a Super Bowl?

2011-01-30T20:38:00.000-06:00

Veterans of that game told Aaron Rodgers: “Don’t let anything distract you from your normal preparation.”

Don’t get distracted from what you know and what you have done up til now. Stay focused. Don’t change the game plan, just keep on task as you understand it.

Aaahh. But now the next question. What if you don’t have a routine working for you? What if your plan is not getting you to a winning place?

One word: Discipline.

This is my word for 2011. I know that there are several places in my life that need a fine tuning. I won’t go into them here (yes, perhaps some pride showing through), but I am sure you and I could talk about some common themes: exercise, healthier eating, more time invested in others, less time wasted, and you can add your own here: __________

Discipline defined: Training to act in accordance with rules; drill military discipline; Activity, exercise or a regimen that develops or improves a skill; training: A daily stint at the typewriter is excellent discipline for a writer; Punishment inflicted by way of correction and training; Behavior in accord with rules of conduct; behavior and order maintained by training and control; A set or system of rules and regulations; To train by instruction and exercise; drill; To bring to a state or order and obedience by training and control

Did you find yourself lacking any of these? Anywhere? I do every time I read it. It’s not easy but locating those things within myself that need improvement keeps it real for me. I am not Wonder Woman (that’s good news), but there are still many things I am responsible before the Lord to accomplish every day, every week, every month, every year.

C’mon. Join me. 2011 a year of wins! It’s in you.

Speaking of wins . . . any Packers fans out there?

Everybody wants a Magic Elevator!

2011-01-28T10:30:00.000-06:00

A redneck family from the hills was visiting the city, and they were in a mall for the first time in their life. The father and son were strolling around while the wife shopped. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again.

The boy asked, “Paw, what’s ‘at?”

The father (never having see an elevator) responded, “Son, I dunno. I ain’t never seen anything like that in my entire life. I ain’t got no idea what it is.”

While the boy and his father were watching in amazement, a fat old lady in a wheel chair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into the small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched the small circular numbers above the wall light up sequentially. The continued to watch until it reached the last number and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order. Then the walls open up again and a gorgeous, 20-something blonde woman stepped out.

The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son, “Go git yo Momma.”
This story was sent to me years ago, and I cannot give credit to the author but the concept of a magic elevator is quite intriguing.

And yet . . .

It’s so satisfying to go through life with people who cherish those evidences that time and experience brings to us. Sure, a few wrinkles, a couple gray hairs are going to show up. And so are the photo albums and laughs and defining moments!

Don’t get me wrong, I am old enough (and young enough) to still appreciate an excellent hair dresser (who is an expert in color) , teeth whiteners, and a good night cream!

If Billy Graham would do it differently . . .

2011-01-26T12:40:00.000-06:00

You may have seen the interview with Reverend Billy Graham that Christianity Today published recently. I love reading or hearing life lessons from seasoned, experienced (yes, older) people who have been around a few blocks a few times. I believe we can learn from others’ experiences, mistakes and the things that worked well.

We should heed wise words:

Christianity Today to Billy Graham: If you could, would you go back and do anything differently?

BG: Yes, of course. I'd spend more time at home with my family, and I'd study more and preach less. I wouldn't have taken so many speaking engagements, including some of the things I did over the years that I probably didn't really need to do—weddings and funerals and building dedications, things like that. Whenever I counsel someone who feels called to be an evangelist, I always urge them to guard their time and not feel like they have to do everything.

I also would have steered clear of politics. I'm grateful for the opportunities God gave me to minister to people in high places; people in power have spiritual and personal needs like everyone else, and often they have no one to talk to. But looking back I know I sometimes crossed the line, and I wouldn't do that now.

In summary: More time with family. Study more and preach less. Don’t do more than you should do.

via www.christianitytoday.com

It's still January . . .

2011-01-23T22:00:00.000-06:00

If you have ever waited for THAT college acceptance letter, or that “we love your manuscript” letter, or “your test results came back negative” letter, you know what anticipation feels like. You understand those words that put hope in your planned future – the document that seals the deal. That seals your deal.

January can still be that for you. It is for me – every year. The beginning of things. Again. The whole month says “Use me to start fresh. Use me to regain perspective. Use me to establish action items for some priorities. Go ahead. I dare you.”

Earlier this month my husband and I sat down together and talked about goals. We talked about what we had for ourselves, and we discussed some that we saw for each other. Some of our individual goals matched. So we looked at our calendars and established time blocks for them. Our schedules need to be altered a little bit to fit it in, but we are going to do that. There are some dreams we both have, and we found blocks of time to set aside to work on them. In that we became accountable to the other.

God’s Word says, “I know the plans I have for you. They are to give you a hope and a future.” (Jeremiah) Nobody can cover you like the Father. Nobody.

And if it helps you to draw in your spouse, a close friend, a pastor to help you -- Do it.

I’ve got my husband’s back on his planned future. He’s got mine. That feels real good.

It’s still January. Find your place and outline the plan. Put some action steps to it.

I dare you.

You gotta get away!

2010-10-30T12:41:00.000-05:00

My husband and I recently returned from a road trip – created by us – to celebrate our last anniversary. You see, our anniversary is in December so once autumn begins, then the holidays are in full swing, anniversary, Christmas . . . celebrating takes a bit of a back seat. Instead, we plan something during the year after. It’s good for us.

But it’s not easy.

Any couple with any sort of jobs, family, children, church responsibilities . . . well you know -- It’s called LIFE – any couple with any of those items involving their time find it difficult to set aside time just for the two of them . . with each other. Only.

As you read this, how many of you are saying to yourselves, “Tell me about it. We don’t ever do anything that’s just the two of us.” Admitting the problem is the First Step.

The truth is, our responsibilities do take most of our energy, our time, and our imagination. But here’s where a time out is needed along with a good evaluation of your marriage. But more importantly, the future of it.

Scott and I have a good marriage – 27 plus years. And because it’s good, it’s easy to take for granted that anything “extra” is ever needed or required to keep it cutting edge. Until you make the time, plan a date, or regular dates, or especially a short get-away, you don’t realize how much you need it until you do it.

We spent a few days at the beach in South Texas – during the off season. Not very expensive, within driving distance of home . . . but it helped us. And it proved once again, that time being our most valuable resource, is most valuable spent with each other.

Take some time and talk to your spouse. Plan a date, a movie, a dinner, something away from the house. Just you two. Start somewhere. Plan it. Schedule it. Do it.

Your children need solid parents in a solid marriage. You need it too.

It's a Grand Re-Opening!!

2010-10-23T12:16:00.000-05:00

OR: Where in the World is Debbie Sandiego?

Hopefully you don’t mind if I answer that question. I’ve been hiding I suppose – Hiding in my summer. Hiding in my son’s preparation for his first year at college and my daughter's senior year at college too. Hiding in some other projects. Hiding in our “empty nest.” But now it’s time to get up on some priorities, some discipline, some future thinking and visioning.

A Grand Re-Opening (of sorts)? I have always found those banners a little bit funny. What is a Grand Re-opening anyway? Another way of saying, “Let’s try this again and start again – only better.” Maybe it means smarter, or with more time to have counted the cost to get going again. Maybe it just means, I need to work harder to make it go.

In any case, that’s where I am. I took a summer off from my regular blog --- not with any real intentions to do so up front . . . but the cares of my life --- or rather the “caring of my life and those I love” became my priority. And you know, sometimes it’s okay to do that. The Bible calls it rest. And if that really is the reason for laying something down, or stepping aside from it for a season, then it can be rest.

It could also be called “avoidance or laziness or selfishness.” I call it rest. This time.

But today – a new day. I’m still resting, but it’s time to do a Grand Re-Opening. Of my blog, yes. Of a new incentive to push forward into some dreams I might have. Yes to that too.

How about you? What have you layed down that should be only for a season? Not forever?

Dust it off. Pick it up. Get moving.

Big Shoes to Fill

2010-06-20T19:49:00.000-05:00

Today I break my non blog writing fast (not an intentional hibernation from my blog) . . . It’s just been a busy few weeks – or has it been months?

But today I write to say a few words about the best man I know: The Daddy of my children – the husband of my youth . . . who grew into the best father that I know.

From Day 1 – a little over 21 years ago, he stepped completely into the “Daddy shoes” and he has walked through every stage of these two beautiful kids’ lives . . . completely, fully engaged and with more love than I thought possible.

My kids are blessed beyond words to have this man as the head of our household, as the pray-er over our needs, and as the watcher of our home.

He’s talented. Extremely talented. Funny. Silly at the right times. And solid. Even tempered. Kind. Generous.

He has the love of a father. He has the love of our Heavenly Father. Big shoes to fill. And yet he does.

I am a blessed woman.

Keeping Our Priorities Straight

2010-04-30T09:15:00.000-05:00

Guest Blogger: Scott Allen

This is an actual picture of the actual windshield of my son’s car yesterday. He’s fine. Thank God! It was a really freak incident and he handled it amazingly well. Debbie and I had been praying over him off and on all day. We witnessed an accident early in the morning that served as a “prayer cue” to cover our children in prayer – especially their vehicles and safety.

Yesterday afternoon his hood came unlatched while he was driving, came back and smashed his windshield. There were no injuries and no accidents. Just a smashed windshield, a very thankful family and a faithful God who daily makes his wisdom available to anyone who will tune in to receive it.

Take this opportunity to cover yourself and your family in prayer. Make a commitment to listen to wisdom when it comes and keep your priorities straight. You will never be sorry for following the goodness and mercy of God.

Psalm 91 (NLT)

Those who live in the shelter of the Most High
will find rest in the shadow of the Almighty.
This I declare about the Lord :
He alone is my refuge, my place of safety;
he is my God, and I trust him.
For he will rescue you from every trap
and protect you from deadly disease.
He will cover you with his feathers.
He will shelter you with his wings.
His faithful promises are your armor and protection.
Do not be afraid of the terrors of the night,
nor the arrow that flies in the day.
Do not dread the disease that stalks in darkness,
nor the disaster that strikes at midday.
Though a thousand fall at your side,
though ten thousand are dying around you,
these evils will not touch you.
Just open your eyes,
and see how the wicked are punished.

If you make the Lord your refuge,
if you make the Most High your shelter,
no evil will conquer you;
no plague will come near your home.
For he will order his angels
to protect you wherever you go.
They will hold you up with their hands
so you won't even hurt your foot on a stone.
You will trample upon lions and cobras;
you will crush fierce lions and serpents under your feet!

The Lord says, "I will rescue those who love me.
I will protect those who trust in my name.
When they call on me, I will answer;
I will be with them in trouble.
I will rescue and honor them.
I will reward them with a long life
and give them my salvation."

Got it all together? Me neither. . .

2010-04-21T22:39:00.001-05:00

A dream becomes a goal the moment you write it down.
A goal becomes a plan the moment you break it down into doable steps.
A plan becomes a reality only when you take action.

Proverbs 27:12 - The prudent see danger and take refuge, but the simple keep going and suffer for it.

A prudent person is a wise person. He is aware of the cause and effect relationship between what he chooses today and what he experiences tomorrow. What’s decided in one season of life will affect the next season – better or worse.

Everyone – yes everyone makes decisions every day that affect what their future looks like. Everyone does this -- every day. (Me especially) (and you especially).

Let me ask you a question. Are you satisfied today with the results of your decisions, your actions, your habits over the past three years? All of them? Most people are not.

What do you wish was different?

One of the lies we need to settle for ourselves is this: As humans we want to create a persona that says, “I have it all together.” We want people to say, “How did they pull it off?”

But what does God require of us?

Paul prayed in Phil 1:9-11: I pray that your love will keep on growing (#1) in knowledge and every kind of discernment, so that you can determine what really matters (#2) and can be pure and blameless in the day of Christ (#3) filled with the fruit of righteousness (#4) that comes through Jesus Christ, to the glory and praise of God.

Being 50 brings some added personal responsibility

2010-04-19T18:00:00.000-05:00

Remember my 180 to 50 goals?

One of them was to schedule a colonoscopy for myself (oh yeah baby!)(I can now say: “Check!”)

Friends have said that the anticipation of the procedure is worse than the thing itself. (I will let you know in May)

During my last checkup, my doctor gave me several items to do before I see her again. It seems that approaching a 50th birthday opens up a whole new file in the doctor's office with do’s and don’ts and add this much more calcium daily and schedule some routine exams you never had before. That sort of thing.

Colonoscopy is one of those things I needed to take some personal responsibility for. What about you? (You don’t have to personally reply to that question)

On a serious note to encourage all of my fellow “50ish” friends, here are some statistics to encourage you to take good care of yourself. (You are worth it!)

• If all Americans were screened regularly, it would save 25,000 lives each year.

• When diagnosed early, 90% of colorectal cancers are completely curable.

• About 75% of people in the U.S. who develop colorectal cancer are 50 or older with no other identifiable risk factors.

• Getting a colonoscopy can reduce the average person's risk of dying from colorectal cancer by 90%.

Again, let me repeat. You are worth it! Take every action you know to take to be healthy! We need you!

Graduation - a change, gradually

2010-04-18T20:47:00.000-05:00

If you have kids in school, especially high school, you know the end of the school year is right around the corner. The countdown has begun at my house . . . T-minus 19 school days to go.

I have a high school senior living at my house. And although in so many ways, the close of these next few weeks seems like the end of something, in reality . . . it’s a beginning.

Commencement -- That’s what we are preparing for right now . . . A ceremony prefaced by senior pictures orders, cap and gown measurements, announcements sent. Signaling the end of high school – yes. But yet . . .

The word “Commencement” is interesting here. Commencement defined: Beginning, first, kickoff.

It’s the beginning of a thing …. Not the ending of a thing.

Our son is graduating . . . this word is not an “ending” word either. It means to change, gradually. So, although the finishing of high school is certainly a major accomplishment and a major step, it is meant to be a gradual change in life . . . a gradual change to the next thing (in his case, it's college).

This applies to the parents too. Our son is our second (and last) child to graduate from high school. It’s an odd feeling . . . and yet, has been a graduation for us too --- a change, gradually.

So we all are commencing . . . beginning something new. We are parents, now, of grown adult children. It’s a little bit amazing to us. The years do roll along at a pretty swift pace, and yet, it’s gentle (at times), fun, overwhelming in moments, but steady. Time is time and the passing of it remains predictable. We have learned to make the most of it, enjoy every day, create memorable “bookmarks” for our children in their growing up, and cherish the responsibility the Lord gave us for these two amazing kids.

And so . . . we watch another beginning . . .

Super Hero or Not? Part 4

2010-04-14T09:00:00.000-05:00

Rules Require Consequences

Some parents cringe at the thought of applying consequences, fearing it may harm the relationship they have with their teenager. Step-parents and adoptive parents can be especially conflicted on this point. But I’ve found that young people want rules from their parents, step-parents and adoptive parents. And what good are rules without consequences for breaking the rules? The world makes more sense to kids when they know what is expected and what is not. They feel safer when they know where the boundaries are. And they find comfort in the consistency of parents who stick to their guns, while loving their children just as much no matter how many mistakes they make.

My advice to you is to build maturity and character in your teenager through sound rules and reasonable consequences. Do this consistently, and with a strong and loving relationship, and I guarantee that someday you’ll hear your child call you their biggest hero — a true Super Hero.

This post is an exerpt from a blog by Mark Gregston, Parenting Today’s Teens. Connect with Mark at www.markgregston.com.

Super Hero or Not? (Part 3)

2010-04-13T08:59:00.000-05:00

First-Time Consequences

When a teenager first misbehaves, parents can nip it in the bud by applying disproportionate first-time consequences. Unless a child learns a memorable lesson the very first time they are caught, each wrong deed can be a stepping stone to more serious missteps. Disproportionate first-time consequences ensure that the child never thinks about making that same mistake again.

For instance, if you catch your teen driving under the influence, you might consider donating their car to a local charity. Now, that’s a big deal to the teenager, but it could prevent them from dying in future a car wreck, or from having a lifelong problem with alcohol. Or, the first time they miss curfew you might require them to volunteer at the local mission every weekend for a month.

In both cases, the first-time consequences I’ve illustrated are both uncomfortable and memorable for a lifetime. The teen won’t soon forget that they lost their car or had to volunteer every weekend for making a stupid mistake, and they’ll wonder what bigger privilege they’ll lose if they do it again! Compare that to what most parents do today, which is to ground their child. Grounding can be appropriate at times, but grounding is more of a convenience to parents than anything — at least they know where their teenager is! If you resort to grounding, then couple it with something memorable and decidedly boring for your teen, like several hours of physical yard work with no iPod, no cell phone and no friends hanging around to entertain them.

Don’t Waffle on the Consequences

A parent is his own worst enemy when he waffles or makes idle threats in regard to consequences. It takes effort to properly discipline children, and that’s why it is easier for parents to warn, warn again, and then resort to yelling angry warnings instead of simply applying consequences. Warnings serve to tell kids that they have multiple opportunities to avoid consequences, and they quickly learn just how far they can exasperate their parent before the parent takes action. So, the house ends up in a constant state of chaos and everyone feels lousy.

If you waffle or don’t follow through, it’s an empty threat that will teach your teen that you don’t mean what you say, and he is not responsible managing the problems he creates. On the other hand, when your teen realizes that he’ll be held responsible for his actions and every part of his life, then your life will improve, and so will his.

So, what happens if your teenager holds out longer than expected? In other words, he keeps making the same mistakes in spite of the consequences. My advice is to hang in there. Rather than changing the game plan, continue to apply consequences, even if there seems to be no positive effect. Eventually they will take hold, but only if you don’t waver. If you stop or lighten the consequences, you’ll be giving your teenager exactly what he is holding out for. You’ll lose all credibility and it will undermine your ability to correct them at all in the future

Tomorrow Part 4 of 4. For more information about Mark Gregston go to www.markgregston.com)

Super Hero or Not? (Part 2)

2010-04-12T09:00:00.000-05:00

Why Kids Need Consequences

It’s no mystery. Teenagers behave irresponsibly when they’ve not had to be responsible for their behavior. They do not magically become more responsible, mature, or wise as they get older. They learn experientially, and they get wiser by living. They learn by being given responsibility and by facing uncomfortable consequences for failing in that responsibility or making bad decisions. If they put their hand in a flame, they need to learn they’ll get burned. Even if you tell them they’ll be burned, at some point they’ll test out your theory. And if they don’t feel the sting of the fire when they do test it, they’ll likely do it again and again, just to show you that you’re wrong!

So, what does Scripture say about consequences? In Proverbs it says, “The Lord disciplines those He loves” (Proverbs 3:12a) and “Discipline your son, and he will give you peace”( Proverbs 29:17). Discipline is a principle found throughout the Old and New Testaments. So, there is nothing more loving, biblical and godly than to give proper discipline to your children.

Consequences can be the natural result of foolish actions, such as breaking a leg from jumping off a roof, or they can be what employers, parents or authorities use to bring about a positive change in behavior. For parents, the goal of consequences is not punishment; it is to help your teenager grow up. In adult life, we deal with consequences every day, and if we’re smart we avoid them, but teenagers still need to learn that wisdom, even though they are capable of being adults intellectually and biologically.

This is part two of a series I am reposting from Mark Gregston (Parenting Today's Teens).

Super Hero or Not?

2010-04-11T19:16:00.000-05:00

The following is an excellent blog from Mark Gregston. During the next four days I will post his blog in its entirety.

None of us can see our own errors; deliver me, LORD, from (my) hidden faults! -¬ Psalms 19:12

Being a super hero works out pretty well in the movies or comic books, but when it comes to parenting, rescuing your teenager every time can lead to problems. It can spoil their ability to see the world as it truly is, and it can cause uncaring, self-centered and entitled thinking in your teenager now and throughout their lifetime.

Parents are wired to protect their children. It’s natural and it is needed in the early childhood years, but some parents continue protecting their offspring far longer than they should. Beginning in the teen years, kids need to begin feeling the impact of their own actions and to be given more responsibility for their own survival.

Counter to what some people might think, I find that the most irresponsible teens come from the most responsible parents. I call them “Super Parents.” They are so fixated on fixing problems that they fix all of their teenager’s mistakes as well. They don their cape and fly off to badger a teacher who has given their teenager a bad grade. They run faster than a steaming locomotive and bend steel bars to get their errant teen out of jail. And in everyday terms; they pick up their teen’s room, manage his money, pay his speeding tickets, wash his cloths and rush him to school when he oversleeps in the morning.

When it comes to parenting in the teen years, another name for a “Super Parent” is an “enabler.” They enable a teen to go right on breaking the rules and stomping all over everyone – and each time the teen is rescued it is from something a little more serious.

If you are an enabler, I’d like you to consider a different approach, for everyone’s sake. Life doesn’t have to revolve around chasing after your teen’s problems – even if you like being the super hero! Believe me; the problems will only get worse, not better, with every rescue. You’re not doing your teenager any favors. In fact, you’ll likely end up with exactly the opposite of what you are hoping for – a childish adult who remains dependent on you and cannot manage his finances, his relationships, nor his life.

The only way out of this spin cycle is to bring it to an end. How? By having a good talk with your teenager to tell them you will no longer be intervening on their behalf. Then hand your teen’s problems right back to them. They won’t believe it at first. They’ll think you’ll still rescue them, but don’t do it! They need to feel the bite of making their own mistakes, and they need to know you won’t come running (or leaping tall buildings) to rescue them. I’m not talking about “not being there” for your teen, or ignoring them and “throwing them to the wolves.” I’m talking about rescuing them from opportunities they encounter in life that will help them develop responsibility, make better choices, and mature.

Until the pain of consequences of behavior is greater than the pleasure a teen gets from that particular behavior, their actions won’t stop.

Love covers all things - It's a Full Spectrum!

2010-04-02T10:22:00.000-05:00

Love is Sincere.

“This is the great unworldliness,” Drummond says. “Love thinks no evil, imputes no motive, sees the bright side, puts the best construction on every action. What a delightful state of mind to live in. What a stimulus and benediction even to meet with it for a day! To be trusted is to be saved. And if we try to influence or elevate others, we shall soon see that success is in proportion to their belief of our belief in them.”

In my opinion, love thinks the best . . . It thinks the best of your friends, your spouse, your children, your family. You may have heard the quote, “We judge others by their actions, but we judge ourselves by our motive or intent.” Judge others by their best intentions - - give the benefit of the doubt in their decisions or your perceived motives. You never lose when you think the best.

“Love rejoiceth not in iniquity but rejoiceth in truth. I have called this Sincerity. The charity which delights not in exposing the weakness of others, but “covers all things.” (Drummond)

Jesus is our example – He covered all things. He covered all my “things” – all shortcomings, all sin, all wrong motives. He covered all.

Rejoice this weekend . . . Jesus loved. He covered all things on the cross. And then He arose! He got up, and He made us His example. Be a good one, too.

Love well.

Love is Good Temper – Part Two.

2010-03-30T09:00:00.000-05:00

Or rephrased: Love is NOT Bad Temper. It does not need to show itself as the "red hot" of the love color spectrum.

In his book “The Greatest Thing in the World” Henry Drummond discusses the effects of the temper of the elder brother on the Prodigal Son (and his Father). Drummond asks the question: How many prodigals never come homes because of the unlovely characters inside the house.

What is temper made of: Jealousy, anger, pride, uncharity, cruelty, self-righteousness, touchiness, doggedness, sullenness – these are the ingredients of this dark and loveless soul.

A dictionary definition of temper: habit of mind, especially with respect the irritability or patience, outbursts of anger, or the like. Heat of mind or passion, shown in outbursts of anger, resentment, etc.

“You will see then why Temper is significant. It is not in what it is alone, but in what it reveals. This is why I take the liberty now of speaking of it with such unusual plainness. It is a test for love, a symptom, a revelation of an unloving nature at bottom. It is the intermittent fever which bespeaks unintermittent disease within; the occasional bubble escaping to the surface which betrays some rottenness underneath; a sample of the most hidden product of the soul dropped involuntarily when off one’s guard; in a word, the lightning form of a hundred hideous and un-Christian sins.” (H. Drummond)

The temper of a person will set the temperature of a household. It sets the tone. The experience or the memories of and with this temper will determine whether people want to get close, whether they want to come in … or come home.

In our house, we are not “touchy” --- and we remind each of other of that whenever it’s appropriate. Allowing yourself to be touchy, will open the door to other selfish thoughts.

I am not touchy and I don’t ever want to be a hindrance to anyone coming home . . . Home for any reason. How about you?

Love is Good Temper

2010-03-29T09:00:00.000-05:00

Love is Good Temper.

“Love is not easily provoked. We are inclined to look at bad temper as a very harmless weakness. We speak of it as a mere infirmity of nature, a family failure, a matter of temperament, not a thing to take into very serious account in estimating a man’s character. And yet here, right in the heart of this analysis of love, it finds a place; and the Bible again and again returns to condemn it as one of the most destructive elements in human nature.” (Henry Drummond)

These words give new insight into the deadly ripple effects of a bad temper. Henry has described this characteristic so plainly and with such naked exposure, that it reveals in blatant form that “the wages of sin is death.” Bad temper will kill relationships, trust, peace, even the future for those around it. This is no light thing. A bad temper is destructive in every example of itself.

Drummond paints this description further: “You know men who are all but perfect, and women who would be entirely perfect, but for an easily ruffled, quick-tempered, or “touchy” disposition. No form of vice, not worldliness, not greed of gold, not drunkenness itself, does more to un-Christianize society than evil temper. For embittering life, for breaking up communities, for destroying the most sacred relationships, for devastating homes, for withering up men and women, for taking the bloom off childhood; in short, for sheer gratuitous misery-producing power, this influence stands alone.”

Take a moment – analyze yourself. Do you have a good temper – all the time? Even in the provoking moments, how do you control yourself? Practice your answer.

Tomorrow --- more on the effects of our Temper. This one characteristic can hinder or prevent those closest to you from coming into the Kingdom – or even coming home!

Love is . . . Courtesy -- A very nice colour!

2010-03-28T09:00:00.000-05:00

Love is Courtesy.

This is Love in society, Love in relation to etiquette. “Love doth not behave itself unseemly.” Politeness has been defined as love in trifles. Courtesy is said to be love in little things. (Drummond)

Love in society – Please and Thank you (the “magic” words). Love is polite and considers the others around me. It opens doors for others. Love never eats the last cookie or piece of cake. Love puts the toilet seat down and love excuses itself after burbs and belches and . . . well, you know.

Love is Unselfishness.

“Love seeketh not her own.” It is not hard to give up our rights. They are often external. The difficult thing is to give up ourselves. (Henry Drummond)

Courtesy and Unselfishness – closely related. These go hand in hand.

More of the Love Spectrum - Generosity and Humility

2010-03-27T09:00:00.000-05:00

Love is Generosity.

Love envieth not. (It is not jealous). Envy is a feeling of ill-will to those who are in the same line as ourselves, a spirit of covetousness and detraction. (Henry Drummond)

It’s interesting to me that rather than say love is not jealous, Henry Drummond instead focused on what love is – generosity. We have all heard that giving will cover a multitude of selfishness sins --- and yes, envy and jealousy would be the top two perhaps. Getting to the place where you are giving – to get outside of your own feelings, will turn a situation around. It takes the focus off of me, and puts it on you. That’s love.

Love is Humility.

And then, after having learned all that, you have to learn this further thing, Humility – to put a seal upon your lips and forget what you have done. After you have been kind, after Love has stolen forth into the world and done its beautiful work, go back into the shade again and say nothing about it. Love hides even from itself. Love waives even self satisfaction.

Wow – Love waives even self satisfaction. That’s a sentence to meditate.

Love is patience

2010-03-26T09:00:00.000-05:00

Love is patience.

“Love is patience. This is the normal attitude of love. Love passive, Love waiting to begin; not in a hurry; calm; ready to do its work when the summons comes but in the meantime wearing the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit. Love understands, and therefore waits.” (Henry Drummond)

Henry Drummond says this perfectly. Love waits. Love doesn’t push. Love doesn’t expect its own way. It prefers others. It gives the right of way. It allows someone with only a few items to get in line ahead of you. Love smiles in those lines. Love gives room for growth – and the time to do it.

Another colour of the love spectrum:

Love is Kindness.

Love active. Have you noticed how much of Christ’s life was spent in doing kind things – in merely doing kind things? You will find that Jesus spent a great proportion of His time simply in making people happy, in doing good turns to others. There is only one thing greater than happiness in the world and that is holiness; and it is not in our keeping; but what God has put in our power is the happiness of those about us, and that is largely to be secured by our being kind to them. (Henry Drummond)

“The greatest thing,” says one man, “a man can for His Heavenly Father is to be kind to some of His other children.”

The Greatest Thing in the World. Love.

2010-03-25T11:00:00.000-05:00

The Greatest Thing in the World. Love.

Henry Drummond lived over 100 years ago (1851-1897) and has written one (of many) of the most influential books I have read. This man knew how to communicate who God is. Specifically – he understood Love.

“It is a compound thing. It’s like light. As you have seen a man of science take a beam of light and pass it through a crystal prism, as you have seen it come out on the other side of the prism broken up into its component colours – red, and blue, and yellow, and violet, and orange, and all the colours of the rainbow – so Paul (in 1 Cor 13) passes this thing, Love, through the magnificent prism of his inspired intellect, and it comes out on the other side broken up into its elements. And in these few words we have what one might call the Spectrum of Love, the analysis of Love. Will you observe what its elements are? Will you notice that they have common names; that they are virtues which we hear about every day; that they are things which can be practiced by every man in every place in life.”

Henry says the Spectrum of Love has nine ingredients:

Patience – “Love suffereth long.”
Kindness – “And is kind.”
Generosity – “Love envieth not”
Humility – “Love vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up.”
Courtesy – “Doth not behave itself unseemly.”
Unselfishness – “Seeketh not her own.”
Good Temper – “Is not easily provoked.”
Guilelessness – “Thinketh no evil.”
Sincerity – “Rejoiceth not in inquity, but rejoiceth in truth.”

“These make up the supreme gift, the stature of the perfect man.”

Stay with me over the next several days --- We’ll look at these one ingredient at a time.

I’m going to make it my best recipe this week.

God's Take on Lawns

2010-03-23T10:00:00.000-05:00

Do we think this is what God intended?

Imagine the conversation The Creator might have with St. Francis on the subject of lawns:

God: Frank, you know all about gardens and nature. What in the world is going on down there in the Midwest? What happened to the dandelions, violets, thistle and stuff I started eons ago? I had a perfect, no-maintenance garden plan. Those plants grow in any type of soil, withstand drought and multiply with abandon. The nectar from the long-lasting blossoms attracts butterflies, honey bees and flocks of songbirds. I expected to see a vast garden of colors by now. But all I see are these green rectangles.

St. Francis: It’s the tribes that settled there, Lord. The Suburbanites. They started calling your flowers “weeds” and went to great lengths to kill them and replace them with grass.

God: Grass? But it’s so boring! It’s not colorful. It doesn’t attract butterflies, birds and bees, only grubs and sod worms. It’s temperamental with temperatures. Do these Suburbanites really want all that grass growing there?

St. Francis: Apparently so, Lord. They go to great pains to grow it and keep it green. They begin each spring by fertilizing grass and poisoning any other plant that crops up in the lawn.

God: The spring rains and warm weather probably make grass grow really fast. That must make the Suburbanites happy.

St. Francis: Apparently not, Lord. As soon as it grows a little, they cut it – sometimes twice a week.

God: They cut it? Do they then bale it like hay?

St. Francis: Not exactly, Lord. Most of them rake it up and put it in bags.

God: They bag it? Why? Is it a cash crop? Do they sell it?

St. Francis: No, Sir. Just the opposite. They pay to throw it away.

God: Now, let me get this straight. They fertilize grass so it will grow. And when it does grow, they cut it off and pay to throw it away?

St. Francis: Yes, Sir.

God: These Suburbanites must be relieved in the summer when we cut back on the rain and turn up the heat. That surely slows the growth and saves them a lot of work.

St. Francis: You aren’t going to believe this, Lord. When the grass stops growing so fast, they drag out hoses and pay more money to water is so they can continue to mow it and pay to get rid of it.

God: What nonsense! At least they kept some of the trees. That was a sheer stroke of genius, if I do say so myself. The trees grow leaves in the spring to provide beauty and shade in the summer. In the autumn they fall to the ground and form a natural blanket to keep moisture in the soil and protect the trees and bushes. Plus, as they rot, the leaves form compost to enhance the soil. It’s a natural circle of life.

St. Francis: You better sit down, Lord. The Suburbanites have drawn a new circle. As soon as the leaves fall, they rake them into great piles and have them hauled away.

God: No! What do they do to protect the shrub and tree roots in the winter and keep the soil moist and loose?

St. Francis: After throwing away your leaves, they go out and buys something they call mulch. They haul it home and spread it around in place of the leaves.

God: And where do they get this mulch?

St. Francis: They cut down trees and grind them up.

God: Enough! I don’t want to think about this anymore. St. Catherine, you’re in charge of the arts. What movie have you scheduled for us tonight?

St. Catherine: Dumb and Dumber, Lord. It’s a real stupid move about . . .

God: Never mind, I think I just heard the whole story.

(Taken from a Michael's Garden Center Newsletter several years ago)

The Parenting Thrill Ride

2010-03-21T17:28:00.000-05:00

While in Nashville a couple of weeks ago at the NRB Convention, I had the privilege of meeting Mark Gregston, author, blogger, and he also has a radio show that gives practical advice for parents, teachers, youth pastors of teens.

This is a repost in its entirety from a recent blog from Mark.

Parenting is rarely like a pleasant but slightly boring turn on a carousel. It’s usually more like a heart-stopping and unpredictable roller-coaster ride. In both experiences, the destination is never in question. But the roller coaster has more ups, downs and moments of terror.

As soon as you think you have it all together as a parent and feel as if you’ve reached a high point, you’re suddenly slammed into yet another dip, another turn, another uphill climb. One second you’re right side up, and the next second you’re hanging on for dear life and maybe even screaming at the top of your lungs.

But oh, how much more exciting is the roller-coaster ride! And how much more challenging! How much more thrilling, even with (or perhaps because of) the butterflies in your stomach, the fear, and the uncertainty of what’s around the next turn! On roller coasters, I’ve screamed out God’s name like a little girl. I’ve done the same in the twists and turns of parenting.

Prayer brings hope to my hopelessness and calms my anxiety when I need a reminder that I am not alone. Prayer reassures me that my confusion does not deter His plan.

Calling out His name affirms His presence, His power, and His purpose in my life. Regardless of how I pray— screaming from the roller coaster or in the quietness of my soul—I am reminded that just as there was a beginning, so there will be an end. Prayer brings hope to my hopelessness and calms my anxiety when I need a reminder that I am not alone.

Prayer reassures me that my confusion does not deter His plan. It calls me to look for the bigger picture, to embrace a larger view of whatever is happening, and to search deeper for meaning in the struggles and for purpose in the pleasures. Prayer reminds me that this parenting roller coaster is a ride like none other and that it draws on every attribute and ounce of strength I have to survive the ups and downs of the adolescent years and reach the end with relationships intact and training complete.

Prayer reminds me that the thrill of the parenting roller coaster is worth the discomfort; so I’m willing to crawl back into that seat and get locked in for another ride. Prayer changes things—including me. It has a wondrous way of changing situations. It forces me to remain focused on what’s important, and it helps me consider my teen from God’s perspective. Prayer aligns my heart with His and connects my heart with His so that my plans for my teen fall in line with His.
Today’s world sometimes seems to work against us. It’s a tough time to be raising teens. In this confusing culture, all the parents I know need as much help as they can get.

Help for both the parent and teenager can be found through the daily application of prayer. Through prayer, you’ll real¬ize that parenting teens isn’t so bad, even if it is full of ups and downs, twists and turns, climbs and free falls, fear and relief. After all, parenting wouldn’t be such a thrill ride any other way, would it?
Mark Gregston

#34 – 180 to 50

2010-03-09T11:30:00.000-06:00

#34 - Plan a trip to New York with former college roommate – celebrating turning 50 together. DONE!

If you have followed my journey to 50, I have been giving glimpses of my list of 50 things I created during the 180 days before my 50th birthday. I didn’t accomplish all of them in time, but many have earned the spot on the next list of dreams and goals I have set for myself. The journey continues.

But this one – a trip to New York City with two beautiful ladies from my college days is one of my favorite items on my list. We have begun planning this trip – airline tickets purchased, Broadway musical tickets ready, and hotel reservations in place. We are going in August, and this reunion has us all so excited.

You see, I haven’t seen these women in almost . . . oh my goodness . . . has it been 20 years? Not in person anyway. We keep in touch via Facebook --- and pictures and messages. And yet, we grew up together as college girls --- finding our way through new friendships, meeting the men we would marry, and creating a life time of memories (Euchre, anyone?)

One of these precious friends showed me Jesus. I watched her life, the relationships with her family, and the love she had for God . For the first time, I knew that Jesus was real – every day. I am grateful that Jesus has continued to be real – every day.

And so . . . our adventure begins. I am looking forward to catching up on life with these two. We have a lot to talk about! And perhaps the next trip to plan too!

No place like home

2010-03-07T15:35:00.000-06:00

Sunday afternoons. Sigh.

Today’s Sunday in Texas is rainy, cool, damp. Perfect for staying inside after church. We have a fire going – probably the last one of the season. A football game kind of day – but it’s March. So, we make a delicious hot beverage (French press decaf coffee today), and we write or we read or we do one of those plus laundry.

I like days like this before Spring --- the yard and flower beds cannot call my attention to them yet, making me feel guilty for not doing work outside. Can’t go for a walk – not really. Not today.

I am thankful for a warm, friendly, peaceful place called Home. The place to regroup, gear up for the week, set some Monday goals. And Tuesday goals. Prepare for a trip to Tulsa Thursday for a Senior Recital for an important soon-to-be graduate. Another trip Saturday to Michigan to see parents we haven’t seen in a while. A big 21st birthday to celebrate that day too. Soon there will be packing to do, and details to finalize . . .

But for right now. Peace. Ease. Familiarity. Home.

A very very good place.

Look at me when I’m talking to you!

2010-02-25T23:21:00.000-06:00

As parents of small children, it seemed impossible to imagine what our 2 year old will look like, how he will act when he’s 18, what his personality will be. Instead, we enjoy every moment and just watch and experience every day . . . one at a time.

And soon enough, our toddlers are teenagers – wonderful teenagers. I have enjoyed every single day of every age of our children. And God is faithful to give wisdom for every age, every phase, every new aspect of young life.

Teenagers provide provoking conversations. They ask questions of their parents about life goals, dreams (you still have some, right mom and dad?) and the future. This all takes listening. Lots of listening. In the listening, make sure you stop long enough to also look them in the eyes. Your teens completely understand the depth of communication that can come with eye contact.

The following is from Mark Gregston’s blog (Heartlight Ministries). It’s a good reminder for all of us.

There is a vital link between the amount of time you spend listening to your teenager and their willingness to listen to you in return.

A friend told me this story. He said, “My son was upset about something and wanted to talk about it at that very moment. But he caught me in the middle of something. So I only half listened, and made no eye contact. When I was finished, I went back to talk to him … but he only half listened, and wouldn’t make eye contact. I asked why and he said ‘Why should I do that for you, when you didn’t for me.’”

The dad apologized and learned to listen to be a better listener, thereby assuring that his teen would do the same.

Look at them when they talk to you. Look at them when you are talking to them. This will make a difference. A huge difference in how the conversation goes. Every time. The eyes are the windows of the soul. Really. You’ll see more than words.

When Teenagers begin to show maturity . . .

2010-02-19T20:01:00.000-06:00

The number one goal of a parent is to raise their children to become loving, confident, self-sufficient, sensible adults who love God, love and take care of their families, and contribute to community.

This is a quick 6 item list to help along the way from Mark Gregston of Heartlight Ministries – He gives good insight for parents.

So, what’s a parent to do when their child reaches the teen years and begins to show maturity?
Here’s what I recommend:
1) Loosen the reins, but remain watchful.
2) Continue to have a presence in their life; not one that dominates or hovers, but one that guides and limits when necessary, and sets them free to soar when appropriate.
3) Keep connected with the tools of their trade, like text messaging, cell phones, and social networking.
4) Invite their friends into your home, so you can get to know them.
5) Find some fun things you enjoy doing together.
6) And above all else, be sure to meet with them individually once a week, mostly just to listen to what’s on their heart.
________________________________________
©2009 Mark Gregston Heartlight Ministries

Kissing is Good For You!

2010-02-14T18:33:00.001-06:00

Kissing is Good For You! But you probably already knew that.

This is for you husbands and wives! In honor of Valentine’s Day, the Yahoo home page had links to several articles about romance and I liked this one especially. Kissing is good for you . . . and here is a summary of the five reasons why.

1.) Kissing boosts immunity.
2.) Kissing helps you pick the best mate (I might add reminds you why they are)
3.) Kissing burns calories!
4.) Kissing keeps facial muscles strong.
5.) Kissing naturally relaxes you.

I have a philosophy – which I have written about before – but here it is:

A 30 second kiss EVERY DAY will enhance and improve the state of your marriage. Now I am a firm believer that some days should involve kisses that last longer than 30 seconds, but I am talking about a daily habit for married couples.

This kiss will force each of you to focus completely on the other for this half a minute. A quick peck or any form of duty kiss will not cause a change of focus on your spouse. It’s still a good thing to do, but a 30-second kiss says something different.

A serious kiss can say several things. “I love you.” “I love what this could lead to later.” Or it simply says, “No matter what else has happened today, coming home to you, seeing you again, gives me great joy and comfort.”

A serious kiss says: I choose you!

pocket

2010-02-13T11:11:00.000-06:00

I’d like to make you
Small enough
To carry around
In my pocket.
Then we could be together
All the time.
And you could tumble
And stretch
Between my thumb
And forefinger,
And tickle my palm
When I start making
Self-important faces
At the world.

My son gave me a book of poetry by Dick Summer for my birthday. This is one of my favorites from the collection "lovin touch III."

Enjoy.

Today is my birthday

2010-02-10T11:00:00.000-06:00

Today is my birthday.

It is. But this isn't about that!

Rather: Authentic. A great word.

I think being authentic means you understand yourself well enough to discover through your life story, experiences and what you believe, to live life fully and with the ability to give to others. It’s genuine. Real. Transparent.

To be authentic requires some quiet time. Okay, it requires a lot of quiet time – regularly. Often. One of my favorite verses of Scripture is Philippians 2:13. “For God is working in you, giving you the desire and the power to do what pleases Him.”

Psalm 37:4 says “Take delight in the Lord, and He will give you your heart’s desires.”

They are the same. The desires of my heart come from God --- who works them in me so that I can have power to do them!

Today really is my birthday. My plan for this important 50th year is to be authentic and to encourage others to be the same – to rejoice in who they are and pursue it with all that’s within them. It’s God’s desire.

Authentic. Are you? What are you born to do? What are you suppose to do now? What’s next? Do you know?

Locate yourself. True North, remember? The One who created you did it on purpose! Get quiet. Write some goals. It’s the first step to getting there.

Another one of my “180” goals – getting a facial. Some time at the spa helps me be an authentic woman. Reminds me that taking care of myself is vital to accomplish the other things on my list --- the items for me . . . but better than that -- being strong for others entrusted to me. Others.

Getting Back to True North

2010-02-09T12:00:00.000-06:00

Every once in a while I need to locate myself – Find my True North. Everyone has one – a True North, that is.

“True North is the internal compass that guides you successfully through life. It represents who you are as a human being at your deepest level. It is your orienting point – your fixed point in a spinning world – that you stay on track . . . Your True North is based on what is most important to you, your most cherished values, your passions and motivations, the sources of satisfaction in your life.” (This excellent definition is from True North by Bill George)

When you follow your internal compass, you will be authentic.

While I was forming my 50 goals for my “180 to 50” project, I was looking for those things that made me --- well, me. I suppose. It was a time to reflect, dream, get practical, get not-so-practical . . . and write it down, make it real. Find True North for me and head that way.

So some of my goals included things like: #13 – Read a Novel. #15 – Read another novel. I want to read as many Pulitzer Prize winning authors as possible in the next 40 years.

Since I was in elementary school, I have been an avid reader, and then a writer. I wrote letters, long letters to family far way, short stories, journals, etc. The ability to create vivid pictures with words is one of my greatest aspirations. I was editor of my high school newspaper. I loved words. I received my Bachelors in Journalism from Central Michigan University (CMU), and continue to be a student of written words. I enjoy excellent authors. They are gifts to us. True North for me? Reading.

Authentic --- there’s a word. It deserves some attention. Next time.

Counting down . . . .

2010-02-08T11:00:00.000-06:00

Six months ago I started a project. The title of it came to me immediately. “180 to 50.” That day, August 10th I was exactly 6 months away from a significant birthday. A milestone birthday --- a jubilee birthday!

My decision: How will I approach it? With dread, woe and apprehension? NO!!!! With anticipation, joy, hope? I wanted that to be my response. I had to decide the “how” to do that and what it looked like.

So my journey began. It took me a few days, but I identified 50 goals for myself before I turned 50. This exercise was harder than I thought it would be --- Surely, it would be a no brainer to set 50 goals. But it wasn’t so easy because I wanted them to be important and really worth pursuing . . . not impossible butreal and satisfying.

Habakkuk 2:2 says ‘Write the vision and make it plain so that when you see it you can run with it.’

Writing down goals puts them in front of you. . . our humanness then will pursue the completion of them. It’s a natural progression. It’s how we are made.

Jim Collins is famous in my world for this great “word” – BHAG! (Pronounced “Be hag”) Big, Hairy, Audacious Goal. Do you have some? You should! Everybody should.

I will share some of my “180 to 50 goals” in blogs to come. Some may seem little … like “read a novel.” But for me, personally, that one has significance. I’ll explain that one day.

I am celebrating my life in some small or big way every day in February . . . “The Lord delights in us.” I am going to be delighted too.

Last One Up Makes the Bed

2010-02-05T09:27:00.001-06:00

We have a good marriage. We live by some simple rules.

Some are standard:

Don’t go to bed angry. Don’t go to bed without minimum of three kisses. (and the kisses are better if you don’t put night time lip balm on first).

I do the laundry. He takes care of house maintenance items like HVAC filters, smoke detectors, anything that goes “bump” or leaks or shorts out or produces smoke, smells or scratches in the walls. Fortunately, those have been limited over our 27 years.

I don’t mind the routine things like grocery lists and laundry folding. I love it that the unexpected things usually don’t belong to me --- like the snake on the back porch or the gecko in the kitchen, or the dryer isn’t heating, or that sink is stopped up. He’s handy.

He takes care of the emergencies. He operates better with items that aren’t the norm. He’s creative. He kinda lives that way. Sometimes it’s messier than me, sometimes it’s unpredictable. Sometimes it’s not how I would do it. But it’s much more fun.

But it’s still odd to me that when he makes the bed, the pillows line up symmetrically. I like them messy.

I squeeze the toothpaste in the middle -- He "fixes" the tube back and flattens out the bottom.

That's what marriage is --- appreciating the differences, minimizing any annoyances, compromise at whatever level is needed for peace.

Keep the small stuff small. Love is patient, kind. It's easy going and it gives room for being human. I am so glad he gives me room to be extremely human.

Last one out of the bed, makes the bed.

First one out of bed usually makes the coffee.

I got these for you!

2010-02-05T08:41:00.000-06:00

Today I received a huge gift . . .

I started that sentence four days ago and have not been able to finish the thought because the magnitude of it continues to run through my thinking --- every day now for the past 4 days the memory of my feelings when I saw it.

You see, I know this person and a little bit about their life. Kind, somewhat quiet, devoted parent, single, faithful employee, loves God.

I am humbled by the magnitude of the giving heart connected with the significant value of this gift. I am embarrassed that I have not yet written the thank you note, but I think it’s because I am touched beyond words and don’t know if I my gratitude can be expressed adequately enough. (Not a reason, by the way, to not say thank you). I am humbled.

The best way to respond? Receive it and be grateful. Next best thing to do? Give. Give to someone else. Look for the exact place. Be aware of those around me and be there to make a difference.

Trust. It is a big deal.

2010-01-31T20:55:00.000-06:00

“Hope is a well founded and confident belief that a specific vision (goal, desire or promise) will be achieved or fulfilled within a specific amount of time.”

This quote is from the book by Steven K. Scott I mentioned in my last post. The Richest Man Who Ever Lived is about King Solomon, author of the book of Proverbs – practical life wisdom at its finest. Yes, Proverbs is just that good.

Again,hope is a confident belief that a specific goal or promise will be fulfilled within a specific amount of time.

So basically, when you make a commitment, a promise or even a statement that you will do something, and give a time frame for it, your family and your friends will take you at your word. That’s what we call trust. You say something. You do it. You make a promise. You fulfill it. You say you are going to be somewhere. You show up. You say you love him. You go to the game. You say you love her. You go to her ballet recital. You say you appreciate her. Get home to dinner on time. You make a promise. You fulfill it. Trust. Repeat. Repeat.

But here’s the other side of that coin. Promises broken. Commitments not kept. Disappointment. Trust broken. Hearts hurt.

Proverbs 13:12: “Hope deferred makes the heart sick. . . “

When hope is put off, you lose your emotional energy and momentum. You know the feeling. We have all experienced it in one form or another. When we build hope for others and then don’t come through, we then defer others’ hopes. They lose their emotional energy and motivation. They lose their trust in us.

It’s no small thing.

I am a parent of two (now adult) children who at one point each received the car keys for a solo ride. I think this is one of the biggest trust experiences for parents and kids. Yeah, one of the biggest. So we lay out the rules. The kids say “Got it.” “Don’t you trust me?” “I promise I won’t talk on the phone or text while driving. I will be home on time and I will let you know when I get to where I am going.” Hope is instilled. Trust is at the door.

Then the phone call doesn’t come when they arrive at their destination. First response? It comes from the heart. You could call it a “sick” feeling … that hope deferred. Parents know what I am talking about. Some worry tries to creep in, disappointment. The good news --- nothing is wrong. They just forgot. Well, you can give your kids another chance. (You must if they are ever going to learn this life skill called driving). And they will straighten up and remember next time… because they want your trust. It’s a big deal.

Fulfilling promises is a big deal.

Proverbs 13:12 says “But desire fulfilled is a tree of life.” Desire fulfilled, promises kept, your word being true is a source of life. It feeds your relationships. It gives vision to your children of what integrity looks like. It grows your own character. It makes you a vessel that God can use. It makes you a vessel your family can believe in. It gives you motivation that your own words are true.

Expectations

2010-01-23T12:12:00.003-06:00

We all have them. It’s what gets us going in the morning . . . most of the time. Some days the only thing that gets us going is obligation. But those are the hard mornings.

I’m talking about most days . . . when the anticipation of the first sip of coffee is a happy thing all by itself. Mornings. I really love casual, easy, slow mornings. Coffee, Bible, other books (I read several at a time . . . all over the house), newspaper, birds chattering, coffee, quiet. Saturdays are the best.

Some weeks just the expectation and hope of Saturdays can help us get to them. We know expectation well. We understand hope. We embrace it.

FROM THE DICTIONARY: EXPECT, ANTICIPATE, HOPE, AWAIT all imply looking to some future event. EXPECT implies confidently believing, usually for good reasons that an event will occur. ANTICIPATE is to look forward to an event and even to picture it. HOPE implies a wish that an event may take place and an expectation that it will. AWAIT (WAIT FOR) implies being alert and ready.

Yesterday I heard this quote: “Hope is the last thing that dies.”

I have been thinking about that for the last 24 hours. It’s because of hope we make New Year resolutions (which are often the same as the year before and the year before that). It’s because of hope we dream about our future. It’s hope that causes us to invest in retirement accounts. Hope is the reason we have children. It's why we buy calendars and planners. Hope is the reason we get puppies. And what causes us to keep our resume updated. Hope is why we have height charts in our kids’ rooms. Hope is why we buy green bananas and plant tulip bulbs in the fall. Hope is why we give to the cause of Haiti’s rebirth. Hope keeps us going.

Hope – Mankind’s Perpetual Fuel. Hope can be defined as a well founded and confident belief that a specific vision (goal, desire, or promise) will be achieved or fulfilled within a specified amount of time.” This quote is from a great book The Richest Man Who Ever Lived by Steven Scott. (I highly recommend it).

Hope – a well founded and confident belief that a specific vision (goal, desire, or promise) will be achieved or fulfilled within a specified amount of time.

As you review your goals (again) and (still), each step completed gives you more hope that you will achieve that goal. Each step. One at a time. Hour by hour. Day by day. Week after week. Hope is the emotional and mental power to go to the next step. Hope produces progress.

That’s what it takes . . . it’s man’s fuel – his emotional fuel, his mental fuel . . . It’s real. It speaks. It keeps us moving. It’s from God. It’s good stuff!

Romans 15:13: “God, the source of hope, will fill you completely with joy and peace because you trust in Him.” And trusting Him, will cause you to overflow with confident hope.

Overflowing confident hope. God gives freely to those who ask. He is not a withholder. He’s a giver. Every time. Now that will help us get some things done!

When I grow up . . . I want to be just like you

2010-01-11T12:37:00.003-06:00

In recent weeks I have heard these words . . . and the humbling thing . . . the most humbling thing about this is that it was addressed to me personally.

It’s easy to brush it off. Act as if it doesn’t matter much. I could have heard it as an off-handed comment without much substance. But, instead, I received it as an assignment.

I have an assignment. You have an assignment. Someone should want to be just like me. Often I think it could be my daughter. After all, I’m a girl; she’s a girl. I like shoes; she likes shoes. I laugh easily; she also has a great sense of humor. Maybe there are characteristics that will become part of who my son is becoming. I like to read and be challenged and amazed by the complexity of words well written; so does he. I think I am a kind person; he is very kind, respectful young man.

But more than these two precious lives, I want to be an example to others beyond my immediate family. How do I do that?

Two words: On Purpose.

Purpose Defined: Something set up as an object or end to be attained. Intention. Resolution. Determination. A subject under discussion or an action in course of execution.

On Purpose: By intent: intentionally.

On Purpose – with firm conviction and intention I must decide that this is important and a primary objective for myself.

We know that January is a time, historically, for making resolutions. It’s a time that most people review, reflect and make a concentrated effort to identify the things in their lives they should change, improve upon, or add to their lives.

That’s what I am doing. For me, I want to do things on purpose. I want to use my time on purpose – for teaching, training, guiding, helping. I want to use my time wisely – in the serious things, and in the fun things. I want to use my time to play well. Rest well. Take care of myself well.

I want to use my time, on purpose, to be transparent to others, so that I am approachable, easy to talk to, open to ideas.

On purpose, I want to be a woman, known to love the Lord, love her family, her friends, her church, and along the way, like who I am as I do it.

How about you? Are you satisfied with yourself? Do you like you? Would you want to grow up to be like you?

It’s still January . . . a perfect time to review, reflect and make a new plan. Resolve. Do it on purpose.

Somebody’s watching.

Happy Anniversary to us!

2009-12-18T09:45:00.000-06:00

The one who inspires me to get out of myself . . . in things of love, life and dreaming . . . today we celebrate 27 years of being married!

It’s because of Scott that I am writing this blog today. I seem to have taken a little hiatus from blogging, allowing the other “things” of life, work and general busy-ness to squeeze out one of those things that I am passionate about . . . time to write, express and move into unknown territories not part of my routine schedule. Scott is my example of pursuing dreams, ideas and things “not the norm.” He’s my inspiration for pursuing ideas bigger than my current world.

So, today I spend a few extra minutes, not putting packages together to ship for Christmas, or one more load of laundry, or even an errand or two listed on my list . . . but because of him, I pause, reflect and use some black and white words.

It doesn’t seem possible that these 27 years belong to us already. After this much time, I still get excited when the caller ID on my phone shows he’s calling. The end of the day is still my favorite time knowing we spend it together. His witty thinking and off the cuff jokes and puns are still the funniest. The smile in his eye still catches me off guard sometimes.

Honestly, I think the anniversary card we received from our daughter today summarizes best.
“She looked at him.
He looked at her.
And everyone who saw that look
Wanted to throw up a little.”

Yes – sometimes, it’s just that sweet . Just that syrupy, mushy, amazing, wonderful . . . SWEET!

Because of Scott Allen, I continue to learn to love unselfishly. Next to Jesus, he’s my best example.

Wanna See My Baby?

2009-10-27T21:44:00.001-05:00

It gives me great pleasure to finish something and see the immediate results of the finishing. You know when you mow the yard and the results are immediate with every step? I really like that. Vacuuming is like that too. Erasing a chalk board. Pressure washing the back porch. Being pregnant and then having the baby. Immediate results. Nice.

There’s something very satisfying to setting out a path or set goals and accomplishing them. As you may have guessed, I am a list maker. I like to check things off the list, indicating a task completed. I like the short term finishes and the long term plans too.

Short term or long term, it takes discipline, time invested, and commitment.

Recently I heard a brand new adult (just turned 18) say that his childhood was a good one, complete, satisfying. (Some words my own, but you get the picture). He was ready to cross over into adulthood and take on the changes and new responsibilities that come with it. There’s pleasure in the finishing, some trepidation about the future, but no regrets.

Living without regret requires daily decisions … Actually, moment-by-moment decisions. It requires making choices and thinking about how they affect your future in 10 minutes, in 10 days, in 10 months and 10 years. On purpose we need to move through our days and weeks as if every decision we make affects our future in a significant way. Because they do! Your habits today will shape who you are tomorrow and next year and 10 years from now. These decisions affect what your family becomes… tomorrow and when your children graduate from high school. These daily decisions affect your outcome at every level of your life.

Babies are cute, sweet, and innocent. A blank page really. When they turn 18, become adults, with no regret as parents, we need to be able to again say, “Wanna see my baby now?” And knowing that with God’s help, His wisdom, you made the choices that enable you to not look back, but look ahead. Satisfied.

We need Love AND Respect - Dr. Emerson Eggerichs

2009-09-11T21:12:00.000-05:00

Love and Respect – Seemed simple, straight forward enough. Then I read this book and it hurt my feelings!

As a wife, I think I do the “love” part pretty good --- but it’s the “respect” part that husbands need. And so my quest began.

In this marriage-transforming book, Dr. Emerson Eggerichs’ Love and Respect is designed to help wives see that their big, powerful husbands are really in need of something that wives can give – respect. When he receives respect, he will give her the kind of love she has always hoped to receive.

Thus – the Wake up call!

Paul gives gender specific instructions in Ephesians 5 to married couples. Yes – Gender Specific. And I am very, very sure this was on purpose – strong purpose. You see – God knows us.Dr. Eggerichs says that Paul “reveals commands from the very heart of God as he tells the husband he must love (agape) his wife unconditionally and the wife must respect her husband, whether or not her husband comes across as loving.”Throughout the book, the real life situations and practical Biblical wisdom and concepts will help any spouse find themselves (and their partner). It almost seemed too easy to see --- almost embarrassing. But the good news, is Dr. Eggerichs gives direction, help, easy to remember steps and even discussion questions for husbands and wives to move through the needed healing, repair, or strengthening in their relationships. There is also a workbook that can be purchased for deeper levels of commitment to better communication.

What is respect? “Esteem for or a sense of the worth or excellence of a person, a personal quality or ability. The condition of being esteemed or honored. Favor or partiality. To show regard or consideration for.” In my view, every marriage (great or struggling) can be refreshed.

After reading Love and Respect by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs, I highly recommend this book for all married people and soon to be so. As he says, “Wives do not need a lot of coaching on being loving. It is something God built into them, and they do it naturally. However, they do need help with respect.” Me? I need all the help I can get!

Tips on Love - From the Mouths of Babes

2009-09-06T20:17:00.000-05:00

The following advice comes from kids 5-10 years old.

Q: What is falling in love like?
“Like an avalanche where you have to run for your life.” (Roger, 9)
“If falling in love is anything like learning how to spell, I don’t want to do it. It takes too long.” (Leo, 7)

Q: What do most people do on a date?
“On the first date, they just tell each other lies, and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date.” (Mike, 10)

Q: What is the proper age to get married?
“Eighty-four, because at that age, you don’t have to work anymore, and you can spend all your time loving each other in your bedroom.” (Judy, 8)

Q: Is it better to be single or married?
“It’s better for girls to be single, but not for boys. Boys need somebody to clean up after them.” (Lynette, 9)
“It gives me a headache to think about that stuff. I’m just a kid, I don’t need that kind of trouble.” (Kenny, 7)

Q: On the role of good looks in love.
“If you want to be loved by somebody who isn’t already in your family, it doesn’t hurt to be beautiful.” (Jeanne, 8)
“Beauty is skin deep. But how rich you are can last a long time.” (Christine, 9)

Q: The personal qualities necessary to be a good lover.
“One of you should know how to write a check. Because, even if you have tons of love, there is still going to be a lot of bills.” (Ava, 8)

Q: Surefire ways to make a person fall in love with you.
“One way is to take the girl out to eat. Make sure it’s something she likes to eat. French fries usually works for me.” (Bart, 9)
“Just see if the man picks up the check. That’s how you can tell if he’s in love.” (John, 9)
“Lovers will just be staring at each other and their food will get cold. Other people care more about the food.” (Dave, 8)

Q: What most people are thinking when they say “I love you.”
“The person is thinking: ?Yeah, I really do love him. But I hope he showers at least once a day.” (Michelle, 9)

Q: How to make love endure.
“Spend most of your time loving instead of going to work.” (Tom, 7)
“Don’t forget your wife’s name … That will mess up the love.” (Roger, 8)
“Be a good kisser. It might make your wife forget that you never take out the trash.” (Randy, 8)

I like the last one - be a good kisser -- We wives might even forget about the trash!

Moms, Do not allow college to be heart wrenching!

2009-08-30T13:50:00.000-05:00

As surprising as it is, I am at the place in my family life that our kids are going to college and planning to go to college! (Yes, that makes two kids). Our daughter is a junior at ORU and our son is a high school senior.

I may have said before, we have enjoyed every day of being parents – yes, every day… maybe just a few minutes of some days . . . but our kids have created a WONDERFUL family experience. Parenting is the most rewarding thing we continue to do… We have the pictures to prove it.

And yet … the daily part of parenting must come to an end. It must … or you will become one of those moms who has children who never leave home, never fully understand the necessity of independence, never assume the role of responsibility, and then have no concept of what it means to “leave mother and father and cleave to a spouse.”

Moms! Don’t you want your kids to have those accomplishments? The satisfaction of being “grown up?” Of course you do.

It starts today.

No matter what age your children are – whether they are going into Kindergarten for the first time, junior high, senior year or . . . or yes, even possibly moving away to college.

Your children need to see in real life--- in your real life --- that God is big enough to handle YOUR emotions, to handle changes, to give you peace AND JOY in your journey of parenting them through their journeys.

Do not force your kids to feel sorry for you because this next big thing is so “heart wrenching.” Do not give your children any reason to worry or be concerned about you because of where they are going. God is so Able, so Completing, so Enough.

Your faith in your own future gives your kids the courage to face their futures. Be that example. Show your kids that the Holy Spirit, alive in you, is well able to walk you through whatever comes next.

Now on the practical side, it’s time to save all the small care package boxes you can find. Send a box at least once a month fully of silly goodies. Send a card or a letter once a week. It’s a funny thing – but this generation of Tweeps and Facebookers become avid fans of Snail Mail in college. (This happens on Day One!)

And the God of peace --- which transcends our understanding, will guard your heart and your mind!

Ask me how I know!

Say this: I am not a dripping faucet!

2009-08-23T20:21:00.000-05:00

“A nagging wife annoys like a constant dripping.” (Proverbs 19:13) This could be a dripping faucet, a leaky roof drip, a runny nose drip, a Chinese water torture drip . . . and then this next verse says, that in order to avoid the dripping of anything … “It is better to live alone in the desert, than with a crabby, complaining wife.” (Proverbs 21:29) That’s about as far away from water as you can get! Keep reading. We are given instruction to recognize this could be a problem for us girls!

As you may recall from my previous post, Paul gives gender specific instructions in Ephesians 5 to married couples. Yes – Gender Specific. And I am very, very sure this was on purpose – strong purpose. See – God knows us.

Dr. Eggerich (author of Love & Respect) says that Paul “reveals commands from the very heart of God as he tells the husband he must love (agape) his wife unconditionally and the wife must respect her husband, whether or not her husband comes across as loving.”

Read these next two paragraphs carefully. Ladies – this will hurt, but you can take it. (Well, at least it hurt my feelings.) Dr. Eggerich writes, “Note, however, that this verse gives no command to a wife to agape-love her husband. “ He said after much study, he asked why. “And then it struck me. The Lord has created a woman to love. Her whole approach to nurture, her sensitivity, love, and compassion are all part of her very nature. In short, God designed the woman to love. He’s not going to command her to agape her husband when He created her to do that in the first place.”

In Titus 2:4 older women are told to encourage women to love their husbands and children, but in this case, Paul is talking about phileo love – which refers to the human, brotherly kind of love. Dr. Eggerich points out that a young wife is created to agape her husband and children. . . . “BUT in the daily wear and tear of life, she is in danger of becoming discouraged – so discouraged that she may lack phileo love. A kind of impatient unfriendliness can come over her. She may scold and sigh way too much. After all, there is always something or someone who needs correcting.”

OUCH!

We are warned repeatedly in the book of Proverbs about this character flaw. Often. More than once or twice even.

Remember this one? “A nagging wife is as annoying as the constant drip on a rainy day. Trying to stop her complaints is like trying to stop the wind or hold something with greased hands.” (Prov. 27:15-16)

Decide now. Today. To not resemble a dripping anything! You were made to love. Love is power and it’s self control and it’s tempered and it’s lovely and it’s nice and considerate and all of 1 Corinthians 13.

Are you?

". . . and the wife must respect her husband."

2009-08-10T19:31:00.000-05:00

This was Paul’s final instruction in Ephesians 5. Now, of course we know that Paul didn't intend for Chapter 5 of Ephesians to end that way – because he did not write his letter in chapter and verse. BUT – it’s still the end of a paragraph. The instruction earlier in the chapter help set the home life setting so that proper instruction can then be given (and received) by the children. There’s a logical progression here. It works.

What is respect? “Esteem for or a sense of the worth or excellence of a person, a personal quality or ability. The condition of being esteemed or honored. Favor or partiality. To show regard or consideration for.”

Recently I heard a successful man talk about what a man feels when he loses his job. My internal response was “Fear of not being able to pay the bills or feed his family.” But this man said, “The fear of losing the respect of his family.” I realized at that point, the depth of the value of respect men desire from the people closest to them.

It was also that statement that caused me to see how little I knew about what Paul was instructing wives to do to show honor to their husbands. The definition is different than love or submission --- there’s more to it than that. There’s a level of reverence and honor and gratefulness connected to it.

I’ve begun reading Love and Respect by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs (I highly recommend this book for all married people and soon to be so). He says, “Wives do not need a lot of coaching on being loving. It is something God built into them, and they do it naturally. However, they do need help with respect.” Men want women who believe in them.

Men want women who believe in them. One more time: Men want women who believe in them. They want us to appreciate his desire to work and achieve.

What does that mean to you, wives? How do you communicate it? This matters much to him.

I am determined to grasp and demonstrate this at a greater level in my marriage. I truly am grateful for a man I do love, honor, enjoy, and respect. Time and again he goes above and beyond to pursue ideas, dreams and avenues to help and bless our family. He’s always thinking about the future . . . our future. And in the process, makes every day a step in that direction.

Somedays it's just hard to say . . .

2009-07-06T20:43:00.001-05:00

Some days it’s just hard to say.

It’s hard to say what the real issue is. Or what the problem seems to be. Or what’s bugging you. Could be a series of things. Unmet expectations. Disappointment in how it all turned out. Hard to say.

Somedays it’s not enough sleep. Or hormones. Or nothing at all. Just seems like crabby has come on. Some days it’s hard to say.

And so … on those “hard to say” days. Just don’t. Don’t say it. Don’t try to explain it. Don’t examine it til you get an answer. Don’t talk it out. It needs to stay Hard to Say. Too hard in fact. And so, stay quiet.

1 Corinthians 13 – we all know the Love chapter. “Love is not touchy.” For me, that sums up most of all the other adjectives for love. I am not touchy. I am not easily moved by my emotions so that they negatively affect others.

That’s my desire … my goal. Somedays it’s easier than others.

A wise man once said, “You never regret that which you do not say.”

How can I trust you hear from God . . . . .

2009-06-14T19:07:00.000-05:00

“How can I trust that you hear from God, if you are so moved by your emotions and what other people think?”

It usually takes a little bit of time to pass in a relationship to come to this conversation. These words must be asked by every person when it comes to the life decision: Is he the one? Is she the one?

Every boy and girl needs to know, without a doubt …. Of any kind…. That the person they are committed to hears from God … more than they hear from anyone else. Anyone else!

Let me set the stage:

In May 1983, Scott and I had been married almost 6 months. We were living in South Carolina and we were miserable! We had moved there because of a job offered to Scott to work at a Christian TV station. We packed up all of our belongings in January (it all fit in a small U-Haul trailer) and headed South. Both of us being from Michigan were in for a major shock to the ways of the South Carolinians. It wasn’t such a good fit.

The reason for our misery? Thankfully, it was not because we got married! But it was because we needed to get back on track to the destiny Scott was called to when he was teenager. He’s a talented musician, song writer, called by God. We weren’t doing that. We were miserable.

One phone call. That’s all it took for him to know what was needed. Scott knew he had heard from the Lord and it meant a move to Atlanta, Georgia and going back on the road to minister with Mylon LeFevre’s band.

Enter Stage Right: The newlywed wife (6 months, remember?) I had never heard the name Mylon LeFevre and knew nothing about him, his band, his ministry. Nothing! But my husband knew that it was time to go back on the road --- yes, travel. Yes, leave wife at home.

Newlywed wife: “Was it something I said?” “You need to get away from me? But . . . But . . . But . . .”

Side note: Don’t let the “buts” get in the way of your calling!

I had married a man who heard from God. I knew that. I did not want to be the one who only heard from God when my emotions weren’t in the way! And I wanted to be married to a man who heard from God when my emotions were in the way!

And he does. These days, I believe that I do too. And now we train our children how to hear too.

Some Dogs Do Go To Heaven

2009-05-24T21:34:00.001-05:00

“Animals who receive and give love will be with us in heaven.”

This is a statement I choose to believe today. It’s actually a quote from a great Christian lady that I trust very much. I think she really knows.

When we decided to obey the Lord to move to Texas 14 years ago, we told our kids – who were then 6 and 4 that we could get a puppy because our new house would have a fenced back yard. That’s all they needed to hear to put their faith to work for that new pet. Christmas of 1998 we gave the kids a “How to Care for Your Golden Retriever Puppy” book. Good pastor friends of ours in Alabama told us they wanted to give us one of their puppies as a gift … an AKC registered Golden Retriever puppy.

In January of 1999, “Allie” came home -- Named after her home state of Alabama. She was 8 weeks old and a cute, fuzzy, little ball of energy! Our kids’ faith had produced this new family member and oh my gosh …. She was a handful! Smart …. Too smart many days. Fast … She would find ink pens and run around the house … the more we chased her, the better she ran and the better the game! I had visions of her biting down on them... ink everywhere. (Fortunately, that never happened) She developed quite a personality.

This dog took over … as a Golden, she always had to lead, be in the way, and help you get to where you should go! She wore bandanas around her neck and loved them! She loved to carry around empty water bottles, chew q-tips from the trash (yeah, yuck!) and could squeak a toy better than any dog I have ever heard. She stayed near, at our feet, at our side and just needed a few good touches. Faithful. Happy. Funny. Sweet. Family – every day. She had a way of “Counting” us to be sure we were all home. She knew when someone was missing… watched the doors for them to come in. I do think she knew how to love.

This week, Allie transitioned from this life. Over a two week period, an aggressive cancer changed our home and our daily lives. We miss her. She made us smile every day. She paid attention to us every day. She looked us straight in the eyes when we talked to her and would cock her head back and forth as if to say “I understand everything you are telling me.” (Did I mention she made us smile every day?)

I am wise enough to know that in the big picture of our lives, with all the events that happen, this may seem like a small thing. It may seem even insignificant to some. To me, enjoying every gift from God, every moment that life and joy presents itself, every person, animal, flower, kind word, gesture, wagging tail …. Take time to enjoy them. Cherish them. Take notice. Be grateful.

Allie grew up with our kids … transitioned them from elementary school children to adults.. Ten years … It has been a wonderful, wonderful season! I told my husband … some changes require tears to walk through them. This is one of those.

Allie had a favorite corner of the yard where she would trample my flower beds chasing the cats, squirrels, birds, possum walking on her fence. In her honor, I have planted some day lilies there. One is almost her color.

God gave us all things … richly to enjoy.

Just 10 questions . . .

2009-05-17T19:46:00.000-05:00

Ten Questions for Couples

Came across this quiz in a file. It’s something to think about…. And for some of us, something to do something about… take a minute:

This quiz is from a January 2005 Family Circle Magazine. Use these statements as a gauge. See what you need to work on. (There’s always something to work on, I think)

Indicate whether each statement is usually true or false for you and your spouse, then count how many are true.

· When my husband phones, I make time to talk to him.
· When something important happens in my life, my spouse is the first person I want to tell.
· We are physically affectionate with each other on a daily basis.
· When I walk into the house, I greet my spouse before doing anything else.
· We spend more time interacting than we do watching TV.
· If my husband wants my attention, I stop what I am doing and give it to him.
· We celebrate birthdays and anniversaries in special ways.
· We go out alone together once a week.
· We vacation alone together once a year.
· We have photographs of each other in our wallets and at work.

If 4 statements or fewer are usually true for you and your spouse, you both need to pay more attention to your marriage. If 5 to 7 are true, you’re about average, but don’t settle for an average marriage – it’s the most important thing in your life!

This is a quick blog …. I have a few things on the list I need to go do!

Tell them the truth ... even if it hurts.

2009-05-05T20:21:00.000-05:00

We have two amazing kids… our daughter is 20 and our son is 17 (and a half!) They are smart, funny, quick witted and in some ways, wise beyond their years. To the best of my recollection, we always told them the truth. We answered questions honestly. Even the hard ones, like, “Did you ever do drugs? Why? “ “Dad, do you ever think about driving down this road and hitting this hill and hoping to get airborne?” (Dad, said, “Well, yeah!”) (Mom NEVER had that thought once).

We have answered questions about our marriage. “What’s the hardest it’s ever been?” “How do you make it work when you are both so different?” Our children will enter into relationships knowing that there is nothing they can’t ask us … and they know that in all things, we are on their team. Advice, direction, insight is ALWAYS about helping them stay on the right path. It’s ALWAYS about looking ahead to their 25th wedding anniversary with the perfect complement to who they are. That’s what we do. That’s just the kind of parents we are.

It doesn’t get much better than hearing your son say, “I trust your decisions, because so far, you haven’t given any bad advice.” (And when we do – yes, it happens --- we are quick to apologize). Being human and real with your teenagers is the best you can do. Every time.

Now a funny story . . .

Grandmas don’t know everything …

Little Tony was 7 years old and was staying with his grandmother for a few days. He’d been playing outside with the other kids for a while when he came into the house and asked her, “Grandma, what’s that called when two people sleep in the same room and one is on top of the other?” She was a little taken aback, but she decided to tell him the truth. “It’s called sex, darling.”

Little Tony said, “Oh, OK” and went back outside to play with the other kids.
A few minutes later he came back in and said angrily, “Grandma, it isn’t called sex. It’s called Bunk Beds. And Jimmy’s mom wants to talk to you.”

The 24 Hour Rule

2009-04-19T21:42:00.000-05:00

You know those little things that can become annoying? Like having to change the position of the shower head, or closing doors or turning off the lights after your spouse? When I asked my husband why those things don’t bother him, he said, “They just remind me you’re here.”
(Focus on the Family Magazine, February 2005)

Sometimes we just need to lighten up. I have a personal philosophy about what should go unnoticed and what things are noteworthy of discussion. I call it my 24 hour rule.

Basically, if the annoyance or “issue” will not matter tomorrow at this time, let it go! Here’s a simplistic example, but you’ll get the point.

You and your spouse on your way to an event ... to a place he has been before (maybe once – he thinks he remembers the way) but tonight you are running late. He’s driving and isn’t quite sure he knows which street … wrong turn. Later still. Back track … find the right way. Arrive later than seems polite.

Sure – he could have checked Map Quest …. But how do YOU respond. Tomorrow this event won’t matter. You will have lived through it. There won’t be another like it, probably. Does it matter very much. Really? Let it go.

Talk nice. Be nice. Be polite. Hey, maybe even treat each other like you would company! “Can I get you something to drink?” “Please.” “Thank you.” “Would you like a snack?” (We hardly ever yell at company!)

Let the little things go. Major on the major things. This is YOUR best friend (and definitely means more to you than company)!

“Hold them in very high and most affectionate esteem in [intelligent and sympathetic] appreciation of their work. Be at peace among yourselves.” (1 Thessalonians 5:13, AMP)

Two steps forward?

2009-04-12T21:11:00.000-05:00

Marriage is an everyday decision.

Yes --- every day, you either move forward. You move backward. Or you stay in the same place as yesterday -- which is a move backward really.

My part of my marriage is personal. It’s up to me. Only me. It’s not a response to what my husband does … or doesn’t do. It’s not my reaction to his response of something I do or don’t do. Every aspect, every situation, every comment, every action is my own personal responsibility… one at a time. Moment by moment.

My part of my marriage is between me and God. How I do in this is a direct reflection of how well I obey what I know Jesus has said to me … personally. Some of these conversations have included instructions exactly like these:

“If any of you wants to be My follower, you must put aside your selfish ambition, shoulder your cross, and follow Me.” Matthew 16:24

“If you refuse to take up your cross and follow Me, you are not worthy of being Mine.” Matthew 10:38

“And you cannot be My disciple if you do not carry your own cross and follow me.” Luke 14:27

Did I mention EXACTLY like these?

So what is my cross? It comes back again, to putting aside my selfish ambitions. On purpose, I decide to respond in love, to forgive past wrongs, to think more highly of my husband, to find ways to out serve him (not an easy thing most of the time). To shoulder my cross is an ongoing awareness that love respects, honors, goes out of its way, makes dinner when I am tired because it blesses him so much. Some days my cross is laundry – folded and back in his drawers. Some days my cross is not arguing a point that I think I am more right. Some days my cross is leaving him alone to do what he wants to do --by himself.

None of these things are for his approval or recognition or even for him to notice! This is personal… very personal between Jesus and me. Together, we are counting the cost of what it takes for me to be more like Him. Looking at what steps to take. I am worth it. My marriage is worth it.

Not my agenda, but yours

2009-04-05T22:36:00.000-05:00

I believe you should marry your best friend. Let me say it this way, I believe the one you marry should become your best friend somewhere during the courtship.

This is also why I think relationships need time before marriage to develop this kind of friendship. The kind of friendship that knows secrets, knows history, knows favorite colors, foods, and time-consuming hobbies. The kind of friendship that understands enough about each person’s parent’s marriage to know how it will affect their own. A friendship that tests times apart and long distance. A friendship that cherishes each phone call. And requires letters sometimes.

This kind of relationship says, “No, really, you decide.” “It’s no problem, I’ll wait.” “Yeah, we can do that today instead.” “Oh, that’s your holiday tradition? OK.”

“There is no greater love than to lay down one’s life for one’s friend. “ (John 15:13)

The best way to show love? Lay down your own ideas, your own plans, your agenda for what he wants to do. Lay down your ego, your pride, your great thought, or your better way to get there for the other person. Sometimes that means being silent, not reacting, (No sighing, eye rolling – you get the picture). It’s all about keeping your thoughts to yourself when you’d really rather not.

Even better, it’s about pushing their agenda . . . pursuing what’s on his heart. Go the extra mile when you don’t feel like it. Go the extra mile when you do feel like it . . . and don’t wait for the acknowledgement (Sometimes it doesn’t come anyway).

Friends give each other the benefit of the doubt. They look at the intention of the heart and they are satisfied.

You see, we have counted the cost. He’s worth it. I’m worth it. Lay down your life. It’s the best you can give. Your marriage deserves it.

Count The Cost!

2009-03-28T21:23:00.000-05:00

“But don’t begin until you count the cost . . .” (Luke 14: 28)

I want to fast forward into my story about 26 years. Like jumping to the epilogue I suppose. I have been married to this same man since 1982. A successful musician – Grammy Award winning actually. Our marriage has always existed on Planet Ministry – for many years in the Christian music industry, for the last several within an international ministry and a local church too. We have seen some things. Some pretty. Some not so pretty. Some not even believable.

We have been successful. We continue to enjoy our life, our family, and each other. God’s grace, His wisdom and His help have made it possible. We know that. Honestly, I think every engaged Christian couple believes that – with God, they’re gonna be alright.

I have seen successful musicians, ministers, pastors lose their families – while serving God. I have seen women so disillusioned in their marriages and with the call of the ministry on their lives and on their husbands’ lives that they quit . . . everything!

The key . . . way back in the beginning . . .

Count the cost! This takes time. It takes serious effort. Prayer. Counsel from others. Hearing from God. Your future depends on it. Your well being is at the center of it. The lives you are called to touch and minister to are directly related to it. The salvation of your children is at the heart of it.

“For who would begin construction of a building without first calculating the cost to see if there is enough money to finish it?” (Luke 14:28)

Or who would commit to a marriage to someone without first contemplating what it will require to make it work? There are careful details to consider. There will be a price to pay. Do you have what it takes to pay it? Are you ready to study the requirements to be sure you are qualified?

You need to make your “Once Upon A Time” into “They Lived Happily Ever After.”
It takes some preplanning!

Once Upon a Time - Chapter 2

2009-03-16T13:43:00.001-05:00

The college sophomore had fallen in love with a man who was called to full time ministry. Her knowledge of that was limited because she had never been close to ministry. Sure, she had been in church and had met people who were committed to God – to living their life as closely to the example of Jesus as they understood. Yet, what was this “Calling” to ministry? Just how serious is this?

According to Webster, Calling: Vocation, profession, or trade; a call or summons; a strong impulse or inclination.

A calling is a strong impulse, a “knowing” that the inner self or spirit has a sense of what they are to do. It’s a place of peace within that indicates you are on the right track. You have a direction that gives you great satisfaction when you look at the future.

A calling to ministry is a responsibility to put your heart, your work, your life into your gifts and talents to build the Kingdom of God on this planet. Giving all you have … (time, talents, and resources) to making disciples for Jesus. It’s the number one priority. The Main Thing.

I believed I was called alongside this Christian musician – a man with more creative talent and ability than I had ever seen. He is an award winning song writer, producer and gifted musician. I have no music training, ability or even hardly an ear for the differences between sharp and flat! Could God bring us together? How could I be a help to him at all?

The answer was simple – but not easy: Be willing. Be flexible. And above all, don’t be selfish.

“It’s not about you.” I would hear these words often.

Kiss It and Make It Better!

2009-03-08T20:38:00.000-05:00

Every three -year old knows that “Kissing it, makes it better.”

There’s just something about that action that takes her mind off the hurt (even for just a moment) and makes the crying stop. Why? Let’s look at the definition.

Kiss (kis), v.t. 1. To touch or press with the lips slightly pursed in token of affection, greeting, reverence, etc. 2. To touch gently or lightly: (the breeze kissed her face) 3. To put, bring, take or express by kissing 4. To make slight contact with or brush 5. To join lips, as in affection, love, or passion; touch or caress one another with the lips 6. To express a thought, feeling, etc. through contact with the lips: (they kissed goodbye)

“To express a thought, feeling, through contact with the lips.” This says: Take your mind off what has just happened. It’s going to be all right.” It’s better already!

And you know, it’s like that in marriage too. Sometimes a kiss is the answer! “Join the lips, as in affection, love or passion.” In the Bible “Kiss” is phileo. In the New Testament it is used 22 times and is translated “love.” Kisses remind us that for this moment, it’s all about him and me… no matter what else is going on around us, we are connected. Kissing does make it better.

“Kiss me and kiss me again, for your love is sweeter than wine.” (Song of Songs 1:2)

Once Upon A Time

2009-03-03T19:44:00.000-06:00

Once upon a time there was a little girl growing up in Fraser, Michigan. Every morning she watched her daddy leave for work at 7 am, knowing that he would be home that night at 6 pm for dinner. Day after day after day that's how it went. She dreamed she would grow up and marry someone just like him. He was the best daddy ever … handsome, smart, with laugh wrinkles around his eyes. He took good care of his family.

But something happened to that girl. Something she was not prepared for during her 18 years of watching what a family looked like living in the Auto City of the Midwest USA. She moved away to college . . . She met Jesus.

That changed everything. And then she … okay me … I fell in love with a man. A man called to full time ministry. (To what? What is that? I don't even know what that means. Is it just for a few months? Maybe a couple years and then we settle down and get that house with that white picket fence I dreamed about when I was 7? Have a dog and yard and maybe some cute little babies? Sunday dinner with the folks each week? Ministry? How do you do that? Yikes! What am I doing? I’m barely a Christian, and I am committing to what kind of life? He's called? What's a calling? Oh, Lord, help me!)

And so my journey began just this way 30 years ago.

"Yes," Jesus replied, "And I assure you that everyone who has given up house or brothers or sisters or mother or father or children or property, for my sake and for the Good News, will receive now in return a hundred time as many houses, brothers, sisters, mothers, children and property -- along with persecution." (Mark 10:29-30)

Before I could marry this man of God, I had to ask myself the question: "Am I willing to give up my childhood dream for Jesus' sake?" It took me a while to answer this.

We had a long engagement!

SURPRISE!

2009-02-28T22:36:00.000-06:00

Friday night. No big plans … pizza with my husband and then a quiet evening. Our son is at school for a rehearsal so we anticipate a rather uneventful night.

We hear someone at the front door. Is he home early? "Hellooooo-ooo……"

Standing and staring, (I am sure) It's our daughter! I know it took at least 5 or 10 seconds for it to register in my brain, that the pretty girl I am looking at is really her … home from college. SUR-PRIZE!!

In a few seconds I was trying to put together how it was possible. An hour before she had texted me, asking what we were doing, indicating she herself was still trying to decide what to do with her night. NOT! She was an hour away at that point. Very sneaky.

Joy and hugging and tears when she walked in the door. The first time we had seen her since Christmas Break. I was really missing her this past week.

Then… here she is. Honestly… The best surprise ever!

The pure inner satisfaction that came with this visit was so enveloping to me . . . To my heart, my thinking, my soul.

The fact that she left campus, drove by herself for 5 hours just to come home . . . Yes, touches the soul at a very deep level. The thought, the effort, and the knowing that this is the best gift ever for her dad and me. Knowing you are loved. That's it. She could not have expressed it any better than this.

The desire to be in our presence. Our desire just to be in hers. Love.

My desire is to bring joy when I walk into a room. I want my husband to think it’s a good idea when I come home. Hopefully something about being in my presence makes his day better.

Do you know that a 30-second kiss will make a difference in your day? It will change everything. Try it – go find the one you married. Right now. Give a kiss. A real kiss. A 30-second kiss. Whenever you come home. Every day. Yep! Every day.

SURPRISE!